Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little bit upset that DS hasn't been included in the nursery souvenir?

67 replies

choceyes · 27/03/2013 09:15

DS's nursery has made a tea towel type thing with a little picture or hand print done by each child. Parents can buy it as a souvenir.

When I looked yesterday, DS wasn't on it, and when I mentioned this to the nursery manager who was passing by, she said it was done on a day that DS was off sick. DS was off sick due to a tummy bug for two consecutive days in Feb, and before that hasn't been ill for over a year. Manager said that she was in a rush to do the tea towel as there was a deadline.
DD who goes to the same nursery does have her handprint on it.
When I looked closely last night (nursery sent a pic of it by e-mail), a couple of other kids who I know hadn't been included either, they both attend different days to when the tea towel was done.

AIBU a bit upset that DS (who has been at this nursery for the longest, 3.5yrs) hasn't been included, and that AIBU to think that the nursery manager should have got all the kids on it before she made the tea towel, even if it meant making it a few weeks later? What good is a nurseyr souvenir when not all the kids are on it?!
I feel a bit bad for DS, because he has been the tea towel as it's pinned up near the entrance, and he was looking for his name Sad. I'm not sure he cares, but I feel a bit sad.

AIBU? Prepared to be told I am, maybe I am overthinking this massively.

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 12:59

Thanks MiniEggs I appreciate your POV. It is entirely possible that IABU. It's not something I've had to deal with before.

OP posts:
MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 27/03/2013 13:02

I just think that,in the grand scheme of things, there are far more things to get het up about with regards to parenting, choceyes. I really do try to pick my battles these days at school/nursery and let lots of things like this go, because really in a months' time this tea towel will be long forgotten and will be relegated to the back of a cupboard or drawer to gather dust :)

Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 13:03

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius - The manager has told me that they plan to do more of this type of stuff in the near future and DS would definitely be involved in them before he goes to school in Sept. So maybe there would another change, but I just feel a bit aggrieved that this is on sale anyway without all the children on it. If they are doing more things like this, then maybe I shouldn't kick up such a fuss? But yes I think it should be pointed out to them, so that they can improve their organisation for next time.

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 13:04

another chance I mean.

OP posts:
fairylightsinthesnow · 27/03/2013 13:09

YANBU. I get a bit Hmm when DS misses out on things because they happen on a day he isn't there but I understand the practicalities mean he will miss stuff sometimes, but something like this simply should be managed better. There are high street places that will print you teatowels, there is no need for a big rush and if they really couldn;t get something your son had actually done, a random handprint or stick man with his name on would have done surely?

RafflesWay · 27/03/2013 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 13:26

RafflesWay - Thank you. You remind me of what my mum said that she spoke up and stood up for me every time an injustice was done and that I should do the same for DS.
I do let a lot of things go and I'm not one to get worked up about everything and I'm the least sentimental person I know.

OP posts:
Jenny70 · 27/03/2013 13:54

Only suggestion is what you want them to do about it? Your letter explains the problem, but not necessarily what you want done. ?an undertaking that all children will be included in similar projects, notification of fundraising activities with reasonable notice would both seem reasonable to me.

It wasn't any deadline by the printer that caused this, it was lack of organisation by the staff.

Davsmum · 27/03/2013 14:05

Yes,.. I agree with Minieggs.

I would be disappointed but I wouldn't let if affect me or my child that much. It wasn't done to deliberately upset anyone.
Its not always bad that children suffer some upset or disappointment - so long as they have not been deliberately picked on!
Its life. Just shrug and move on.

sparkle12mar08 · 27/03/2013 14:07

I'm with MiniEggs - you're completely over reacting. Devestated? Really? It's over priced sentimental tat that parents are emotionally blackmailed into buying. Don't make it bigger than it is.

Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 14:13

Jenny70
I have included this bit now:
Can I also suggest that you give reasonable notice in the future about anymore souvenirs you may do and also explain how you will go about getting contributions from all the children bearing in mind illnesses and part time attenders.

It it too PFB for me to suggest that she remove the tea towel from display at the entrance as my DD would point to her handprint everytime she passes through (she would def do this) and risk making DS feel left out??

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 14:14

I never said anywhere that I was devastated.

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 14:16

It's not overpriced. It's £5. Pretty cheap for what it is.

OP posts:
Davsmum · 27/03/2013 14:24

Crikey! These people are busy - They are looking after children. They cannot cover all eventualities and they cannot guarantee everyone will be present. They cannot keep changing dates to suit parents.
It was organised for a particular day and you missed it. They SHOULD of course advise when an event WILL take place but they are not there to change everything to suit you.

Its only a trauma for the child if adults turn it into one!
If your child is absent on a day like this - its a shame - but its NOT the nursery's fault!
Its also not their fault that you get extremely upset by something someone else may not even bat an eyelid about.

Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 14:29

The manager is not actively looking after children. It is her job to make sure these things happen properly. That's why there is a manager.
How difficult is it to gather contributions from all the children? So it might take a week or more, so what? Just print out the thing a bit later?

OP posts:
zeno · 27/03/2013 14:32

yabu choc. Don't sweat the small stuff.

You'll be in for a hard time during the primary-school years if you continue to be so emotionally vulnerable about things like this. Really, it's just a bit of fundraising tat.

RafflesWay · 27/03/2013 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DisAstrophe · 27/03/2013 14:44

I can see why you might be a bit sad about this and want to mention it to the staff but I think YABU to take it further and write a letter about it.

I think in this case it is a slightly thoughtless oversight but not an injustice.
They've explained it wasn't done with any intention to exclude. It's done now and it is only a tea towel

IloveJudgeJudy · 27/03/2013 14:45

YANBU. I have loads of these teatowels, from my own DC and from various family members. When I use them, I always look for the DC's name and picture. I also have one from the school that I work in. I only work part-time and they took the time and trouble to do a stick person and put my name underneath! I was so touched.

The nursery could have done this for all the DC who weren't there on those particular days. I also get that you would want the teatowel taken down, but they want to sell them, don't they, to get a bit of profit?

I would also ask if you can get one done with his name on it. You can but ask.

ProphetOfDoom · 27/03/2013 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Davsmum · 27/03/2013 15:11

Rafflesway,
Of course one has to use common sense and show caring, but it really is not someone else's responsibility as to how upset someone is.

With the best will in the world you will always get someone who is determined to be upset whatever you do or don't do.

There is nothing they can do to change what has happened other than to apologise and to reassure they will give notice in future. However, they shoul dnot have to chop and change arrangements to suit absentees.
In these circumstances, you have a choice - wallow in the perceived injustice or move on.

Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 15:14

SchmaltzingMatilda - yes I do get that I probably have years of these things to come, but in the 3.5yrs that DS has been at this nursery, this is the ONLY souvenir that has been made. Although it has been said more like this would be done soon, hopefully before he leaves the nursery this summer, it's no guarantee. It would just be nice to have had one souvenir to look back on what was a very important stage in his life, having been there since he was 10 months old. Also the fact that both him and his sister where in there together....I thought they would look back at that kind of thing fondly.

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 15:15

Yes ofcourse it's not an injustice. It was a genuine mistake, a thoughtlessness.

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 27/03/2013 15:18

I've decided against sending the e-mail. I'm going to have a face to face chat with manager before I collect the DCs, so it's brought up in a more informal way. A focus on how she aims to avoid this kind of oversight in the future.

OP posts:
JollyYellowGiant · 27/03/2013 15:23

I'm a bit surprised that they would do this. DS only attends nursery one day a week and I would have been unhappy had he not been included on their souvenir. The nursery should have made it so that every child had the chance to be included.

Swipe left for the next trending thread