To want to put both kids in nursey and go back to work full time to regain some bastard sanity?

[Namehelpplease]

A bad morning. Can you tell? Is it just me who feels like this most days or am I Evil Mother extraordinaire?

I have a toddler (who we utterly adore) and another due in a week but I really don't know how I'm going to deal with two when one drives me totally nutty.

Tell me it's not just me. Please.

Oh OP you are being defeatist. Life is magical and full of precious moments

Seriusly, it is hard but you will wake up one day and realise how fast it has gone (thankfully :o). By the time you get a chance to look at the calendar again it will be almost 2015

Thanks Stealth. May I have some vodka please?

Oh and mine are 6 and 3. I only have to be present for about half of all toilet visits (not including my own - I still have to be present for them). I can say "go upstairs and play for an hour" and they do- and because neither can tell the time, it's sometimes longer :o I can say SHUSH MUMMY IS LISTENING TO THE NEWS. They can even "help" to tidy and make dinner. They are lovely and life is actually getting easier.

My parents apparently wanted 6 DC.

They had DB1, then me 19 months later. They stopped (had DB2 10 years later)

FB liars self deluding souls who say it is all lovely all the time are helping no-one, although clearly there are lovely bits - I know people who have 2 with 18 months between them, and she says they don't actually remember anything of the first 2 years of DC2's life - but as others have said, it gets better as time goes on and they go to school

I smugly thought I had bypassed all this with a 4 year gap (based on parents' experience, and the fact that I couldn't even begin to contemplate another until DC1 was 3). Babyhood was easier, for sure, but I am currently hiding from my squabbling DC and dreaming of the end of the holidays - so whatever the gap, there is always a downside .

YANBU, work is a peice of piss compared to dealing with the shit of 2 kids with 25 months between them.

Jamie, that's lovely and so true.

I had a four year gap (mixture of not being able to face it again and Mother Nature deciding I should wait a little longer). Lots of people kept telling me I wouldn't know what had hit me and how awful it would be and to be honest it hasn't. Newborn and small person definitely easier than pregnant and small person (it makes no sense but you're less tired somehow) and there are magical moments.

I think it helped that I knew people to call on when I was bordering on insanity the second time round whereas I was completely on my own for what felt like very long days the first time.

Do NOT be embarrassed to use a nursery as much as you feel necessary and remember don't try and be the perfect mother, aim low - as long as they're both alive at the end of the day you've done fine. Anything else you achieve is a bonus.

Mine are grown up now. 19.5 months between them. My god it was hard at first, but it did get easier and it was well worth it. We also thought we'd like 4 - before we had any, right up till we had 2 - and then it became clearer and clearer that 2 was an excellent number to stop at. No regrets!

Good luck to those of you still battling with toddlers. That was by far the hardest bit of our parental lives. A friend told me that toddlers who were really hard work were often a doddle as teenagers. I hardly liked to hope but in our case she was right. I hope the same is true for all of you.

Oh fuck. I'm not even allowed vodka am I? Oh stuff it

Stealthsquiggle - I'm totally with you. There ARE amazing moments. Of course. But life's not like that 24/7 unless you're on something quite strong (ooh maybe she is). It really pisses me off as I've struggled and seeing shite like that does make me jealous and a bit worried to be frank that it's totally not my experience of having DCs. I know it's not intended to make people feel like that though.

My work is a total piece of piss compared to even one Barred. Perhaps working in the coal mines or something might have prepared me.

Lol, I keep being told it gets easier & I must admit when I look back it does-doesn't feel like it most days though

It is lovely. And it is fecking hard.

But the thing to remember about having 2 DCs, is eventually they will like each other more than they like you, and then you will get some peace .

and then they will start fighting about everything and you will learn to ignore them unless one is bleeding .

Currently on maternity leave with DC3. I can categorically say being pregnant is the worst bit, it's like they know you are extra tired. I actually found it a bit easier being pregnant with DC3 than DC2 but that's mainly because my wonderful DH did ALL the housework for most of that pregnancy, I would come home from work and snore in front of cbeebies have some bonding time with my children. He was well told before I got pregnant that I'd need him to do that! Plus the DDs play really well together now.

I found how well behaved the older kids are with the new baby depends on their age. DD1 was 18 months when DD2 was born, she was a delight for the first couple of months of DD2's life before things regressed a bit. When DS was born DD1 was 4 and had just started school 3 days before and the combination of starting school and having me in hospital with preemie DS for 9 days was not good for her, she was very difficult for a long time. DD2 is 3 and has been lovely and so good with her little brother but is missing her sister at school, thankfully she is still at nursery 3 days a week which is good for her and me.

It does get easier, like I said being pregnant and having small children to look after (plus a demanding job) is shite, having a baby and small children to look after is hard but at least you know things are getting better. My friend has her three closer than me and now her baby is 18 months things are a lot better, her smallest two play really well together. I think once the youngest is 2-3 and sleeps through the night and is potty trained and can speak things get much easier. And returning to work does help, having no-one climbing over you all day is great! I found all my aches and pains disappeared once I returned to work.

The gap between mine is 30 months. I loved it. One valuable piece of advice I got given before I had the second was that you do not try to quieten the baby in order to let the toddler sleep as, left to just get on with it, the toddler quickly learns to sleep through a screaming baby. It worked for me, even now if DD is ill (and she is LOUD when she is ill, she firmly believes that no-one should have any peace if she's poorly), DS sleeps through the noise.

Mine are each others' best friends, partners in crime, defenders and supporters. They are now 5 and 2 and DS reads stories to DD, he distracts her and cuddles her if I've told her off, he tries to reason with her., he helps her to dress. She runs into his arms when we collect him from school. If he hurts himself, she elbows me out of the way to get there first and "kiss him better".

They have their moments and will squabble over a toy but most of the time, it's great.

I wanted 5, I have 8 years between each of the first 3 so had it really easy until ds4 came long. There won't be a dc 5!

I have a 2.5 year old and a 2 month old and it is incredably hard work mostly because, bless his beautiful soul, my 2 year old is exhausting. I feel guilty just saying it, but he is a mile a minute with no break from dawn to who-knows-when unless the tv is on.

Its nice to know its not just my 2 year old I must say.

I was all worried about my 2 year old not getting enough attention with new baby around but now I worry more about the baby not getting any attention TBH. I feed the baby and hold the baby but all the while my attention is on the 2 year old who is into EVERYTHING, crawling up my leg, whinging, refusing to play by himself, being jealous, being bored (he's used to being at daycare) etc etc.

I take my toddler to 2 groups a week which is tiring but worth it. People would comment at how I was out with such a young baby but our son was was bouncing off the walls at home - we HAVE to get out.

That and I make my husband pitch in 50/50 with nighttime baby feeding stuff this time around.

I think you just muddle through and learn trial and error to find your footing. I am just starting to feel like I'm getting more of a handle on things...sometimes.

There are two years between ours. When I was 8 months pregnant with DC2 I settled DC1 into playgroup where she went 3 mornings a week all during my maternity leave and then I went back to work when DC2 was 10 months.

I remember the first time I attempted the park with both of them on my own, it was freezing, DC1 ended up knee deep in mud and then proceeded to run away with another child's ball. My hands were so cold I couldn't undo the sling to get DC2, who was screaming, out for a feed. My boobs were like two snowballs and I ended up coming home in tears.

BUT after that I became pretty hardcore about taking them out and about. Me and the double buggy went everywhere. We used to get up at the crack of dawn anyway so many a morning we were in the park by 8am so DD had her run of the playground before it got too busy and DS was usually asleep at that time.

You will work out what is best for you. You sound as though you have your eyes open about it. I approached the first year like bootcamp and it kind of was. It took about a year for DD to become interested in DS and then they started playing together at 3.6 and 1.6. Now they are 6 and 4 and the best of friends. DD is very protective of DS and he misses her when she is at school. Don't get me wrong, they have their moments but all in all it has worked out much better than I could ever have imagined.

I only have one 20 month old. I work four days a week and she goes to nursery. She loves nursery. I like the balance of being a working mum - maternity leave drove me insane. The only down side to being a working mum is when she is poorly - I feel guilty about taking time off work, yet, if I manage to get my DH, mum or MIL to look after her I feel guilty for leaving her. On my half days (I work 4 day over 5) I find going into work after spending the morning with her really hard. However, the rest of the week im fine.

I have worried for a long time that me enjoying being at work makes me a bad mum. But, I know I could not love her more. I make so much more effort with the time I have with her than I did when I was at home full time. I try and make every minute count because I know I am going to be away from her for some of the week. I'm lucky because I am a teacher so have at least one weeks holiday every 7-8 weeks. DD is also collected from nursery by 4pm so we get time in the evenings. You should do whatever suits you and your family and not worry about your decision. You are the mum, your will is law!

I bloody LOVED having a 22 month old and a baby. (and a six year old).

However, having a teenage dd and two preteen boys (one autistic, one prone to flouncing and hissy fits) is truly fecking AWFUL.

Oh God how embarrassing. There's a typo in my title. Feck a dee doo dah day. More vodka please. Further proof of lost sanity.

Shagmund - we may need to swap.

Teenagers are just huge toddlers though but with their own keys and money. God help.

It does get easier. Honestly. My youngest in nearly 3 and when she was a baby it was hard. I had prepared though and was set up for the challenge.
After about 9 months I became complacent and it all went her strong personality led me to sit in the corner rocking wrong.
I'm back on it now and various reasons mean I have 1 month left at work. I'm actually really looking forward to being a sahm. It won't be long until she is in school with her siblings and I can drink hot tea all day!

Ds1 has been a little better the last few years, he was like a big tantruming toddler at one point.

He just keeps staying out at night and forgetting to text and let me know, I wake up with the baby realise he's not in then spend the night worrying.

Sleepless nights whatever the age