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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that if your child has a head-to-toe rash with fever, you should tell me before I bring my DC round for a playdate?

43 replies

KindleMum · 27/03/2013 17:56

As the title really. Arranged a playdate a few days ago for today. Arrive at the other mum's today with my DC, go in, take off coats etc, settle down. She says her DS will be out in a minute, he's just in his room. When he comes in, she says, "oh, I did wonder if I should have phoned you to see if you wanted to cancel - DS has been grumpy under the weather for a few days and today he has fever and a rash all over him".

Look at her DS and yes, he is miserable, poor lamb, and is indeed completely spotty from head to toe. I ask what she thinks it is, she says don't know, just some virus I guess.

I announce, somewhat annoyed that I'm taking my DCs home and she repeats that surely it's just a virus.

It won't be a major fall-out, we're still friends but WIBU? I'm not generally over-precious about germs as I feel children build their immune systems by catching things but I do feel I should have been given information in advance rather than after we'd settled in. Yes, it probably is a virus but I'm no doc and frankly it could be measles, rubella, CP, anything for all I know - they're all viruses. I want the choice of whether to expose my children to unknown rashes.

Also her DS was miserable and in no fit state to have friends over. He clearly just wanted peace and cuddles.

OP posts:

ginmakesitallok · 27/03/2013 17:58

Yanbu. Dd2 had just recovered from scarlet fever, rash and fever. She should have told you

Iggly · 27/03/2013 17:59

YANBU jeezus!!!

My ds had scarlet fever. Very bloody contagious. No way would I have any kids near him.

Selfish woman. Just a virus?!

fieldfare · 27/03/2013 18:00

Bloody hell that really gets on my pip too. You did exactly as I would have done fwiw.

Original poster

KindleMum · 27/03/2013 18:04

God, I hope it wasn't scarlet fever! Hopefully they weren't with him long enough to catch anything, knowing my luck they'd incubate it all hols and go sick just as school and nursery restart for the summer term!

Good to know I wasn't being precious, didn't think I was but it's good to check. I don't know what she was thinking. And I really don't get the "just a virus" thing. Heck, HIV and bird flu are viruses, virus is not a synonym for "not a problem". (obviously I know it's not HIV or bird flu!)

OP posts:

Loulybelle · 27/03/2013 18:06

YANBU, Kids will pick things up but you should try to avoid infecting them, what a silly woman.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 27/03/2013 18:10

That would have pissed me off too, YANBU. Worse illness I've ever had was "just a virus" it was HF&M. DD was only slightly ill with it, I was knocked for 6 and ended up with pneumonia.

It was not her call to make to expose you all to it.

SatsukiKusukabe · 27/03/2013 18:16

of be fuming and would see it as the end of a friendship. what a selfish arse she was being

Original poster

KindleMum · 27/03/2013 20:30

It does make me wonder what I'll do in future when she asks to meet. I It would be a bit much to ask if her DC have any contagious diseases! But I think after this time she will be more considerate and sensible.

OP posts:

TeWiSavesTheDay · 27/03/2013 20:44

If it is scarlet fever (it's on the rise!) He needs a 10day course of antibiotics. It's not a virus, but bacterial.

The mum is daft and I'd be annoyed.

Original poster

KindleMum · 27/03/2013 20:49

Scarlet fever is bacterial? Never knew that. So does that mean you'd have to touch in order to pass it on?

OP posts:

Rosa · 27/03/2013 20:51

Virus or not she should have told you... Silly woman. scarlet fever is rampant in my part of Italy now and dd2 we caught early before it got bad but even then her skin itched like mad......

Rosa · 27/03/2013 20:52

Kindle mum...it can be passed just be beaing in the same room... We were told to keep dd in ( or away from people) for 48hrs from 1st antibiotic....

christinarossetti · 27/03/2013 20:52

It's caught through air born germs.

My dd had it (and luckily doctor recognised what it was very quickly) but neither ds or any other child in her nursery at the time contracted it.

It's a specific type of rash on the chest and upper body and face, not all over.

WilsonFrickett · 27/03/2013 20:54

Dear god, some people just take the pip. I would have done exactly the same thing and then my DS would have had a tantrum YANBU.

Original poster

KindleMum · 27/03/2013 20:58

Hmm, no idea what the poor child had (I am entirely ignorant when it comes to identifying rashes) but it's interesting that everyone is jumping to scarlet fever - must be a lot of it about at the moment. I must try to find out whether it's doing the rounds up here. His rash was fairly fine and pink FWIW. But there were a lot of spots!

OP posts:

Original poster

KindleMum · 27/03/2013 20:59

Wilson - DS did cry at having to leave when he'd been promised a playdate. But leaving was the only sensible thing to do.

OP posts:

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 21:00

That is really quite odd behaviour! YANBU to leave immediately in hese circs.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 21:01

I mean Odd behaviour from the other mum, not the op.

WilsonFrickett · 27/03/2013 21:02

Aw, of course it was, I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. Well, actually the sensible thing would have been to phone you this morning, but you know what I mean. Spotty rashes usually make me think viral, so hopefully it will be ok.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 27/03/2013 21:02

There's a good picture on the NHS page, I looked it up because a girl at DDs preschool had it. (mum/staff were very vigilant and I don't think anyone else got it)

Rosa · 27/03/2013 21:03

My dd had it only on upper arm round to arm pit and the back of her knees!!!! However she had like a honecomb effect under the skin for a few days aswell. - she is very pale skinned and a white blonde . Tiny spots , skin had a rough sand paper feel to it.

Original poster

KindleMum · 27/03/2013 21:06

DS does cry easily if he's disappointed and it just added to the stress of the moment and the "kindle is being unreasonable, she's made her DS cry" vibe.

I had texted her in the morning to check we were still on so she could easily have mentioned it then.

OP posts:

simplesusan · 27/03/2013 21:08

YANBU.

She should have told you in advance and given you the option of cancelling.
Very irresponsible on her part.

Original poster

KindleMum · 27/03/2013 21:10

So if he's still spotty in a few days, do I have to suggest that he needs to see a doctor in case it needs antibiotics? Oh, that's going to go down well!

OP posts:

RemindMeWhatSleepIs · 27/03/2013 21:20

People really are selfish aren't they! She should have warned you.

When my DS was less than a week old a friend came over for a nose at the new baby bringing her 2 year old DD who looked terrible! She had a high temperature, cough, cold and had been unwell for 2 weeks, also she had a coldsore. Her DD was desperate to hold the baby. I realise I had a 2 year old at the time too, you can't shelter the baby from every germ, but that was just selfish! I wouldn't dream of taking my poorly children to visit people.

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