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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding my daughter's first car?

67 replies

allo2101 · 27/03/2013 11:59

My daughter will be 17 in July. Her father, from whom I have been apart since she was two years old, has said he will pay for her first car. This is probably the first time he's offered to pay for anything substantial since we split up, ALL he gives me maintenance of £160 a month for my two teenage daughters. I have always paid for all school trips, holidays etc etc. But I appreciate his offer and I am very grateful - although I know I'll probably end up paying most of the insurance ....

Anyway, he asked my daughter what cars she likes (budget of around £1200). Her favourite is a Renault Clio. He said in no uncertain terms, "I'm not buying you that French crap, choose something else. I'll buy you anything but a Clio." (He isn't one for mincing his words) She then decided she liked two other types of car, Yaris and Corsa - and again he said, "No, they're crap, I think you should have ...." and named a couple of other cars which my daughter really doesn't like the look of. She said, "But you told me anything but a Clio and I've named two other cars." They have ended up having a huge row about this and it's really upset me.

I can see both points of view, he says he's buying her the car and she should grateful to get anything. She says that she doesn't want him to spend loads of money on a car she's not happy with. I'm stuck in the middle of all of this and I am really tempted to tell him to forget the whole thing and I'll buy the car myself, not that I can really afford to pay for that, the lessons and the insurance. She's trying desperately hard to get a part-time job to pay for the insurance herself but it's very hard to find anything much where we live.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TeenyW123 · 27/03/2013 12:33

I don't really think it matters what car your dd gets. She just needs to look at it as a car to get through her test and then get a bit of experience under her belt. When she starts earning she can get an upgrade, but quite honestly, all she needs is something to get her from A to B in a reliable manner and in the most economical way possible.

When she's earned some no claims bonuses she can be more selective.

Teeny

TheCraicDealer · 27/03/2013 12:33

I have no truck with people who say, "I just liked the look of it" when asked about why they picked that car. It's a big financial commitment! What does he want her to get? Alright, it might look a bit boy-racery, but if it's reliable and won't cost her a fortune in upkeep then who cares? She's sitting in the car, she won't notice what it looks like!

NB- My lack of sympathy comes from the fact my own dad got my sister and a Ford C-Max to learn in. Not only did it have the turning circle of a small articulated lorry, people assumed I had triplets.

livinginwonderland · 27/03/2013 12:35

i get she doesn't want a certain model, but my thought has always been "you can't be picky". my mum helped me buy my car, and if i'd told her i didn't like it, her response would be "well, when you're paying, you can have whatever car you like".

she'll be using it for eighteen months-two years at most. i think your focus should be safety and cost, not looks :/

Original poster
allo2101 · 27/03/2013 12:36

Craic, he's looking at a Citroen Saxo and a very old Polo. I like Polos but this one is just so old, can imagine it going wrong all the time like all his cars do

OP posts:
MaxPepsi · 27/03/2013 12:36

What other cars has he mentioned?

My first car was a clio and although it was old it was great. However I wanted to get rid of it asap and had no choice when it failed it's mot as I wanted a bigger car for all my shopping trips and the dog

I know there are many debates about the safety of little cars and whether it's true or not a lot of people do not see small cars as being safe. I would certainly put all 3 cars your daughter has chosen in the 'unsafe' category. Is that your ex's problem?

Depending on where you are £1200 will buy you a lot of car!

madwomanacrosstheroad · 27/03/2013 12:37

I have an eight year old renault modus, much the same as clio and in the four years i have had it it has not once let me down. The problem with renault can be the electrics, especially as they can be full of gadgets. As a first small car i would look at an old micra or hyundai with a one litre engine.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 27/03/2013 12:37

I have an eight year old renault modus, much the same as clio and in the four years i have had it it has not once let me down. The problem with renault can be the electrics, especially as they can be full of gadgets. As a first small car i would look at an old micra or hyundai with a one litre engine.

Original poster
allo2101 · 27/03/2013 12:38

living, I think her focus IS on safety - can't see why the cars she has picked wouldn't be any less safe than any other small models

OP posts:
MaxPepsi · 27/03/2013 12:39

Oh I see, x post. Small cars being potentially unsafe is not his concern.

Original poster
allo2101 · 27/03/2013 12:39

MaxPepsi, why would you consider these to be unsafe? Is it because they are small? The problem is that if she has a bigger car, the insurance is going to be totally prohibitive

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 27/03/2013 12:43

I wouldn't be keen on the saxo either, but polo's are cracking little cars. DP has an nine year old one that hasn't had a single thing wrong with it, my sister has just got a new one off the back of his experience.

What about a Beetle? A quick look on autotrader shows they start at around £1,000 and might be a good compromise.

cricketballs · 27/03/2013 12:43

A corsa is so far out of my DS's price range insurance wise its ridiculous! We got him a Suzuki Alto (1000cc) which although is not lovely to look at seems to be one of the cheapest on all fronts for a 1st car.....he's just got to pass his test now tomorrow

TheCraicDealer · 27/03/2013 12:43

Shite, 2.0L, ignore!

CheeseStrawWars · 27/03/2013 12:45

I got a car for my 17th, I had no say in it, it was presented to me as a gift and I was delighted. I think if your DD's dad had done that - in consultation with you over insurance etc - she'd have been pretty happy with whatever?

It is being asked for your input and then being told your opinion is "crap" which is hurtful and demeaning. Especially when the goalposts are shifted arbitrarily so even on your second attempt your say is invalidated.

Why doesn't he come up with a shortlist of 3 that he thinks are okay, from which she can choose one? Then she has some degree of say, but he's not going to set her up for a fall again.

Original poster
allo2101 · 27/03/2013 12:46

Haha, yes she'd love a Beetle, but the engine size is massive! I think if she could get a newer shape Polo for the money she'd be happy, but this one he's looking at is a T reg or something like that which would worry me.

OP posts:
Original poster
allo2101 · 27/03/2013 12:47

CheeseStrawWars, I like your idea of him coming up with a shortlist of three to go head to head with her shortlist of three - then perhaps between them they'll come to a decision!

OP posts:
madwomanacrosstheroad · 27/03/2013 12:47

In terms of safety, size is not the main consideration. Renault is by far one of the safest cars, very few other makes get anywhere near. Some bigger cars are outright scary (ie the fold out seats in the back of zafira etc). With her budget choices are limited. If safety is the main concern, the clio is the one to go for.

whiteflame · 27/03/2013 12:48

Well it's not so muhc that she should be grateful for any car (which she obviously should be, and she doesn't sound like a spoilt brat!) but the way it was done.

If he wants her to have a particular car then fine, he should tell her what he is willing to get (and maybe give her a choice between a few he will buy). It is stupid to say "what would you like" followed by "no way".

I'd be getting annoyed if i was her.

ENormaSnob · 27/03/2013 12:50

Pmsl that he is refusing a Yaris yet recommending a fucking Citroen saxo!

Original poster
allo2101 · 27/03/2013 12:53

Oh whiteflame, she is getting annoyed, believe me!! It's very stressful around here at the moment Grin

ENormaSnob, I couldn't agree with you more! All I think of when I see the Saxo is Gavin and Stacey!

OP posts:
diddl · 27/03/2013 13:03

I'm guessing that he's hoping that if he twats about enough she'll tell him not to bother.

Then for all eternity he can crow on about how he offered to buy a car but the offer was turned down...

lljkk · 27/03/2013 13:23

I fear Diddl is right.
He is being VU, not sure what OP is asking, though.
I think I would try to work a different deal out, maybe just focus on one goal at a time. Sounds like she doesn't even have a license yet.

EMUZ · 27/03/2013 13:54

Can I suggest a VW fox? As a first car it's pretty good, I picked one up cheap as with v v low mileage
I do have a new Polo now though and I love that too

Poppet48 · 27/03/2013 13:58

I agree with your daughter, You don't offer to buy someone a car and then choose what one they have after her looking and choosing her favourite.

bluer · 27/03/2013 16:37

Def get her a polo...they are great and very forgiving, sturdy little cars. My first one did 170000 miles before I finally gave it up and it never needed anything major. I was desperate for a new peugeot 208, and my dad was quite against me buying it as he said French cars are poorly made etc. well I bought it and at 7 Weeks out of its 3 year warranty with only 32000 on the clock the timing belt snapped and wrecked the whole engine. It had just been serviced and mot at a Peugeot dealer but they wanted to know nothing about it. Cost 2 grand to get it back on the road and the first thing I did was take it to a dealer and trade it in for a cheaper polo...which is still going during and again hasn't cost me anything significant. Timing belts should last 70000 miles so the part and the car were inferior.
As much as I hate to admit it Wink my dad was right. Show this to your daughter!