to think that if your child has a head-to-toe rash with fever, you should tell me before I bring my DC round for a playdate?

[KindleMum]

As the title really. Arranged a playdate a few days ago for today. Arrive at the other mum's today with my DC, go in, take off coats etc, settle down. She says her DS will be out in a minute, he's just in his room. When he comes in, she says, "oh, I did wonder if I should have phoned you to see if you wanted to cancel - DS has been grumpy under the weather for a few days and today he has fever and a rash all over him".

Look at her DS and yes, he is miserable, poor lamb, and is indeed completely spotty from head to toe. I ask what she thinks it is, she says don't know, just some virus I guess.

I announce, somewhat annoyed that I'm taking my DCs home and she repeats that surely it's just a virus.

It won't be a major fall-out, we're still friends but WIBU? I'm not generally over-precious about germs as I feel children build their immune systems by catching things but I do feel I should have been given information in advance rather than after we'd settled in. Yes, it probably is a virus but I'm no doc and frankly it could be measles, rubella, CP, anything for all I know - they're all viruses. I want the choice of whether to expose my children to unknown rashes.

Also her DS was miserable and in no fit state to have friends over. He clearly just wanted peace and cuddles.

what was she thinking of!

mental.

slapped cheek is rife here I had it and it was awful, I didnt have the slapped cheek appearance but the rash and temp, very contageous.

YANBU. But she might have been a bit knackered looking after dc and desperate for adult company (which would be tremendously selfish of her). Maybe somebody told her about measles parties and how it's great for their immune systems and she very mistakenly thought it was the done thing.

YANBU, I would have been annoyed in your situation OP. Like you said, her DS was obviously not up for a play date and could have been highly infectious so she should have cancelled.

YANBU.

She should have told you, regardless of how minor she thinks the rash is. She can't be sure that it's just a harmless virus (and I agree with you that the whole "just a virus so can't be serious" thinking can be very annoying).

Very irresponsible not to tell you in advance.

Ywnbu. Her poor ds, being made to socialise if he clearly wasn't well.

In a very slight defence to her, and everyone else who says 'its just viral' - that seems to be the stock diagnosis round our way by certain gp's - my dc, ds especially, often get rashes and high temps. If it goes on longer than 3 days I take them in to be told 'its probably just viral, bring them back if it's no better in a week/10days (depending on who I see).

I find it infuriating as twice 'just a virus' has seen ds in hospital with viral meningitis/type symptoms. But it's easy to see how people could minimise how serious viral illnesses can be.

Good on you to get up and leave. What on earth was she thinking??

Definately YANBU

I take your point sokmonsta but one hopes that when docs say "it's just a virus" that it's shorthand for "I've looked at your child and excluded the main, named rashes that are likely and it's something minor that we can't realistically identify". She's not knowledgeable enough to issue the "just a virus" claim. She's not one of the uber-experienced mums who's seen it all (in awe of those!).

NayFindus - I have sympathy for people who go stir-crazy at home with sick kids but it doesn't give you the right to knowingly infect other people. If my children are contagious, they stay home - and sometimes that means they miss something like a party and they're upset but I explain that we have to be considerate. I hate being stuck home with poorly kids but hey, do as you would be done by etc!

Her boy was far too poorly to enjoy it anyway, he was just a limp rag, poor love.

Yes, I do recall saying it would have been tremendously selfish of her Kindle.

And YABVU to be a total cow to the first person that doesn't slate your friend

Update - MAJOR drama! She brought the child to mums and toddlers today! Still spotty! I am relieved that I was late today and arrived just as she was leaving but apparently it was brutal, she was told in no uncertain terms by the group that she was selfish and had to leave. From what I was told (everyone was still up in arms when I arrived and keen to retell the tale) I would be embarrassed to return to the group if I were her.

Findus -sorry, didn't mean you'd supported her actions. I phrased it badly.

Yanbu at all. Oddly I had a parent try to drop her Year R child off in exactly the same state yesterday, red rash over whole body, sore throat and fever. I was absolutely aghast and told her to take the poor child home. Unbelievable!!!

kindle just read your last post! Snap! Poor bloody child!

Wow, well at least you now know you are not the only one, I can't believe trying to go to a grup with a very visible unidentiied rash, that is never likely to win friends!

Not the only one worried by the condition of her child I mean

cherries - how can a parent do that?Don't they have any sense? or responsibilty? or guilt? I get that childcare is difficult but honestly, you can't just take such a sick child to school and inflict it on the rest of the class, causing more illness and more parents to take time off work. And realistically, how do you expect to get away with palming off a visible rash? Was the mother even embarrassed?

yellow - yes, I don't get it either. Even if some of the parents are very laid-back, you are never going to get a whole group that doesn't mind.

Unbelievable that she'd take the child to a toddler group when he was so visibly ill and rashy - with unidentified rash.

How could she possibly think that no-one would mind?

There have been debates in the group in recent months when a child has had CP or measles and the mother has been bored and wanted to return before the contagious period was over. Maybe she misinterpreted those discussions/arguments as leeway? Though that's stretching it as in both cases the conclusion of the group was that you stay away until you're no longer contagious.

and in those cases, the mum asked the group by email or FB in advance, they didn't just turn up.