to be worried sick and angry?

[MamasGirl]

This post is about my mum's health. Let me start by saying that I am an only child (I am 22) and my mum is a single parent. She's my best friend and basically my only family. I feel sick at the thought of something happening to her. :(

My mum smokes and this is something I have been begging her to stop doing for years now. She always brushes it off or changes the topic saying that she only smokes a couple a day and has an otherwise healthy lifestyle.

Yesterday we had the worst scare of our lives. My mum had reached menopause around 3 years back and yesterday she started bleeding unexpectedly. She had been complaining of pelvic bloating and pain for some months now as well. I was alarmed and we called her doctor immediately. The doctor said to go for a pelvic ultrasound asap. They did the ultrasound and it was normal. However, her symptoms are exactly those of uterine and cervical cancer and so they have to do a biopsy to rule it out. :(

When the bleeding stops she has to go for a D&C uterine biopsy and pap smear.

I was so upset at the idea of my mum having cancer and the thought of losing her that I just lost it. I threw away her cigarettes and told her that if she ever smoked again I would stop speaking to her. I told her she has to choose between me and the smoking. She and I had a few words and I stormed out. She hasn't asked for her cigarettes back so far and no way in hell am I returning them.

My mum has a tendency to take health issues lightly and she always brushes me off when I tell her she needs to take care of herself more. She tells me I am overcautious.

The coming few days will be the longest of my life while we wait for the bleeding to stop and for the test results to come through. I couldn't bear it if she has cancer and I'm going insane with worry. :( I suppose I am posting here as much for support as I am for reassurance.

Thanks for reading.

I hope all goes well with your mums tests, it must scary but please try not to assume the worst straight away

I understand how scared you are and how you want the best for your mum but I do think you have behaved very badly to her at an already stressful time

My dad smoked and I hated it, he died of cancer but I never blamed him, never shouted at him and in the end after he'd been diagnosed I saw that smoking helped him get through, who was I to try and make him feel guilty about that? He needed my love and support and he got it

Your mum is an adult and it's her choice, and yes it's a bad one but it's not fair of you to emotionally blackmail her into stopping. It won't work anyway, people only quit when they are ready and when they are in the right headspace

Try and get through this time together supporting each other, and try to remember that as hard as this is for you your mum is the one going through it

Ok, this is just getting worse and worse. :( :( Apparently the ultrasound they did earlier was wrong and they did another one today. It shows that her endometrial lining has thickened slightly. It is 6mm and not 3mm as they had earlier assumed.This means that it could be cancer and they won't know for sure until they do the biopsy.
I don't really understand why they haven't done the biopsy yet. She has to see her doctor on Saturday and then she will have a pap smear, an internal and the doctor will see if a D & C has to be scheduled.

What makes matters worse is that I completely dislike her doctor. She is so brusque and she doesn't communicate much at all. It's impossible to request her to do anything and she never discusses possibilities in terms of diagnosis and treatment.

Everyone I have asked has said that a biopsy should have been done by now and I can't figure out why they aren't telling us one way or another.

My anxiety is hitting abnormally high levels and somewhere I've already assumed that this is cancer. :( I keep imagining what I'll do if I have to see my mum in pain and I completely lose control.

I had bleeding after the menopause but I was on HRT.
GP sent me to A&E, but I was told it is not uncommon and called a 'break through on HRT'..
Also had a D&C and biopsies but not cancerous, even though I did have cervical Cancer in situ 15 years earlier operated on.

In fact I had this 'break through' and the Hysteroscopy twice in a few years.

When it happens again, which it tends to when I am really stressed, I just stop the HRT until the 'period' stops, and then take it again.

Hope this is the case with your mum.

Digerd

Mum's not on HRT which is why the bleeding is a matter of concern. I understand it is quite common in women who are on HRT as is endometrial thickening.

I am sorry to hear you had cervical cancer :( I hope you are OK now.

It is interesting that you mention stress. My mum's been horribly stressed recently and this may be the reason for the bleeding. Fingers crossed that's what it is.

May I ask you if the D and C is painful? Mum's so worried it's going to hurt. It doesn't help that the doctor's a real cow who isn't big on pain relief.

If you are abroad are they speaking English as a second language as often it comes across as abrupt. Do bear in mind that health systems and protocols may differ from one country to another, many countries have better success rates for treating cancer, assuming that is what it turns out to be, than UK. Is the country a private health system and is your dm being treated as a private or public patient.

However what strikes me about your posts is that you seem to be focussing on your emotions rather than supporting your dm. yanbu to worry but you need to be less stressed with her. If you cannot stay indefinitely your energy may be better directed towards finding local sources of support.

They speak English very well and the health system is quite good. She is being seen as a private patient which is why I am even more annoyed with the delay.

I am of course doing my best to support her. Perhaps it comes across differently because I say it from my POV? I can't be so open with my emotions and fears with her because it will make her feel worse.

Speaking English well is not the same as a native speaker though. The intonation and sentneced structure may convey a tone which is not intended so may appear to lack a bedside manner. Do bear in mind that the process of diagnosis may not be the same as you may hear/read about the UK. I'm sure if she is seeing gynae they will offer sedatives and apply relaxants to make the investigations as painless and unintrusive as possible. Focus on keeping things as normal as possible and deal with bad news if and when.

Thanks for the reassurance. Everyone in this country is bilingual and education is imparted entirely in English. So there is no language barrier to be honest (I didn't name the country because I don't really want my mum to be identified). The doctor doesn't communicate much and tends to have an "I know best" attitude. My mum likes her but I don't. I obviously don't want to say this to my mum because ultimately she has to be happy with the doctor she is going to.

There is a forum - can't remember the name of it - dedicated to people going through what your mum is - could she join that? They have lots of info about procedures and test etc

It could be fibroids which are not usually cancerous - they sometimes get removed when they get too big.