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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little bit upset that DS hasn't been included in the nursery souvenir?

67 replies

choceyes · 27/03/2013 09:15

DS's nursery has made a tea towel type thing with a little picture or hand print done by each child. Parents can buy it as a souvenir.

When I looked yesterday, DS wasn't on it, and when I mentioned this to the nursery manager who was passing by, she said it was done on a day that DS was off sick. DS was off sick due to a tummy bug for two consecutive days in Feb, and before that hasn't been ill for over a year. Manager said that she was in a rush to do the tea towel as there was a deadline.
DD who goes to the same nursery does have her handprint on it.
When I looked closely last night (nursery sent a pic of it by e-mail), a couple of other kids who I know hadn't been included either, they both attend different days to when the tea towel was done.

AIBU a bit upset that DS (who has been at this nursery for the longest, 3.5yrs) hasn't been included, and that AIBU to think that the nursery manager should have got all the kids on it before she made the tea towel, even if it meant making it a few weeks later? What good is a nurseyr souvenir when not all the kids are on it?!
I feel a bit bad for DS, because he has been the tea towel as it's pinned up near the entrance, and he was looking for his name Sad. I'm not sure he cares, but I feel a bit sad.

AIBU? Prepared to be told I am, maybe I am overthinking this massively.

OP posts:
manchestermummy · 27/03/2013 15:26

YANBU, I would have been sad too. DD's nursery never, ever put her artwork on the wall. They got all the pre-schoolers to draw the staff for the notice board and DD's drawing was attributed to another child: she was actually finishing it off when I went for her one day. I had a lot of complaints about the nursery which I made known (we moved DD2 eventually; DD1 is at school) and it felt like DD1 was being picked on Sad

Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 15:32

manchestermummy (incidentally I'm a manchester mummy too, hope it's not the same nursery!)
This has happened to DS too. A couple of times his art work hasn't been displayed in the foyer with all the other preschool work, and I felt a bit sad then but I didn't say anything. Most of the children at nursery attend full time, and as DS only goes 3 days a week, I always let it go, thinking that ok maybe they've done it when he's not been in. But I feel this is too important to just let go.

OP posts:
DisAstrophe · 27/03/2013 16:12

Choceyes - I only used the word injustice as you yourself used it a few times -eg " I've spoked to my mum and my mum told me how she had always spoken up at any injustices done to me (not deliberately but things like this)."

Hope you sort it out without upsetting the staff too much

Davsmum · 27/03/2013 16:16

No point in everyone getting upset. ;)

manchestermummy · 27/03/2013 16:19

choceyes hmmm I wonder.... North Manchester, near a v v v big park...

Pandemoniaa · 27/03/2013 16:23

It it too PFB for me to suggest that she remove the tea towel from display at the entrance as my DD would point to her handprint everytime she passes through (she would def do this) and risk making DS feel left out??

Yes. Please don't suggest this. You will come across as a complete loon and undermine the valid points you are making about inclusion.

crashdoll · 27/03/2013 16:26

I wouldn't send a letter, however you word it; you'll sound petty. YANBU for feeling upset but YABU to take action. These things happen.

RafflesWay · 27/03/2013 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NigellaTufnel · 27/03/2013 19:37

Yandu to be a bit sad, but YABU to have a serious conversation about this.
I wish it wasn't the case but the manager will think you are a bit of a loon.

It's a tea towel. That's all.

Sit down with your DD thus weekend and help her make a really special picture. Get it mounted, framed, whatever. Hang it on the wall and you will have a really special momento of her Easter when she was 3.

UniS · 27/03/2013 19:46

I think you are over thinking it.
Its a tea towel. Don't buy it if you don't want to. But remember its only a tea towel. something that will get used to dry up saucepans or wipe up spills.

I have the pre school group tea towel from 3 years ago. We use it, and seldom bother to "look" at the names on it. I can honestly say that most of the children ON I can't remember, and I've no idea who is missing. DS ( now 7) is friends with the children in his class at school and doesn't pine after those who went to other schools.

Sokmonsta · 28/03/2013 08:00

Your nursery manager probably won't be overly bothered as your dd's work is on it so they will likely still get a sale from you.

However, explain your disappointment so it perhaps doesn't happen in the future. Given that these things have a right deadline, I fail to understand why the nursery didn't just get work prepped before the pack was sent to them. Although I am presuming the children don't draw directly onto the tea towel (haven't done these with the dc myself so genuinely don't know).

DeWe · 28/03/2013 09:33

I think URNU to be upset.
But you are UR to make a fuss.

The fact your ds has been at the nursery a long time is irrelevant to the issue. It's not like they made a decision that they couldn't fit them all on and had to make a decision who was missed off.

I know the first year the school mine were at did this, they had 2 days to get it drawn and positioned. Positioning takes ages-and you always get the one parent who complains that pfb is in the wrong place-which depends on the parent as whether they're upset because they're at the edge (apparently that makes them look left out) or upset because they're in the middle (so harder to seen).

And personally I wouldn't have told that age they weren't on it, either distracted them, or fudged an answer, which is usually possible.

greenfolder · 28/03/2013 09:40

sorry, but i do think you are being unreasonable.

ds asks where he is on the tea towel? sorry ds, you were off poorly that day. ds thinks no more about it. buy one for your daughter but really neither of them will care. i had one of these when my dc were young. i felt the whole thing was a bit of a con to be honest.

what are you going to do when your dc are off sick and they miss a class photo?

hippoCritt · 28/03/2013 09:48

Can I just point out you have identified the nursery and the area?

DorisIsWaiting · 28/03/2013 09:55

YANBU

I organised one of these as a school fundraiser - despite relying on teachers (7 class school) I still ended up going through the registers to ensure that every child was represented. It is more than a teatowel it's a memento from that stage in his life (and at 4.5 it does matter!).

Really poor management of the situation by nursery.

MrsMeeple · 28/03/2013 10:18

It's not that they did the activity on a day when one child wasn't there, it's that they've printed a souvenir showing "all" the children that's missing just a few! How hard can it be to make sure all their names are on it? Even if they don't all get a hand print or drawing. I'd be v annoyed, and be asking them to make something new that included all the chldren.

Original poster
choceyes · 28/03/2013 10:59

it's not just a tea towel, I won't be wiping dishes with it!!!

Anyway thanks for your responses.

I didn't send the e-mail. I just had a brief chat with the manager saying I was a bit upset and that in the future she should make arrangements to make sure all the children were included and that it was a very good idea in principle. All very friendly and non confrontational. She is a nice person and normally a very good manager, so I didn't make an issue out of it. She was understanding and apologetic. She's planning to make more of the same kind of thing before DS starts school in Sept.
She said all the children had to do the drawings and handprint on special paper, so it wasn't possible to use something Ds had done before.
so all's well that ends well Smile

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