to get quite irritated with people who claim to have a 'phobia' of something when they really don't?

[extremepie]

Inspired by a spider thread on another part of the site [bugrin]

Ok, I know that a phobia is somewhat subjective and affects everyone differently but it really gets on my nerves when people claim that they 'have a phobia' of something when what they really mean is 'I'm a bit scared of X' or 'I really don't like X'.

It isn't the same thing!

For example, I have a friend who claims to have a 'spider phobia' - she says she finds it hard to put a glass over them and take them outside, she gets all itchy afterwards.

Compare that to me who has an 'actual' phobia of spiders - recently I was in hysterical tears because there was a HUGE spider in the kitchen and DH had gone out. I could not deal with it myself, I couldn't even go near it, I phoned my friend at 11pm and begged him to get out of bed and remove it because I didn't know what else to do. When that didn't work I put a frantic message on facebook to everyone who knew me to come and help me, I was desperate!

I just think that for every person who claims to have a phobia of something who doesn't really it makes people less, I dunno, tolerant and understanding of people who genuinely do.

Like people who would scare you 'for a laugh', thinking its funny to trap you in a room with 'X' or shove 'X' in your face and then being all 'oh, I didn't think you'd react that badly' when you have a panic attack!

AIBU?

stickers upset me, the idea of them has me itchy but I can get a little hysterical if their nasty stickiness is close to touching me. It feels like they will never come off and I panic a bit.

I'm a primary teacher! My class probably wonder why they are directed to collect their own reward stickers from the drawer...

I think a lot of people don't understand what a phobia actually is and they use it when they mean that they really really REALLY don't like something!

When in actual fact, a phobia triggers your fight or flight response and is bloody terrifying.

I had a needle phobia. It caused me to discharge myself against medical advice rather than have needles, and refuse a life changing operation. I would rather have died and yes, I mean actually died, than had a needle.

It took many many sessions of cbt to learn how to tolerate needles.

Really really hating something and being afraid of it is awful. But it's not the same as a phobia. Where you think you're going to die.

And yes, the world and his wife appears to have a needle 'phobia' and then have a bit of a whinge and stick their arm out.

I nearly died because my terror of needles was so strong.

But it doesn't annoy me any more when people say they've got a phobia when they haven't. I'm glad they haven't. I'm glad that they don't know what it actually feels like, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

treatment? nah. just something i try and give myself a boot up the bumbum and make an effort to take Dc out.

THEN try and put ona brave face when we ARE out, just try and avoid eye contact and stuff. difficult when we have to get public transport, but if we can we use the car.

Just trying to make sure Dc doesnt miss out on a social life. my friends are okay about it, sometimes (they have kids DC plays with) i jsut can hardly make convo and they are understanding.

Ok. If it gets worse you can always get help though...please dont suffer in silence.
I have agoraphobia and claustrophobia. At one point I hadn't left my house for seven weeks. I was signed off work for 3 months.

I have come a good way since October with intensive CBT. Today I started anti-anxiety medication to give me an extra boost. I believe I can conquer this and I refuse to keep living a half-life at the mercy of my phobias.

Imtoo, I really feel like I would rather die than have one touch me, I used to have a recurring nightmare where I was trapped in a car with one and I kept leaping out into the road to get away!

The thought of my kids touching one also completely freaks me out, I can't bear it because (even though I know they aren't really) to me they are so dangerous there is no way I can risk my precious babies coming into contact with one!

I can still quite calmly and discuss how irrational and silly it is to be so afraid of something that is so unharmful (in this country anyway :) ) but as soon as I actually see one a trip switch goes in my brain and I become unable to think logically past the blind panic.

I really want to get over it but, like some others have said, I can't bring myself to expose myself to them on purpose!

I do think an element of it is learned though, as my mom and sister are both as bad as me and my brother doesn't like them very much. DH was fine with them before meeting me, I think I rub off on people!

well done tak for taking a bold step!

but i think im like the poster that said she wont go to the gp about her fear of snakes as shes sure the doc will just thrust a snake in her hand.

theres no way i actually want to be pushed into a roomfull of people or something.

we go to church and we 'sneak' in a bit late,and i sit right at the back, maybe nod to people (hate it when the priest says to share the peace and evryone starts shaking hands, i have to 'go to the ladies room' when they do that) DC goes to sunday school and i slip out before the end, and wait in the car for DC to come out.

I have a phobia of wasps. I remember going to Alton Towers with the school and I ended up having an asthma attack (brought on by sheer panic and anxiety) because of the wasps surrounding the bins.

I also remember phoning my dad when I moved into my first home and a wasp came into the kitchen. I was literally sobbing and he thought I had been burgled/attacked. Bless him, he did the 1hr round trip to get the bastard wasp out of the kitchen.

When DD was 18mth, I was shopping in Newcastle. A wasp started flying round the pushchair she was in. I fled and ran into the nearest shop, screaming and sobbing. To my shame, I actually left DD with the wasp circling her and the pushchair .

Finally, at the grand old age of 33, I killed a wasp. I used an entire can of Raid and gave myself an asthma attack in the process! Phobias can seem funny to other people and I know that my phobia can seem tame to others, but I find my phobia disabling...

You start off very very small and build up. There is a skill to CBT,no decent practitioner would ever ever make you do the phobic things right away. You work your way up via a system of least scary to most scary over time and you have calm rational thought to replace the irrational phobia-based ones while you're doing it.

Me too. I could always analyse my behaviour. Didn't make a blind bit of difference. The logical reasonable part of me could acknowledge that having an injection or some blood taken would not in reality kill be while at the same time the second the thought of actually having a needle crossed my mind, I'd be shaking and crying.

What used to piss me right off was people attempting to reassure me by saying it really wasn't very painful. demonstrating that they just didn't bloody get it! As if it was about the tiny little scratch you feel!

I never thought I would get over it. I haven't got over it, more that I have been taught coping strategies via LOADS of cbt!

I really would recommend it. They don't get you in the room and confront you with your fear. It is a very gradual process that you are totally in control of.

In answer to the question, no a phobia is not only if you avoid something completely. If you can be in the presence of something and it causes you marked distress then it is still a phobia.

horrible isnt it, all these genuine phobias. and yy what seems tame to others....

I actually LOVE reptiles, i love snakes. but ive seen others (like on here) go absolutely spare with them.

Yep. I can hold a mouse. I could put a spider out the window. I think snakes are cool and I can yap on the phone for hours.

But put me in a queue in the post office, or on a train at rush hour, or in a meeting room with lots of people I don't know....and I'm a quivering, shaking, sweating mess.

Fortunately I don't have phobias of anything else (thank god!) - really like snakes too!

Bunnyjo that is pretty life limiting in summer, that must be really difficult for you, I can't imagine how I would feel if spiders could fly, were out in abundance during my favourite season and were attracted to my picnic/barbecue food :(

I can't leave windows open for the breeze in the summer though, which is a bit annoying but I'd rather be hot than risk the 8 legged bastards getting in the house!

I cannot even type out the name of my phobia because that means I will think of them, not spiders quite like spiders.

I cannot go outside my house after dark in the summer in case they are about or early in the morning. I cannot touch things in the garden in case one of them are on there, I would love to garden but I can't dig soil in case they are there. Cannot look at a photo.

Even the pellets to get rid of them has a photo of them on there, why??? I get DP to peel the photo off!

Thank you extremepie. I live in a lovely old farm house that seems to be permantly riddled with spiders as big as cellar spiders. I am pretty thankful that I don't have a phobia of them.

Weirdly, I've never been stung by a wasp and I have no recollection of how my phobia began (much to the disgust and confusion of most behavioural psychologists).

I don't leave windows open in summer, because of wasps. Luckily, we live on the top of a little valley that gets lots of wind, so wasps don't tend to settle round here. But, I'd rather not take the risk...

I have many strong fears. Not sure if I'd class any as phobias but I'm terrible with
Frogs
Heights
Large spiders
Needles
Dentists
Cows (despite my name. It's cow print I love)
Pylons
Anything medical
Bananas
Stomach bugs (petrified of being sick or getting diarrhoea)

I suppose the worse for me is the medical one. I think I'd probably class it as a true phobia as I'll do anything to avoid going to the doctor or having any kind of medical procedure.
I had to go to the docs the other day and I was a wreck. I only needed a lump looking at but I'd convinced myself they were going to take blood or send me to the hospital and put me on a drip.
I was sat in the waiting room close to tears with my heart pounding and palms sweating. Of course I then panic so much I'm scared I'll be sick so that's another thing to worry about.

I have a friend with a needle phobia (as in syringe not sewing) I've gone with her for blood samples, we tell the staff and they think she is just a bit nervous.

Nope she has one of the following reactions

Total panic attack, hyperventilatilating, crying, shaking the works.

Faints and they have to monitor her for 10 mins because her BP is so low.

So OP I agree with you, people should not say they have a phobia unless they do.

I have a friend with a needle phobia (as in syringe not sewing) I've gone with her for blood samples, we tell the staff and they think she is just a bit nervous.

Nope she has one of the following reactions

Total panic attack, hyperventilatilating, crying, shaking the works.

Faints and they have to monitor her for 10 mins because her BP is so low.

So OP I agree with you, people should not say they have a phoi

I have a very strange reaction to rows of holes, so things like honey combs, sponges, pumice stones, porous things. They really make me gag. I have had it my whole life and have no idea why. I am not sure if it's a phobia as I can be in the same room as these things, but I just can't look at them without nearly being sick.

I have never met anyone who has anything similar but would love to as I feel like a right weirdo.

Chrome, how do you feel about lotus pods?

Some people think it's fun to photoshop them onto people so it looks like they have holes in their skin. [sad[confused

Chrome100, the phobia of rows of holes is a known phobia....has a proper name. I read about it once, can't remember the name now.

I have Cliethrophobia, fear of been trapped. It's different from claustrophobia as I'm fine in small spaces. But I can have a melt down in the bread aisle in tesco if its busy as I can't see the door. In fact been in crowds makes it worse as I start to panic that I can't get out. Dh seems to think I have a phobia of flying as I have panic attacks in airports. But it's not flying, it's the airport.....especially round the queues for security as I'm not near any windows, doors, etc.

Chrome, I have trypophobia. A fear of clusters or rows of holes. Mainly organically made, but some man-made holes set me off as well.

Lotus pods, sponges, seashells, you name it. Anything in skin is a major trigger. Also, clusters of tiny things too, like ant eggs or butterfly eggs on a leaf.

You're not alone! I thought I was for years, but there's a huge community of us online. I've never met someone with the same phobia in real life though.

Bunnyjo- me too. I've done similar with DD also, one landed on her head and I ran in terror. Luckily DP was still there but I know I'd have run either way. If there's something buzzing that I can't see it has a similar effect because it could be a wasp, I've had a full blown panic attack before now.

I do know where it comes from though, I was stung as a child and I react more severely than some. So my mother became convinced if I was stung again I'd have an anaphylactic reaction (which as an adult I know is a minute chance but as a kid I accepted as truth) and terrified me with "If it stings you, you'll die".

Sparkling, sorry only just come back to the thread. No this was much more than sweaty palms - I had to have emla cream (I imagine this was purely psychological!), wouldn't sleep the night before, would need to lie down because would often faint before they even got the needle out of the packet, would need a specific nurse to do the injection, etc, etc.

Then of course I had all the needles that pg entails and at one point up to be pinned down to have a blood test because I had Pre eclampsia and they needed to test me but I was refusing to have the blood test.

It's a nightmare

Oh Domestic that just sounds so awful. Pinned down?