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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Suitable punishment for naughty 3 year old?

98 replies

Sillyboys · 01/04/2013 13:47

This is not so much an AIBU..it is an IHBU(is he being unreasonable)!DH has just returned from the park with the DSs .DS1 is 3.5 and came in in tears crying because he wanted his toy dinosaur.When I asked where it was he cried and said it was in the river.Then DH admitted he has thrown it in the river because DS1 had deliberately thrown a ball in the river that they were playing with.DS has been quite naughty recently(has a new baby brother) but I think DH has been a bit harsh.This dinosaur goes everywhere,even to bed,and I think DH has been mean.I don't agree that DS1 should get away with everything but I think confiscation would have been enough,not permanently throwing it away.AIBU?

OP posts:
Growlithe · 01/04/2013 14:36

When you take away a child's comfort toy you need to ask the question, exactly who are you punishing? The answer to this is the child's mother 9 times out of 10, especially at a vulnerable time like when there is a new baby.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/04/2013 14:44

I've been stewing about this. I know DH has gone back to try to find the dinosaur but throwing it in the first place... I don't think I could, even in a moment of anger, hurt or throw away DD's best friend (which her stuffed toy is). He has come to be a stinky, ever-present member of the family. I would feel odd for me throwing him. Because he is real to her on some, very weird level, he is real to DH and I.

I hope DH is fully cognisant of how important dinosaur is now.

fortifiedwithtea · 01/04/2013 14:49

Well good luck with bedtime tonight. Insist DH does it. What a dreadful thing to do to a child. I'm hoping this is a bad April's Fool as this has made me feel very sad.

threesypeesy · 01/04/2013 14:51

Oh that's just cruel and nasty!! Poor poor wee boy Sad

Some one the threads on here recently regarding "punishments" child cruelty have left me sad these dcs are so young and the parents are so nasty in their treatment of them for what are in actual fact trivial incidents.

(looks at dds a little more lovingly) as i am so sad for some of these dcs

Iggly · 01/04/2013 14:52

Agree with the last few posters.

People don't realise how much their kids look up to them regardless of how they behave. These things will fuck them up.

babybythesea · 01/04/2013 14:53

I am also trying to imagine a circumstance in which I got so annoyed I chucked DD's favourite toy in a river. I can't. I just can't picture any scenario where she could do something so hideous that this would be my response. I can possibly just about imagine getting to the point where I might confiscate it for a bit but even that is pushing it. She probably wouldn't miss it much during the day although there'd definitely be trauma over the initial removal. It would be bed time when the world would collapse.
I'd be much more likely to say "You threw the ball in the river. I'm not going in for it. That toy is lost now, and since we can't play with it, we are going home."

Just seems totally out of any proportion.

LangenFlugelHappleHoff · 01/04/2013 14:57

Thats madness! What a petty little man!

Ask him how the hell you child is going learn about behavior when this example is given to him.

Easy situation to control - DS throws ball into river, DH says "Oh well, we can't play anymore" sits down and stops all fun...DS will learn he has stopped the game, spoilt the fun and I'm sure feel pretty rotten about the whole episode.

Fluffycloudland77 · 01/04/2013 14:57

Well, if he can't find it he can put ds to bed tonight when he can't settle.

I still remember the day mum cut the head off my favourite teddy.

essexmumma · 01/04/2013 14:59

Poor DS and you - you don't need this with a new baby to look after. I think you are right to feel it was too much - I would not be happy with DH either. I hope he finds it xx

Original poster
Sillyboys · 01/04/2013 15:05

This is not an April fool.And I have not read any of the other threads about punishment so had no idea there was a theme on here.How sad.We now have the dinosaur back though and DS1 is happy.Agree with everyone on here.He has been a twat.He has acted impulsively and was stupid.Paternity leave finishes this week and he'll be back at work,doing bed time and just doing fun things at weekends.If we hadn't got it back this would have gone further even though the last thing I want is confrontation right now.Thanks for replying everyone.

OP posts:
LangenFlugelHappleHoff · 01/04/2013 15:07

glad you have it back now thwack DH with the sodden dinosaur

DuttyWine · 01/04/2013 15:08

So glad he got it back, for you and your ds. Hopefully you can chalk it up as experience and he will never do anything so stupid again.

SneezingwakestheJesus · 01/04/2013 15:09

How did he get it back? Shock

magimedi · 01/04/2013 15:18

I am just so happy that dinosaur is back.

I bet your DH felt like crying when he saw DS's face when he got it back.

And I hope you can enjoy the rest of the day. Flowers

landofsoapandglory · 01/04/2013 15:23

You must live very close to an incredibly slow moving, shallow river OP! And if it was that easy to retrieve things from the river, what was the fecking issue with the ball in the first place?

If this is real, I would be having serious words with your DH if I were you. What he did was beyond cruel.

Lucyellensmum95 · 01/04/2013 15:30

Glad it was retreived - hope your DH got wet Grin Im sure it was just a fit of pique, none of us are perfect parents and im sure we have all done things we regret in the heat of the moment. What is important is that DS has his toy back and that him and daddy are friends again. Maybe your DH just needs to work on the discipline BEFORE he gets to losing his rag.

ImperialBlether · 01/04/2013 15:45

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usualsuspect · 01/04/2013 16:06

Was the dinosaur wearing a life jacket?

DuttyWine · 01/04/2013 16:13

Maybe your dp just pretended to throw it in to teach ds a lesson and carried it on too far and it backfired massively? That might explain how he got it back from a river?

aldiwhore · 01/04/2013 16:14

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Sianilaa · 01/04/2013 16:17

That's really shocking.

If my DH had done that, I'd be tearing him a new one!

At 3.5 he doesn't really understand that throwing the ball into the river means its gone forever, etc... My 3 year old would have been told off and brought swiftly home. Possibly even 3 minutes in time out.

Good luck at bedtime tonight....

Sianilaa · 01/04/2013 16:19

Ooops hadn't read the update. Glad you got dinosaur back!

Original poster
Sillyboys · 01/04/2013 16:43

To clarify,as some of you have asked,the river is a slow moving rocky gorge running through a country park.It has steep sides ,2 small weirs and several bridges.I haven't asked exactly where it was thrown in,but it definitely was as DS1 told me &DH agreed.The reason they came back without it is that is was unsafe to leave the 2&3 yr old on the bank to venture into the water.DH left to fetch it wearing wellies & waterproof trousers and was unsure he would be anle to reach it.Why anyone thinks I have made this up or done it as an April fool is beyond me! It is/was not funny at all.

OP posts:
Altinkum · 01/04/2013 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crashdoll · 01/04/2013 16:52

If my husband did that to my young child, I might seriously considering leaving the bastard.