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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand people's obsession with having to touch/hold babies?

75 replies

princessj29 · 31/03/2013 22:34

Was at DHs parents house today and they had lots of family there for Easter meal. Our baby is 7 months and also have a 5 year old. Baby is used to it being the 3/4 of us but does go to baby groups and is very Smiley and sociable but FROM A DISTANCE! I appreciate his family want to interact with her but literally every time she was playing happily one would pick her up or come and stroke her face/wave her arms about etc. Or they'd ask if they could hold her if I was, I'd say yes but face away from me as she's going through a clingy phase and will cry and reach for me if she sees me - but no, each of them stood there telling her it's ok, mummy's there etc with her crying. Cue me having an upset baby to deal with all day and them all branding her as whingey. It was the same way when my eldest was a baby and drove me mad then too - I don't understand why adults can't play alongside babies/toddlers and let them initiate physical contact, why do they insist on it? I have neices and nephews I obviously love and care for but would not pick them up and remove them from playing happily with their toys just because I felt like it and then be surprised when they weren't happy about it. AIBU to wish people would keep their distance and enjoy her happy rather than insist on physical contact and make her upset then swiftly hand her back for me to deal with while calling her whingey?

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 31/03/2013 23:32

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 31/03/2013 23:32

Its instinctive. Babies are programmed to look cute and snuggly (as are all baby animals, hence the big eyes) and adults are programmed to want to cuddle and hold them. Its designed to make us want to protect and take care of them while they are too small to take care of themselves. And it works, how often do you want to cuddle the small child crying in a supermarket because Mummy said no to sweets, even though you would say no to your own child?!

And how often have you wanted to cuddle a teenager? :o

Lovelygoldboots · 31/03/2013 23:33

You said they asked if they could hold her. Why didn't you just say no?

Bogeyface · 31/03/2013 23:35

GoldBoots indeed!

Just say "Well you can but she is being a bit clingy so dont be surprised if she cries!" or "No, she doesnt like being picked up when she is playing, maybe later when she is ready for a bed time cuddle".

Or get over it.

meddie · 31/03/2013 23:44

I understand wanting to cuddle a baby, they are cute and snuggly. But not to disturb a child who is happily playing. I really dislike people waking a sleeping baby. Why would you do that. I would flatten someone if they kept poking and prodding me while i was trying to sleep.

MickeyTheShortOne · 01/04/2013 00:01

YANBU. Could have written your post. Yes, I know people like cuddles. Thats fine, I dont mind. But DD doesnt want different people in her face all the time, sometimes she just wants to play with her toys with no other interference!!!!!!!!! Gah, it makes my blood boil when people treat her like that. And then do this Shock when she starts whingeing.

fucknuts.

HotCrossWeaselInSinisterBonnet · 01/04/2013 00:15

Had you written your op

Who the fuck thinks its acceptable to pick up a sleeping baby/distract a nodding off baby

Than you'd have got a UADNBU and a list of foolproof ways to murder your rellies without being caught.

However. UABU to be bewildered why tiny farty snot rockets are unavoidably pickupable. It's because they are squishy and cute, and look really funny when they are horrified at people who are not mum and smell weird.

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 00:16

I should add to my posts above that with a sleeping baby the only thing that they should be moved for is something life threatening. Disturb my sleeping baby and I will go batshit!

My posts above were regarding wanting to play with and cuddle a wide awake and happy baby. Yes it is a bit annoying when the 4th person to do it doesnt realise that, being the 4th person to do it, the baby has lost its happy nature about a new playmate! But I would rather have family and friends that care about my children and want to play with them than those that didnt. Its about picking your battles and appreciating that while it is a bit annoying, it comes for a good place from good people.

But dont get me started on people who try to take a crying baby from its mothers arms with "Oh, I'll settle her! You just dont have the knack...." REally? After my 6 kids to your 2, you think I dont have the knack? grrrrrrrrrrrr :o

HotCrossWeaselInSinisterBonnet · 01/04/2013 00:18

Oh and people who describe 7 month olds as whingy should be punched in the tit

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 00:18

I should add to my posts above that with a sleeping baby the only thing that they should be moved for is something life threatening. Disturb my sleeping baby and I will go batshit!

And further to ^that is that anyone I have given birth to and still lives at home counts as my baby, so wake my 22 year old and I will kill you :o

Viviennemary · 01/04/2013 00:24

I think it would be a lot weirder if your family totally ignored her. Most people like babies and want to hold them. It's nature's way of keeping the species going.

Maryz · 01/04/2013 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HotCrossWeaselInSinisterBonnet · 01/04/2013 00:35

Well yes Maryz, that goes without saying. Grin

HotCrossWeaselInSinisterBonnet · 01/04/2013 00:36

I thought your head fell off or something if you tried to wake a sleeping teen?

People actually try to do this?

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 00:41

I let my mum wake DS once when he was about......18/19 ish. He doesnt drink, never has, so no hangover involved. She was here at about 11:30 ish and was going on about him being in bed and that I should get him up, so I said "Go on then, knock yourself out!".

That was the first (and to my knowledge, only) time my son ever told my mother to Fuck Off. :o

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 00:42

To be fair, he didnt know it was her and if he was woken it was usually by his (then) 12 year old sister wanting to "borrow" his PS2!

Maryz · 01/04/2013 00:42

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 00:43

AND.....it was a Sunday. Frankly she was lucky I was up!

Maryz · 01/04/2013 00:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 00:44

Holidays are for saying "Thank fuck there is no school run tomorrow, get your own lunch I am sleeping in until nap time at 4pm", or is that just here?

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 00:48

It did serve her right, I laughed my ass off, and to be fair so did mum! DS was rather shamefaced though, which she made the most of!

HotCrossWeaselInSinisterBonnet · 01/04/2013 00:48

Doing stuff in the holidays is weird. My friend and I sometimes get the kids together to play whilst we drink coffee and ignore them. Normally at about 3pm when we've all finally got out of our pjs [bugrin]

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 00:50

My friend and I always plan Famous Five type days out during the holidays that never happen. We did one in 5 years (so far) and it was fantastic, but somehow we never seem to get out of our PJs long enough to do another one!

Maryz · 01/04/2013 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 01:00

I would be with your DS on that if it weren't for the medication. I have to eat a dry slice of bread to take my tablet, which is very annoying. Breakfast is around 1pm for me, even on a work day!