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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want to be bridezilla but...

149 replies

milf90 · 01/04/2013 18:20

Ok future sil got engaged 3 months before us, she was planning a July wedding for next year, but after we said we were planning for August next year, theirs got brought forward (I think this was more due to cost ten because of us, but it does work better fr our families anyway) to August this year (not quite booked yet. We sorted our venue out about a month ago and booked it, I have alwad wanted to get married at this venue and I was only a case of if we can afford it.

Sil asked us before we has booked, If she could book it because they had an offer on. We booked it, so she disnt go for it, which I'm really greatful for - but I have to say I was a bit put out she was considering it, given the only reason we wouldn't have gone for it would have been because we couldnt afford it

Anyway, I have had some annual leave so I have been super organized with arrangin things - we've booked the dj, photographer and chair cover hire. Sil rang dh and asked if she could have the numbers of all the people we have booked so she could use them too??? I have to say inwas a bit cheesed off, I had put a lot of effort into finding them, negotiating good deals and finding people who were use to the venue etc. my bridesmaid (who used to be a wedding planner) was even more annoyed than me and said this was out of order. I gave herthe websites for her to look at (didn't feel like I had much choice unleas I wanted to look like a bridezilla)

She then told oh she is having the same colour scheme as me?? This is what has upset me really, because the colour scheme I have chosen is very personal to me ad oh, so I don't feel like I can change it. I know these things aren't just 'mine' and she has every right to chose what she likes, but I just feel like we are going to look like we copied her, iv just go to hope that people won't remember :( also they have a lot more money than us, so I have already tried to make it really personal to us because we can't 'compete' with all the lavish things they can ad I don't want us to be compared if that makes sense?

My bridesmaid seems to think she is doing it on purpose and predicted all this would happen before it did. I thought she was being ott until it actually dis happen :(

I also made a group on Facebook to get addresses for save the date cards and ivitations and sil made a rather patronizing comment about we need to save money an she wasn't going to send them so we shouldn't etc. The only reason I was doing it was because I had thought of a cute idea that would only cost usnpostage

OP posts:
ComposHat · 02/04/2013 12:16

was the fad for pale blue as a theme around 2007ish? I seem to recall wearing an Usher's Willy Wonka costume with a pale blue waistcoat around about that time.

Can we start a sweepstake on the theme? My guess is that theop is going for white and black or purple and hot pink. Dress with a sweetheart neckline.

specialsubject · 02/04/2013 12:21

"Really and truly no-one else gives a flying fuck about colour schemes, invitation styles etc. "

listen to these wise words!

5Foot5 · 02/04/2013 13:23

"I know these things aren't just 'mine' and she has every right to chose what she likes, but I just feel like we are going to look like we copied her, iv just go to hope that people won't remember"

They won't. Trust me.

garlicbrunch · 02/04/2013 14:28

Well, somebody must remember ... any future bridezillas in attendance, who spend their quiet moments planning their eventual wedding and taking notes of the ones they attend Hmm

I just picked a 'season' colour scheme (autumn, since you ask). Was v cheap easy and looked nice.

CocacolaMum · 02/04/2013 14:31

It will be purple.. everybody has bloody purple..

Pandemoniaa · 02/04/2013 14:32

It will be purple.. everybody has bloody purple..

Made worse by being described as "Cadbury Purple" usually.

garlicbrunch · 02/04/2013 14:33

Do they? In my 'wedding years' everybody had bloody teal Grin

garlicbrunch · 02/04/2013 14:34

"Cadbury Purple" ... Oh, I could go for a chocolate wedding Grin

LittleBearPad · 02/04/2013 14:36

I agree it does seem that purple is this year's colour. Hadn't thought of the Cadbury link though.

Bakingnovice · 02/04/2013 14:50

To be honest I can see why you are upset. But you do across as a total bridezilla.

Toasttoppers · 02/04/2013 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 02/04/2013 16:17

Actually op, just remembered your wedding is on a weekday.

I really wouldn't worry about colour schemes etc as a lot of your guests may be bubbling with resentment at losing a days leave and thinking of leaving early anyway.

ThreadWorms · 02/04/2013 18:09

Cadbury purple has been the most popular colour for a while I think but navy blue seems quite 'in' at the moment too.

Vintage is massive at the moment so pastel colours or ivory and champagne or gold with a shit load of lace.

Have we guessed right op?

Original poster
milf90 · 02/04/2013 19:13

Nobody has guessed right so far

OP posts:
racmun · 02/04/2013 19:30

Seriously a colour scheme? I couldn't remember the colour scheme of a single wedding I've been to and I doubt your guests could either.

Nor who the dj was, what the flowers looked like etc etc

All the weddings I've been to all seem to be pretty much carbon copies of each other despite each bride painstakingly planning every last detail. Unless you are doing something really different then I think you are worrying about nothing.

Just enjoy your day and stop worrying if their budget is more

Floggingmolly · 02/04/2013 20:07

You sound mad, tbh. The colour is personal to you... You can't copyright a colour, you know, and the guests seriously won't give a toss what colour your "scheme" is.

ThreadWorms · 02/04/2013 20:40

I know that the general consensus is that colours 'schemes' and 'themes' don't matter, but I really enjoyed planning my wedding and finding things that 'matched' my theme. Not that I ever lost sight of what the day was about but the planning was all part if the build up and excitement of getting married. I didn't do it to impress anyone, it was for myself and because I enjoyed doing it.

So I can understand why the op feels a bit protective if 'her' colour scheme, especially if it's quite unique. I think she has acknowledged that she doesn't own the colour scheme but still, I think the SIL could choose something a bit different.

greenfolder · 02/04/2013 20:46

you have a year, a whole year between the weddings unless i have misunderstood.

she has not booked the same venue, she has shifted the date to one that works better all round.

no one will remember her colour scheme or yours 5 mins after.

is it claret and blue? are there bubbles?

Floggingmolly · 02/04/2013 21:04

Her colour scheme has a fairly miniscule chance of being " quite unique", Thread, to be fair. There's hardly an infinite choice, is there?

AngryGnome · 02/04/2013 21:09

How does anyone know who your suppliers are? How will they know which suppliers your SIL will be using?

Unless they are troupes of wedding guests who enter churches, gasp aloud, clutch pearls and cry 'it's ANOTHER arrangement by Jones the Florist' before collapsing to the ground in a dead faint Confused

DontSHOUTTTTTT · 02/04/2013 21:16

Tiffany green and cream?

Or

Gold and cream?

AngryGnome · 02/04/2013 21:20

Gold and cream would be nice.

ThisIsMummyPig · 02/04/2013 21:29

Hmm My SIL nicked my colour scheme (I gave her some stuff that was leftover) and she invited most of the same guests (what with being family and all).

My wedding was much better because it was mine, and I had booze flowing freely. She made people pay, so they were soberer and more miserable. She probably thinks her wedding was better because everyone was pissed at mine, while they were appreciating the event at hers.

When she did piss me off was when she nicked the name of my baby. If your SIL asks about that you do need to start lying.

BTW you are a bridezilla.

ThreadWorms · 02/04/2013 21:30

True flogging, but I think I managed to pick a fairly unusual colour scheme myself. A few guests commented in it being quite unusual.

superstarheartbreaker · 02/04/2013 21:40

YANBU op. Her behaviour is annoying...it's almost like she wants to steal your thunder. You won't let her though will you? If I were you i'd not disclose any more info and say yes you do mind her stealing your ideas. The comment on Facebook about saving money was catty. She sounds like a right PITA.