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AIBU to have two birthday parties for toddler (one for my 'odd relatives' and one for nursery friends)??

29 replies

2013amiunfair · 04/04/2013 23:40

I wont go into details but my family and DHs family do not get on very well (they just clash they have different ways of life), I have made some friends from DDs nursery (she is 3) and she has been to a couple of their parties. It is her birthday coming up, the thought of the two sets of relatives plus the nursery friends fill me with dread, it feels like it would be a room of people who do not get on. Is it normal to have relatives over for dinner or something and then a little party for her nursery friends? I also have a nearly one year old, would this be a strange set up for a first birthday party too? It is really starting to stress me out as I cannot imagine my poor friends having to sit around with my strange relatives (that sounds harsh but you do not know them, think chain smoking, swearing, drinking, smoking weed at their own childs party!!)

OP posts:

2013amiunfair · 04/04/2013 23:42

not smoking weed at my childs party, my BIL did this at his own toddlers party!!!!! As did his friends!!!!!!!

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Trills · 04/04/2013 23:42


Do as you like.

But remember to do as you like, not as the nearly-one-year-old would like, because she won't actually remember!


TidyDancer · 04/04/2013 23:43

Perfectly normal to split the parties IME.


BackforGood · 04/04/2013 23:46

My dc LOVE having 2 or sometimes 3 birthdays.

  1. the actual day when they get their presents from us

2. the nearest weekend when we have relatives over for tea
3. once they are old enough (which IMO is school age) a party or day out with their friends.
It's not strange except to have 1 yr olds party for friends.

2013amiunfair · 04/04/2013 23:48

Has anyone else ever done split birthday parties? Up until now I have just done one with family and DDs little friends all together, but it means there are about 20 grown ups and 3 children! And I feel stressed the whole day as I worry about the two MILs clashing, and my strange uncle annoying people with his constant chattering and not leaving my friends alone as he likes to be the centre of attention. Also this sounds awful but I worry what my friends think of my BIL smelling of drugs!!

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2013amiunfair · 04/04/2013 23:51

Yes I do think it would be strange to have a party for a 1 year olds friends (I doubt the one year old would have any to invite !!) That is the party I worry about most as my DDs 1st birthday was family with a few of my friends who happened to have children, but it was so stressful I do not like people I do not know very well (like the mums and dads from DDs nursery) around my strange relatives!!

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FannyFifer · 05/04/2013 00:00

Party is for 3 year old though I think.


calmlychaotic · 05/04/2013 00:16

I always have 2, kids one for mum friends which I put my equally odd relatives off by saying its just for kids. And then a little party at home just for relatives.


frazzled74 · 05/04/2013 00:19

I always have family on the real birthday, just a cake and cup of tea type thing , unless its sunny, then may use it as an excuse to have a bbq. nursery/school friends always have a seperate party a few days later.


Emilythornesbff · 05/04/2013 08:14

I struggle with family get togethers and mixing different parts of my life so I'll be doing this for DS's 3 rd bday.
Not sure how it will work though. I'll have a think and get back to you Wink


Emilythornesbff · 05/04/2013 08:17

Trouble is, parts of my family would actually mix better with friends than with other family IYSWIM.


Footface · 05/04/2013 08:22

Just have two parties, one for the mad people and one for the friends.

I walked into a party once where everyone was smoking in the garden very uncomfortable for me


DontmindifIdo · 05/04/2013 08:30

Have 2 parties this time round for 3 year old, have a family only one for 1 year old, then next year - don't invite family. Say you are taking the DCs to a soft play place or something.

If the idea of having a family party is'nt a nice thing for anyone, and risks possible bad memories for your DCs as they get older, it's time to stop the tradition.


dreamingbohemian · 05/04/2013 08:47

We are doing this soon (DS almost 3) although not for the same reasons, our family are lovely but we have a very small flat and we can't fit everyone, so we are having two separate parties.

Can you get away with saying it's for space reasons?

I think it's definitely a good idea, in any event.


2013amiunfair · 05/04/2013 08:52

Great ideas, thanks so much! Emilythornesbff I totally understand, the two sides of our family do not mix well at all! I am thinking for the 3 year old on the actual day family can come round for cake and tea (and time it so they the different sides maybe come at different times of the day??) and then a little party at soft play or somewhere for her nursery friends. And with the 1 year old just family round (at different times if I can get away with it, how would that work with blowing the candles out??)

Thanks for all the advice!!

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FergusSingsTheBlues · 05/04/2013 08:53

apparently children cope best with one friend per year of their life. my son isnt a massive fan of crowds so we stuck to this and it was so easy.

My son had a couple of friends for his birthday, with balloons cake and pressies etc. Low key and easy.

Following day my parents came for lunch and to make a fuss.
The day after that his godmother popped in for a couple of hours, again another fuss.


Chocoflump · 05/04/2013 08:57

Why don't you arrange a party in a soft play area? That way the families and friends won't have to sit with each other, every 'group' can have their own table, and won't have to interact?


FergusSingsTheBlues · 05/04/2013 08:58

dont forget as well, if you stagger your celebrations, they will get time to actually open and appreciate toys bit by bit rather than raiding a pile of presents...

we did the same with easter eggs this weekend....hes still got a couple left


WaitingForMe · 05/04/2013 09:04

DH and his ex always do this for my DSSs and I plan to for DS. MIL doesn't play well with others and needs to be the centre of attention.


2013amiunfair · 05/04/2013 09:05

Am now thinking soft play versus (two) family get togethers and a soft play party for 3 year old. I think soft play could work with all the different tables, am more stressed now about 1 year old party as how would I get two sides of the family there at different times and handle the candles on the cake etc :(

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Chocoflump · 05/04/2013 09:09

When is the one year olds birthday? Is it close to your other child? Could you do a joint party?


2013amiunfair · 05/04/2013 09:14

No they are 3 months apart :(

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Chocoflump · 05/04/2013 09:18

Well if the soft play birthday party goes well, why not do that again? I worked in a soft play centre and we got loads of first birthday parties!

Try not to stress out, birthday parties should be fun! Smile


2013amiunfair · 05/04/2013 09:22

ooh great idea, soft play for the one year old, that way odd relatives at their own tables, DD and older kids running around and baby and maybe a baby friend or two (I know 1 baby same age at the moment) could just be held of go in the baby soft play section :) Great! Thanks so much!!!!! You have saved my sanity! hehe

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lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2013 09:22

Do what you like. I don't understand why you are worrying about this really, rather than just doing what works best.

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