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AIBU?

to masturbate next to sleeping DP (TMI Alert!)

63 replies

Pregnantandhorny · 07/04/2013 18:06

Name changed to protect the innocent

I have always had what I consider to be a healthy sex drive, but since getting pregnant I've gone into overdrive. I frequently find myself waking up at night in need of some attention, if you see what I mean. I have been sorting myself out, just sort of did it without really thinking, while DP is asleep next to me.

A couple of nights ago he stirred and woke while I was in the middle of things. I pretended I had just stirred as well and I don't think he realised what I was up to. But that got me worrying how he would have reacted if he had. I hadn't really thought about what I was doing but since then I've found myself feeling guilty and worried if it's right.

I'm all hormonal at the moment, and don't feel able to make a rational judgement about many things, so thought I'd throw it open to see what people think.

OP posts:

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rustybusty · 08/04/2013 09:00

He should be making you orgasm during your sessions together. 69, him doing oral for you, incorporate toys, play with yourself whilst having sex, him play with you during etc. There are plenty of ways to make sure you get yours every time. Ladies should always come first.

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PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty · 08/04/2013 09:05

I think its mad how if this were reversed, if someones partner were asking permission to wank in bed while they slept, the LTB brigade would be up in arms.

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RandallPinkFloyd · 08/04/2013 09:11

I have to be honest, I really wouldn't like it. I'd find it disrespectful and just grim.

As others have said though it doesn't matter one ounce what any of us think. All that matters is what he thinks.

You need to just say to him exactly what you've said on here and discuss it properly. I may be reading too much into it but the fact that you doubt yourself speaks volumes to me.

What will you do if he says he isn't comfortable with it?

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Pregnantandhorny · 08/04/2013 09:15

Rusty We never have a sex session where I don't orgasm, often more than once. But in order for that to be the case I always have to do a lot of the work. This isn't DP's fault - he does his best but he's not a natural and he's also hampered by a mild disability and being rather under endowed.

OP posts:

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WallyBantersJunkBox · 09/04/2013 11:03

I think an even number of women have actually said they don't mind.

And as for the chance of missing out on sex - I have different reasons and methods for orgasm at different times - emotional, physical, loneliness. I sympathise with you op, as you want to have a quick one to get rid of the physical sexual feeling, and get on with some deep sleep.

To have a quick one yourself, if you are adept, can take about 3 minutes. If I was to involve my husband it would take 30 minutes, he'd feel like he had to do certain things, get warmed up and make a mess.

There's nothing emotionally unbalanced with the Op, she has plenty of sex with her DH. To me it's like scratching an itch.

I don't understand why people would be disgusted with either partner doing this if your sex life was healthy and you weren't disturbing someone. They are you genitals, they are not the property of your partner.

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Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/04/2013 12:36

I'm
Actually quite shocked at the amount of people who feel their husbands would be horrified or want to be woken up. It's something men and women have done for many years before they met their husbands. Probably since they were teens. U don't need permission to do it. Imagine of it was reversed and a woman posted that her husband woke her up three times a night to have sex. Surely then we would all say - tell him to sort it out himself.

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TeWiSavesTheDay · 09/04/2013 12:39

I don't think you need permission to have a wank.

But should you ask if you want to do something sexual in bed while your partner is sleeping and unaware? Yes you should. Because if they don't like it they can say so, and you can go elsewhere to have your wank instead of making them feel uncomfortable.

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NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 09/04/2013 12:43

I do this and if DH wakes up it usually excites him and ends up in us doing it together. not necessarily piv. He loves the idea of me being a sexual creature so it isnt a problem.

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AmberSocks · 09/04/2013 12:49

I dont think i would like it if dh did it.He never really masturbates unless we have been interrupted halfway through,and thats only been a few times.If i was with someone who did it regularly anyway i guess it wouldnt bother me.

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AmberSocks · 09/04/2013 12:50

plus i would rather be woke up for sex and i think dh would too.wanks are rubbish compared to real sex.

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HormoneHell · 09/04/2013 20:25

Hi OP

I am currently pregnant and like you my sex drive has gone through the roof. The difference between my desire for sexual stimulation now and my normal state is incredible. In the first few months of this pregnancy I was asking DH for sex up to 4 times a day AND needing to see to myself inbetween (it actually scared me a bit). I am now near delivery and I still want sex before sleep and as soon as I wake (and at quite a few others times too).

Before this pregnancy I have never seen to myself while in bed next to DH but I did start and like you I did feel a little uncomfortable about it. I talked to DH and explained that I was not waking him because I just wanted a very quick release. He was fine about that given I was already exhausting him. Sometimes I have accidently woken him and it does seem to really turn him on so he inevitably joins in. Sometimes if I do accidently wake him I have a momentary moment of annoyance when I think it would be quicker and easier if he had stayed asleep but I think to refused by your clearly aroused wife would be pretty hard on any DH so I go with it. To be honest I usually end up pretty pleased he did wake-up.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. There are many miserable aspects of pregnancy but I will sorely miss this one perk.

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nokidshere · 09/04/2013 21:01

But should you ask if you want to do something sexual in bed while your partner is sleeping and unaware? Yes you should. Because if they don't like it they can say so, and you can go elsewhere to have your wank instead of making them feel uncomfortable.

They are asleep? Why would anyone (male or female) feel uncomfortable about something they dont know about? Or for that matter about their partner masturbating?

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BegoniaBampot · 10/04/2013 08:45

agree with Wallybanters and Wheresmycaffeine.

and I wouldn't say wanks are necessarily rubbish compared to sex, just different. if I'm feeling a wee bit horny or restless why would I want to wake my partner for something that just takes a few minutes. maybe that's just what I want (especially at night when I'm tired), not some much longer mutual sex session.