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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Catching the gay"

102 replies

FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 21:13

This is slightly Fred about a Fred but also about general usage of the term.

While I realise it is all a bit tongue in cheek to reply to the many many posters who ask about their DS' wanting nailpolish/hairclips/pink/barbies/kitchens/dolls etc that its fine and they won't "catch the gay" by having and/or playing with traditionally girl gendered things..

AIBU to still feel a teenchy bit narked as a gay person that that would be seen as a problem (even if it were possible). Why is it still seen as such a negative to have a gay child/ be gay?

OP posts:
SatsukiKusukabe · 06/04/2013 21:34

also by saying "the gay" the person who has said it is basically saying. "aren't you a bit of a provincial village idiot type" its's being quiet patronizing and is definitely meant as a comment on the recipient and not on homosexuality

nametakenagain · 06/04/2013 21:34

I think you make a fair point, OP. The phrase implies 'don't worry, gay is not catching' or 'it's a phase' rather than 'why is being gay an issue'?

I'm not suggesting that using the phrase indicates a homophobe, incidentally.

SatsukiKusukabe · 06/04/2013 21:36

mrsbombastic, presumably the op is "touchy" about it because there is a large amount of homophobia in this world?

Original poster
FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 21:36

Thanks nametaken. That's kind of what I was trying to say rather badly :o

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ifancyashandy · 06/04/2013 21:38

I posted on the thread you may refer to. When posting the 'he won't catch 'the gay' comment I did think in my head 'Not that being gay is negative / catching / non-catching / an issue in any way shape or form and should I post that?'

Noted for future.

herethereandeverywhere · 06/04/2013 21:38

I'm always puzzled by the attitude that people don't want their children to "turn out gay" so they do all sorts of odd stuff like ban boy children from having dolls or girls from playing rugby. Would these people really feel bad/sad/disappointed if their children were gay? Shock

I love my kids soooo much I can't imagine thinking less of them/feeling any sort of being "let down" by their sexuality/gender/whatever. I have no idea what the future holds for them, I just want to love them and share it all with them. Whether they form relationships with the same or opposite sex people is such a tiny speck of detail to me. It's like hoping my children will grow up to live in a two storey house then finding out they'll live in a bungalow.

Original poster
FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 21:39

"Touchy" is used as a silencing tactic isn't it? ie: you are not entitled to say what you feel or think?

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Original poster
FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 21:41

Not as catchy though ifancyashandy eh? :o

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UnnamedFemaleProtagonist · 06/04/2013 21:43

This reminds me of a picture I saw recently that said "my friends think I'm gay because I don't like football. How silly. I'm gay because I love cock".
Maybe not quite the thing for this thread but it made me PISS Grin

TheBigJessie · 06/04/2013 21:44

I did used to post "Firstly there's nothing wrong with being gay. Secondly you can't catch it". But is lengthier.

Original poster
FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 21:45

That is damn funny Unnamed :o

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 21:47

OP i think you are misunderstanding the tone with which that phrase is used on MN.

Original poster
FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 21:47

Maybe I need to embrace the sarcasm and just start extolling the WARNING WARNING yes the child will catch the gay (but its fabulous so don't stress) WARNING

OP posts:
BarredfromhavingStella · 06/04/2013 21:49

I don't think I've seen anyone refer to catching the gay Confused but if I did I'd just think ignorant fuckwits & forget about it.

DS loves shoes & bags, don't think he's caught the gay though, he either is or he isn't-will let you know in about...10 years???

TheBigJessie · 06/04/2013 21:49

You could tell parents of boys: "Yes, give him hairclips! It totally guarantees you will never have a daughter-in-law and the angst thereof! Really!"

Original poster
FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 21:50

I don't think I am booyhoo. I have said ^^ up there somewhere that I know its tongue in cheek and sarcastic.
It is that it is seen as a negative at all is my bother.

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Original poster
FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 21:51

I do love your username by the way Jessie Wink

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HerrenaHarridan · 06/04/2013 21:53

I've never used it but I have always assumed that if its being used to support a boy playing with traditionally girl toys then its tongue in cheek

Although there may be an element of truth in it, it used to be said about the girls school I went to and I definitely caught the gay there, she was great! Men could never compare after that, they were just so bony, and hard and boobless! Wink

Yanbu to be offended though, if that's the way it makes you feel.

Some people are really thoughtless and stupid, one of my best friends uni friends posted a doodah on his Facebook that said something like, all gay people should be sterilised to prevent the spread, when she challenged him for it he replied "except you of course you're a bird"
Confused

I hate that it's often seen as more acceptable for women to be gay, because that's a turn on or something , but it's totally different for blokes Sad

treas · 06/04/2013 21:53

FarelyKnuts - Think you will find that many non-homophobic people would not choose for their child to be gay because of the bigoted views and actions of the many homophobic people in society. Not because they see being gay as a negative.

I do however, find the phrase "that's so gay" very offensive especially when my son first came aware of the phrase when he was 5 y.o. at school. Fortunately, ds has always been very aware of what phrases are not appropriate to repeat. Turned out to be his first introduction to what being 'gay' meant - and at only 5 y.o. this was that some people / animals can fall in love with people / animals who are the same sex as themselves. We had to introduce 'animal' into the explanation as some of our male finches in the aviary where 'courting' each other. This in turn has meant my dc have seen that being gay is something that is occurring in nature.

TheBigJessie · 06/04/2013 21:56

Thanks!

I do sort of see why it's slightly disheartening. When I say "you can't catch the gay" I'm not actively confronting their fear. But on the other hand, I think that saying "there's nothing wrong with being gay" when they've only implied that there is, makes it seem as if it's a reasonable thing to think. I don't want to dignify it with a response in the 21st century.

And my preferred approach to everything is ruthless sarcasm, anyway.

TheBigJessie · 06/04/2013 21:59

all gay people should be sterilised to prevent the spread But that makes no sense... There's no evidence any sexual orientation is hereditary...

Besides, yeah, those gay men and women, unplanned pregnancies all over the place, eh?

Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 21:59

yes, it is seen as negative by the tit that is trying to hide their nail varnish from their son, but not by teh person who is saying "dont worry, he wont catch teh gay" they are saying it in order to parody ( is taht the right word?) what they tit person thinks. it's ridiculing teh ignorance of that person that they think 1) being gay is something that is learned and 2) that's it's something undesirable. the person saying it isn't saying 'teh gay' is a negative thing. they are taking the piss out of the tit for thinking it is a negative thing.

i dont think ive explained that well at all sorry. but my brain jsut cant find the words. nor my fingers the keys. Blush

Original poster
FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 22:01

Yeah Jessie that's what I mean. The sarcasm doesnt challenge the implied negative connotation, though I can understand why it would get bloody tiring to keep having to.
I guess I just can't get inside peoples heads that think it is a BAD THING when there are so many ACTUAL bad things out there to get riled up about!

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Original poster
FarelyKnuts · 06/04/2013 22:03

Erm especially when its all them straight people having dem gay babies!

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TheBigJessie · 06/04/2013 22:04

I suppose they justify it by saying they only fear that they will warp their child from the way they were going to be. Funnily enough, they don't worry about turning their gay son straight with too much football, but that's double-think for you.