Am I being unreasonable to want to get paid to be a surrogate?

[Geanie]

I have already been a surrogate once, I didn't get paid a penny, not even for any expenses. The parents of the baby didn't pay anything towards the pregnancy, which I was fine with at the time as I had a good job and I didn't feel that I needed any reimbursements.

I have been contacted by quite a few people asking if I am planning on doing another surrogacy soon as they are looking for a surrogate.
I do straight surrogacy and there aren't that many of us in the UK so there are always a lot of people out there looking for a straight surrogate.

I definitely want to be a surrogate again, however, since my last surrogacy I was made redundant and am now self employed doing whatever I can to earn and get by, and to be honest I am really struggling.

I use quite a few surrogacy forums online and have noticed quite a lot of UK surrogates are now asking for a specific amount of 'payment' for their part as a surrogate.

I know that it is not allowed to be paid for surrogacy in the uk, but a surrogate is allowed to be paid 'Reasonable expenses' and they are pretty easy going when it comes to what those reasonable expenses are for as long as it is under a certain amount, usually around £15,000.

When we went through all the legal stuff after my last surrogacy I was told that they don't usually even question or check up on anything under £10k, as that is considered the standard amount.

I have thought about it quite a lot and I don't see why I shouldn't be able to benefit from this, I mean realistically I am going to be giving the parents a child, and pregnancy is hard. I don't see why, as long as I am upfront about it, I cant ask for a certain amount towards my 'expenses' during the surrogacy.

I'm not looking to make a profit or buy fancy gadgets or go on holiday. I would just use the money to help pay my rent and bills during the pregnancy.

So would I be unreasonable to do this?

(I have NC for this BTW. Pom bears, the MN scarf, bum sex at centre parks on a friday, and so on.)

Op I think the fact that so many adopted children do eventually seek out their biological parents supports the fact that as human (no matter how much we love our adoptive parents) we do generally care about our biological parentage or at the very least we are curious. The fact that you feel no massive attachment to your biological material does not mean that the resulting child would not feel something for you. If money enters into the arrangement as well it could make it even harder for any potential child to come to terms with the circumstances of their birth, no matter how wanted they were by their adoptive parents.

Purely as a matter of interest (not stirring),do surrogates receive maternity benefit or does the adoptive (?) mother?

I think that surrogates should be paid, I don't think it is the same as "selling your baby". I would buy into that if it was simply a paid adoption, not a planned pregnancy and agreement from the outset.

Do people really believe that a woman should put her health and life at risk and give someone such an opportunity that they wouldn't otherwise have, go through the agony of labour and birth and all the possible problems afterwords for nothing? To work 6 jobs to be able to do it?!

Should IVF clinics also be non-profit and only charge actual costs then? After all, it's not right to charge for 'the gift of life'.

If it's your egg, that is your child. I can understand someone placing a child for adoption, but not purposely breeding a child for the purpose. What you are describing is breeding and selling your own children and that is fucked up.

Yup. My judgy pants are comfy and I'm happy up here on my high horse. YABU.

YANBU, I think 10-15k is reasonable. However I may be a bit biased as I'm currently pregnant with a cough/cold from hell and pulled stomach muscles from coughing/puking. I'm thinking I wish I could dose myself up on cough medicine, ibuprofen and sudafed and I'm reading this thread thinking I could never do this for someone else no matter what they were paying.

I actually would be more uneasy with someone simply placing a child for adoption than someone being a surrogate.

Someone who didn't plan it and just puts their child up for adoption wouldn't really be thinking that they are carrying it for someone else and doing it for a purpose. Most of the time having no idea who the adoptive parents will be.

A surrogate can make their own choices regarding parents from the outset and will be handing the child over to their biological Father, it's not just selling a child. They will also know the entire time and before they begin that it is not their child and not for them to decide to keep or not.

I think the latter would also be much easier to explain to a child (or adult) than just that they were put up for adoption.

Neither are really ideal situations, and I know that adopted children can suffer issues related to having been "given away."

But that's making the best of a bad situation. It's different than deliberately creating a child for profit. That's wrong.

For someone to deliberately become pregnant (not just host an embryo) in order to make money is fucked up.

geanie how can you say:
"it is never my baby"
You'd be his/her biological mother and the one carrying him/her and giving birth. The fact that you would then give him/her away to another set of parents doesn't mean that you're not the mother.
I'm sorry but I think there is a reason why it is against the law in the UK to receive payment for surrogacy. I also agree that even more so in cases of straight surrogacy it is even more important that only expenses are reimbursed. It all becomes a bit immoral iMO when you start talking about thousands of pounds.
Out of curiosity, why don't you let people use their own embryos? Why use your own eggs?

I feel sorry for OP tbh. She thinks she is helping people. The need to please strangers ranks above any need to care for life she creates. Women like OP are easily taken advantage of and bought like cattle.

Do you know what I think is fucked up?

We live in a country where it is legal to sell your body to any amount of men to have sex with or do whatever they like with but not recieve payment for carrying a child for someone and going through pregnancy and birth, those people are just expected to do it for the fun of it.

Selling yourself is one thing. Selling someone else is another.....

OP I think what you are planning on asking is more than reasonable given that you will lose work through carrying the baby. I do think surrogates should be paid. So should egg donors. Again, not ridiculous life changing amounts as can happen in the US, but reasonable compensation.

And to those saying its selling a child or rent a womb, would you say the same to a sperm donor? Or state your judgey opinion to the child born from donation/surrogacy? Have some compassion.

But as has been said on this thread even surrogacy using host embryos still doesn't allow any type of payment.

I think there should at least be some sort of payment for the pregnancy and birth part.

SchroSawMargeryDaw,perhaps it's exactly because it results in a birth that it is so tightly regulated.The birth of a totally innocent baby,who has no say in it whatsoever.

Consenting adults making deals/arrangments/transactions...so what,really?
A child...effectively being sold...at embyro stage?...that is definitely different.

Yanbu op, I donated eggs last year and got £750 for that, it was to cover my expenses and the fact I had to go through medical procedures etc.when I signed up to donate my eggs there was no payment but the gov put through new legislation that covered egg donation and set down an amount that they deemed reasonable.

I would have done it anyway but it did help pay train fares, trasnsport to as from hospital app, childcare etc.

You are right about it not being your baby, yes biologically it will be but it will be raised by its mother and that won't be you. It will be her baby.

Good luck op you are doing an amazing thing xxx

Loss of earnings comes under expenses. Bills and rent doesn't IMO.

Expat that's not strictly true. The contract in the case you are talking about was legally binding but as there was no definition of what 'serious disability' is as grounds for abortion in the contact, the surrogate was not in breach of the contract.

'I definitely want to be a surrogate again, however, since my last surrogacy I was made redundant and am now self employed doing whatever I can to earn and get by, and to be honest I am really struggling.'

'not looking to make a profit or buy fancy gadgets or go on holiday. I would just use the money to help pay my rent and bills during the pregnancy.'

OP,don't fool yourself.It isn't for alturistic reasons you are considering this second surrogacy.You are selling a baby.A baby that is biologically yours.

At least in that case it would probably all be done through solicitors.

I don't see it as selling the child, I see it as the carrier selling their own body, time and health.

The need to please strangers ranks above any need to care for life she creates. Women like OP are easily taken advantage of and bought like cattle.

How DARE you say that about the OP????!!!!

OP - you are doing a marvellous thing. I couldn't ever go through a pregnancy on someone else's behalf, no matter how much they paid me. I barely wanted to go through it a second time for myself, after my first pregnancy.

I think £10,000 - £15,000 is more than ok to ask for. For more than 9 months you can't drink, you need to eat well, you are limited in your activities, you have to go to appointments constantly, and you have to go through birth.

In my eyes - anyone willing to be a surrogate is absolutely awesome.

Expat that's not strictly true. The contract in the case you are talking about was legally binding but as there was no definition of what 'serious disability' is as grounds for abortion in the contact, the surrogate was not in breach of the contract.

*If it's your egg, that is your child. I can understand someone placing a child for adoption, but not purposely breeding a child for the purpose. What you are describing is breeding and selling your own children and that is fucked up.

Yup. My judgy pants are comfy and I'm happy up here on my high horse. YABU.*

Ugh. This made me shudder. I bet sperm donors don't have to deal with this highly insensitive and "Yup" emotive bullshit.

OP, I think seeing as though you did it "free" last time when apparently any other surrogates have expenses you are more than entitled to make sure this doesn't take it out of you financially this time. More than entitled. Good luck.

There seems to be 2 camps of thought here ,and we won't all agree.Some people see it as selling a baby,some people don't.

I think it's a fair assumption that the resulting child,as an adult,has a 50 per cent chance of falling into one of those camps.

I really,really hope they don't grow up feeling they were 'bought and sold'.

'The contract in the case you are talking about was legally binding but as there was no definition of what 'serious disability' is as grounds for abortion in the contact, the surrogate was not in breach of the contract. '

Exactly, there's a lot of wiggle room, and in the US, I don't think there is a state around who would force a woman to have an abortion. You can hardly get one if you want it in many states.