I don't want to be bridezilla but...

[milf90]

Ok future sil got engaged 3 months before us, she was planning a July wedding for next year, but after we said we were planning for August next year, theirs got brought forward (I think this was more due to cost ten because of us, but it does work better fr our families anyway) to August this year (not quite booked yet. We sorted our venue out about a month ago and booked it, I have alwad wanted to get married at this venue and I was only a case of if we can afford it.

Sil asked us before we has booked, If she could book it because they had an offer on. We booked it, so she disnt go for it, which I'm really greatful for - but I have to say I was a bit put out she was considering it, given the only reason we wouldn't have gone for it would have been because we couldnt afford it

Anyway, I have had some annual leave so I have been super organized with arrangin things - we've booked the dj, photographer and chair cover hire. Sil rang dh and asked if she could have the numbers of all the people we have booked so she could use them too??? I have to say inwas a bit cheesed off, I had put a lot of effort into finding them, negotiating good deals and finding people who were use to the venue etc. my bridesmaid (who used to be a wedding planner) was even more annoyed than me and said this was out of order. I gave herthe websites for her to look at (didn't feel like I had much choice unleas I wanted to look like a bridezilla)

She then told oh she is having the same colour scheme as me?? This is what has upset me really, because the colour scheme I have chosen is very personal to me ad oh, so I don't feel like I can change it. I know these things aren't just 'mine' and she has every right to chose what she likes, but I just feel like we are going to look like we copied her, iv just go to hope that people won't remember :( also they have a lot more money than us, so I have already tried to make it really personal to us because we can't 'compete' with all the lavish things they can ad I don't want us to be compared if that makes sense?

My bridesmaid seems to think she is doing it on purpose and predicted all this would happen before it did. I thought she was being ott until it actually dis happen :(

I also made a group on Facebook to get addresses for save the date cards and ivitations and sil made a rather patronizing comment about we need to save money an she wasn't going to send them so we shouldn't etc. The only reason I was doing it was because I had thought of a cute idea that would only cost usnpostage

Seriously? You've been together long enough to have a child who is old enough to put pressure on you for a brother or sister but you've never got engaged and suddenly you do straight after your sister in law. And there is absolutely no date that you could possibly get married except a couple of weeks after she is? And you didn't even have the courtesy to ask her if she minded? Okay, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. But to be honest if I was your SIL or MIL it would be almost impossible to do that. And if you then started kicking up a fuss about 'copying' when you were the one who got engaged just after her then booked your wedding a few weeks after hers..... put it this way, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a little dolly somewhere with pins stuck in it who looked a bit like you.

I didn't really get a say about when we got engaged....and oh was planning on doing it when he did months before bil proposed

I'd be hacked off if she was copying the colour scheme - I think I would have to implement LovesBeing Woken's idea!

I'm on the fence with this one.

I had a friend completely fall out with me for considering the venue she had wanted but had not yet booked and had no idea of when she would get married (except that it would be within the next two years). The venue is the most popular in our area but u backed down and booked somewhere else. She still fell out with me.

However, my SIL is extremely competitive and told me at my wedding that she was planning to outdo me (she was drunk and also said some other vile things to me). She rushed out and booked her wedding for DH's birthday, and changed her intended colour scheme to the sane as I had and is basically trying to 'copy' and 'go one better' on everything I did - centrepieces, personal touches, everything. I handmade everything for our wedding and whilst I wish I could say it doesn't bother me at all, it does piss me off a bit but only because my SIL has form for this and I know it's an attempt to get at me.

So overall, I think YANBU, if there are a million colour schemes out there, then why does she have to have the same one? And I think it would grate me too if my SIL wanted to piggy back off my hard work and research.

Sorry, but WTF is chair cover hire ? Who on earth needs that?

I'm just totally perplexed at why on earth her OH being a teacher makes her username offensive?! Really don't get that...care to explain, maras?

The wedding's about the couple; none of the guests will give a fig about your colour scheme, or favours, or style of chair tie-backs.

Exactly.

OP I have been to a LOT of weddings and they all blend into one homogeneous mass. They are all basically the same - selected from the same limited repertoire, the same readings, the same hymns the same generic meal in near identical venues.

Even if your sister in law hadn't 'copied you' odds are you'd have ended up with the same sort of wedding, as the wedding industry seems set up to fleece people of their money so their 'special day' is just like everyone else's.

Look on the positive side - use it as an opportunity to be original, fuck colour schemes, favours and chair covers and gove your guests something a bit different from the norm.

Sorry but another YABU.

No one cares about wedding colours except the BrideZilla . I haven't even met a groom that cares about the colour scheme.

I really don't understand all this angst over who gets married where, with what colour schemes, what date etc.

when I was a child, my Dad's sisters all got married within 6 months of each other. All five of them. All at same church, all receptions held at same venue. Probably all same menu, same band etc. Whilst they all had different colours for bridesmaids, the styles of the dresses were all the same and, as all photos are black and white, look exactly the same. But, nobody cared. Everyone enjoyed the weddings ( including us children) and had a great time. The only thing that caused any sadness was after the last wedding when everybody realised that the next family member to get married would probably be me or my sister and, given that I was under 10 at the time, that would be a long way into the future.

Nobody owns copyright on colour schemes, wedding venues etc. Just get over it.

I don't understand why it is a problem that she wants to use the same dj and photographer etc. The first thing I did when I got married was ask other people who they would recommend, and a few of us have used the same dj as a few friends - surely this is normal? Or are photographers/dj/florists single use only?

Two of my friends and I got married over the space of about 2 months. It was just a coincidence, and when we each discovered that we had similar dates in mind negotiated a bit so that everyone was happy.

Two of us had beach ceremonies. One of the brides, who got married before me, had similar decorations. We hadn't talked about what decorations we were having, so it was just another coincidence.

As we are all in the same group of friends, there were a lot of the same guests at each of the weddings. Despite similarities, they were all different because we all have such different personalities. Each wedding had it's own vibe.

Oh, and we all shared a hen night, as we thought it was too much to ask our friends to attend individual hens as well as the weddings.

Then, a few months later another friend asked if he could use the reading I had at my wedding for his wedding.

My point is, although the similarities might seem like a big deal now, they really aren't. Just enjoy planning your day and don't worry about what your SIL is doing. Honestly, no one other than you is going to notice colour schemes .

I think YABU.

You booked your wedding extremely close to your SIL's proposed date, which must have been a major factor in her bringing hers forward.

You then got annoyed about giving her contact details for chair hire cover for goodness sake - no-one will ever in a million years notice if their bums are on the same type of chair cover at two weddings which are now presumably months apart. You also say that you found people who are used to the venue - so there's a reasonable chance she would have finished up with some of the same people anyway.

The colour scheme is perhaps slightly irritating, but again, no-one will notice! I've been to lots of weddings and I don't think I can remember a single colour scheme, and I don't remembering noticing the colours (beyond the dresses obviously) at the time, either.

Just do what you want to do for your wedding and never mind what anyone else is doing. I've probably been to around 20 - 30 weddings in my life. I only remember specific details of a handful - and even for those, it is just odd details I remember - the rest just fades into a general blur of cream and white and complicated seating plans. I remember most of one brilliant, low-key, off-the-wall Scottish wedding. I remember the really odd music that one bride walked down the aisle to. I remember the massive micro-management of one wedding where DP was the best man - and the spectacular almost-falling-out cleavage of one wedding guest. I remember the aunt of one bride who was clearly rather overwhelmed about the groom's family's wealth and went all Hyacinth Bucket about the whole thing. I remember the hideous bridesmaid dress I wore for one wedding. I remember one of my best friends coming down an amazing staircase for her wedding. I remember the father's speech at one wedding about the bride's swiming certificates and gymnastic talent.

That's about it - no colour schemes, not much about the venues, not the ceremonies - just random details and funny things. Your wedding is most important to you - other people care about you having a nice day, but they won't remember much about it in a few days time.

I really would like all brides to hear this message loud and clear:
WHILE YOU THINK YOUR WEDDING IS INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE TO YOU, FOR YOUR GUESTS IT WILL BE THE SAME AS EVERY OTHER WEDDING ATTENDED IN THE LAST 5 YEARS.

Its true, yknow.

As a former bridezilla myself I think YprobablyABU but who cares its your wedding, your putting in all the effort into making your day how you want and she is copying!! ( yes that is childish but it's also true! Haha) I would go to the wedding be all smiles then subtlety mention to any mutual guest that SIL was short on time, poor lamb, so you kindly helped by sharing your suppliers! Just be discreet, I would probably chuck I'm the odd 'yes it's the same florist but my flowers are very different, I don't really like ott displays' but then my work colleges act made me a bridezilla sash so maybe I'm not the one to listen to! Haha

No-one would copy a wedding (their big day) out of spite. Maybe she thibks you'r ideas are good?

If she does book the same supplier/s mayube you can wangle some sort of 'finders fee' from the supplier.

Is she pregnant? Is that why the rush and lack of decision-making?

Get over yourself! Think about the real reasons for marriage, a colour scheme? Come on.....

Is a 'sweetie' buffet this year's chocolate fountain?

OP, if your wedding is after your SILs, can't you choose stuff after her wedding so that you know yours will be different? Where's the problem?

I love weddings, but IMO those that focus on colour schemes and chair covers are generally the least fun. Think about atmosphere, rollicking good fun, FUN!

Turn this on its head and negotiate a fee with all your suppliers for referrals.

The last laugh would definitely be for her to pay for your honeymoon through the flattery of imitation.

No-one going to a wedding gives two figs for, or even notices, the colour scheme. No wedding is unique - except for Cana and that had a star guest

Get a grip - enjoy your wedding, forget about hers

I would go to the wedding be all smiles then subtlety mention to any mutual guest that SIL was short on time, poor lamb, so you kindly helped by sharing your suppliers!

Dear God. Is there no end to the Wedding Madness?

I just want our day to be special and enjoyed by all

Are you providing booze and food? If so then most people will enjoy it roughly as much as they enjoy all the other weddings they go to - i.e. it will depend on how much they like weddings and what the people they are sitting with are like.

Really and truly no-one else gives a flying fuck about colour schemes, invitation styles etc. No-one remembers them years down the line (I'm not even sure I can remember our colour scheme now after almost 16 years) so it's really not worth the hassle now. Relax, enjoy the fun aspects of planning a wedding and just ignore your SIL.

YABU. Whether or not you had a say in engagement it happened just after hers. The honeymoon doesn't have to be straight after the wedding. To have two close family members wedding a month apart is really bad expense and time wise for joint guests. I think if you bothered to stop being so bridezilla you would see that they may have brought the wedding forward a year especially to make yours seem more special, she deliberately didn't book 'your' venue and as for colour if it is special to you it will still be special to you won't it?

YABU about everything (especially given your date behaviour) except perhaps the colour scheme. Tell her the wrong one, or just change yours. Otherwise, the weddings and pictures will look very samey.

I have to say though, all the 'special touches' people seem to need to have now, including lots mentioned on this thread, I think are completely unnecessary. It's all a bit teenaged and completely superfluous to having a good time or a memorable wedding. All you need for that is: nice outfits, lovely food and drink (and lots of it), good music and a friendly welcome.

In other words, don't sweat the small stuff, especially as you aren't exactly on the moral high ground.

Alternatively, get the two grooms to have a sensible adult meeting without the brides and thrash it all out.

No one will care about who the photographer is or the DJ (as long as they are good). Colour schemes a bit more annoying but not something to get too upset by. You and your DH will make your day - not a bloody colour scheme. Going forward though just don't go on about what you've chosen or decide after her wedding. You have loads of time.