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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit sad for DC who never gets chosen as the 'winner' of pass the parcel

58 replies

Helium321 · 30/03/2013 22:24

I know this is ridiculous and it really doesn't matter but I still feel a bit sad for DS who never gets chosen to be the 'winner' of pass the parcel. He's only 3 but has been to many parties now where it's the same little group of friends and everyone now has had a turn or 2 at 'winning' but he hasn't. I know it's not about the prize but he sits there so patiently and always happily cheers with everyone for the winner. It's never really bothered me as he takes part so well but today we went to a party, it was only 5 of them in the circle including the birthday child and by the end of the game only him and one other child was really participating. Another child was more interested in playing with a toy so in the end the parcel just kept going between my child and one other or in the floor in the middle and kept going 'round' until an adult forced the parcel on the kid who was by this point playing with another toy in the circle and she became the winner. Obviously, the host is allowed to 'choose' who they want to win but feel its a bit unfair when it's even shown in such a way.

I'm waiting to be told I'm being unreasonable but still feel a bit irritated!

OP posts:

nametakenagain · 30/03/2013 22:51

Flojo, that makes me sad. That sort of thing matters for little ones. I hope you told her that the people organising the parcel made a mistake.

I agree with the other posters- present in each layer, music with no natural breaks, random final present. I usually make the final present something easy to share.

twooter · 30/03/2013 22:52

Top tip - make sure he is sat opposite the birthday child, as MOSTparents will deliberately make sure the birthday child DOESN't win, and so he'll stand the best chance from that position.

( not that I'm competitive, no definitely not. )

Molehillmountain · 30/03/2013 22:52

Poor ds! I naively still believe that children's parties are about them having fun rather than being good opportunities for learning life's harsh lessons. Went to an Easter egg hunt the other day and felt very sad for the kids who found three eggs to some of the other ones twenty or so. Vowed I'd take an extra bag of eggs to surreptitiously drop and point out to the less successful finders next time. But I'm soft like that. Make sure your ds comes to our next party and he can win for certain.

VelvetSpoon · 30/03/2013 22:58

We used to have a pinata as well...I used to have extra sweets to keep back so any who thought they didn't get a fair share from the pinata used to be able to take more. Didn't ever want children leaving thinking they'd missed out!

LadyBeaEGGleEyes · 30/03/2013 23:01

twooter, that's exactly what I did, I always fixed it so ds didn't win when he was little, he had so much already.
Op, don't be daft, you can post about anything on here.
I always had a number of games with prizes, and tried to make sure they all won something.
He's only 3 after all, when they get older and more competitive then it's every kid for themself
And yes, I'm soft like you Molehill, ds is 17 and my worries now are about girls breaking his heart..

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 23:08

Oh I feel a bit bad now for saying it's nothing to worry about after reading flojos post.

I knew I should have stuck to not minimising stuff.

I'm justifying myself by thinking not having a go at all is different to not getting the middle prize

YellowDinosaur · 30/03/2013 23:09

:o twooter

Molehillmountain · 30/03/2013 23:12

La la la, not listening, ladybeagleeyes! Just thinking about four year olds ds. How could girls not fall at his feet when every other word is "poo" or "bottom" and he dresses as a different super hero every day?

geminigirl · 30/03/2013 23:14

They probably realised that your lovely boy wouldn't freak out and throw a tantrum if they didn't get a prize, that's why the other one won. Unfair but just made the host's life easier. It's ridiculously hurtful to you as a mum, I've mentally had to give myself a kick in the arse when my DS has been 'left out' of stuff...repeat to self 'It's NOT personal...it's NOT personal' (((((hugs)))))

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 31/03/2013 00:18

Ooh just remembered how they did it at a party recently....the kids passed the parcel and as the music stopped, the child would unwrap a layer then the parent held a box of small gifts out for that child to choose from. The DC loved raking through the box...it was just bubbles and little rings etc but gosh they were happy!

notimefors · 31/03/2013 00:27

I did it exactly how Poppy suggested at last party.

sherazade · 31/03/2013 07:50

This is ridiculous but when my mum does parties for all 8 of her grandchildren she engineers a pass the parcel with something specifically tailored for every child in each layer and stops the music at the child who is next on the list of her piece of paper.

jojane · 31/03/2013 07:59

My DD ALWaYS wins pass the parcel, she also always wins coin tosses, and basically anything that involves luck!!

Regarding pass the parcel, I had a brainwave at a party the other day, when a child has had a turn get someone to stick a bright stcker on them, no more trying to remember who still needs a turn!!!!

LornMowa · 31/03/2013 08:09

I once did a spare parcel which didn't get used at my 5 year old's party. A month or so later my son had his 12th birthday at a Laser Quest place. The final half hour was spent in small room smelling of chip fat . I had luckily brought the parcel which kept 15 boys beautifully quiet until their parents came to collect them.

HollyMadison · 31/03/2013 08:10

Maybe you could volunteer to do the music at the next pass the parcel party! My DS does "win" a few things. But I have a sneaky suspicion that this is because he is smaller than many other kids and also wears hearing aids so other parents maybe feel a bit sorry for him. The fact your DS has missed out probably just means he comes across as a well behaved little man who won't kick off if he doesn't win.

StealthPolarBear · 31/03/2013 08:11

"some random prizes, like best dancer which can be given out to non winners. "

What?! you mean ever since the age of 4 I've been convinced I had a natural talent for dancing, and it was all just...a...lie?

Love the sticker idea - going to pinch that for DS's birthday. When do they get too old for PTP? He will be 6.

sherazade, does your mum do other children's parties for a fee? :o

StealthPolarBear · 31/03/2013 08:12

oh and where do you get music without natural breaks, or do you have to creat it yourself?

Wallace · 31/03/2013 08:14

Worst pass the parcel my dc have ever experienced:

No sweet, etc between the layers, in fact no layers! When a child got the parcel they were asked to leave the circle - no excited ripping off of layers :(

They were given a sweetie after they had left the circle but so many of the kids were in tears.

sherazade · 31/03/2013 08:14

she tells the kids to keep passing when a natural break occurs

Tailtwister · 31/03/2013 08:25

Piprabbit that's such a good idea, I wish I'd thought of that for DS's party. We had around 28 children, but just one parcel. The longest game of pass the parcel in history!

I agree that a small present in each layer is best.

Not everyone likes chocolate either though PoppyWearer. I've seen people do it with a bag of prizes which each child gets to choose from when they open a layer. Maybe that's the best thing so they can choose from a selection?

StealthPolarBear · 31/03/2013 08:27

But it falling out of thr parcel is the exciting bit!

Tailtwister · 31/03/2013 08:28

We went had one party where there were around 30 children and the parcel only had 6 or so layers. Cue lots of confused children and a few tears when the game just stopped randomly!

I don't know the best way. I suppose it's a game which was designed in the day where you invited 6 or so friends and not 30 like nowadays. I certainly remember opening layers with nothing in between and just a prize at the end. That was back in my day though, a long, long time ago...

dangly131 · 31/03/2013 08:59

This game helps children to deal with disappointment. They get excited that it could be them and then it isn't and nothing bad happens, it just is the way it is. I don't agree the birthday child should win, they have enough presents already and so it should be their guests that win. I had to do this as a child if I won had to pass it onto the next person so I was giving on my birthday, it taught me some very valuable lessons.

PoppyWearer · 31/03/2013 09:16

Not everyone likes chocolate? You realise it's Easter and such talk is tantamount to blasphemy.

(joking, obv, it's true not all children like chocolate but more of them like chocolate than haribo in my experience, or, even worse, those horrid Maoam things )

kungfupannda · 31/03/2013 09:20

I don't think your son is being left out on purpose, OP. It's just that you notice when he doesn't win, and he's presumably been to several parties where it happened that he didn't win. Everyone organising a party will only be aware that a particular child won - they won't be sharing notes with other party organisers.

When I used to go to parties there were no between-layers prizes, just one big one and it was fairly random who won it. I can't say I ever remember winning/not winning, so it couldn't have been that traumatic!

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