Quite sure I just pissed off MIL. On a scale of 1-10, how U was what I said...?

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

It was an accident and kind of came out wrong, but she pulled catsbumface and left (she was picking up DS2)

She has a small car and I was saying DS1 was off nursery next week so she could have both of them if she wanted. She said she couldnt fit the three seats in the back and I said that Dcousin (he is 3) could sit in the middle without a carseat. She said he needs his booster, and I said "well he should be in a carseat, he'd be just as safe in the middle with just the lapbelt as he is on the booster" (he only has the lap belt with the booster, is too small for the diagonal one) I know I was BU and its none of my business, either his mum has decided he doesnt need a carseat and theres nothing MiL can do, or she has decided it and I've directly complained about her choice.

I feel bad now, even though I think what I said was technically right, I was just trying to explain that she could have all three of them if she wanted. She is the one who's been saying how nice it would be to take all three out for the day. :(

Glad in not your sil/bil, wouldn't be happy you suggesting that. At your apologising

A lap belt would be very unsuitable even with a booster and even in the middle. My 2 and 4 year old are still in a 5 point harness. He should at least be in a 3 point car seat.

Yabu. Pretty unreasonable at that. A lapbelt is dangerous with a booster and even more dangerous without one. Your mil/sil need to go o Halfords or similar and get some proper advice if they truly thnk the cousin needs a lapbelt as he is too small for cross day belt.

I would give 10 out of 10 for unreasonableness.

I think some of the people going on about lap belts being unsafe may have missed the fact that he is already only in a lap belt, albeit normally with a booster. I admit I'm struggling to see much difference in danger between the two positions, though I wouldn't be happy with either.

O you think MIL thought you U for suggesting he travel without booster or for saying he actually needs a car seat, or both?

I thought the OP was suggesting that her nephew, who usually uses a booster seat and a three point harness should move into the middle with a lap belt?

Apologise and offer to buy a group 2 proper seat for your mums car, which DN can use now and will be useful for your dc1 when the time comes. It can go in the front of the car. Even if the booster they usually use oesnt LP safety, YWBVU to suggest its even vaguely appropriate for a 3 year old to it with a lap belt.

I think the cousin usually just has the booster with the lap belt Seeker, unless I've maybe read it wrong.

Just grovel. And then grovel some more. And a little more on top of that would be a good idea.

But we all say stupid, thoughtless things sometimes - so when you've grovelled a few times forget about it.

10/10
totally unreasonable

Could one not go on the front seat (pushed back , with airbag off if poss)

I thought booster seats were to ensure proper diagonal seat belts went across the right part of the child(shoulder) rather than across their face/neck which is what happens if they're too small??

I can't see that a booster would make any difference to how a lap belt fitted?

Anyway, YWBU.

could you drop your dc to her. Presumably her having them both is to your benefit ?

Seeker, the original post says they don't use the 3 point seatbelt, just the lap belt (with booster) because they think he's too small for the 3 point.

So SIL and MIL AB pretty U themselves, really

For sounding as though you didn't care about DN - 9.
For worrying that he isn't using an appropriate seat now - 0.

What to do depends on your relationship with Mil and DN's parents.

I would go for phoning Mil and apologising that what you said sounded as though you didn't care less about DN's safety.

Then say that you're worried about DN travelling without a suitable car seat. I liked the suggestion of offering to buy one. Or speak to Sil and Bil about it. Yes, you're criticising someone else's parenting choices, but you could prevent the serious injury, or death, of your DN. Perhaps you could phrase it in terms of "I'd never realised, but I heard this / read this..."

(Depending on the way the conversations go, could be useful to point out that it is Mil who is breaking the law if she carries a child in an unsuitable seat.)

I also agree with one child in the front, so all have proper seat belts. Obviously be wary of any airbag.

Lizs - it's really dangerous to put a child in the front seat if the airbag is on - if it can't be turned off, no way should any of the dc be put in front.

op - i'm calling this a 6. humble apologies, your rear facing ds in the front, invite for lunch so she can see ds1 and still take the other two if she's not up for fitting them all in the car, and hope she's the forgiving sort.

From what I've read, i understand the following:

• normally he would be in his booster but only using a lap belt because the diagonal part of the belt is too high for him (therefore clearly he should actually be at a minimum in a high backed booster with seat belt adjuster)
• you (reasonably IMO) said that in this situation, the booster is irrelevant so could be in the middle with the lap belt as per normal just not on the booster. The booster is there to position them better for the diagonal seat belt. If only a lap belt is being used (wrong wrong wrong), then the booster is pointless.

However ... it probably just came out wrong and there are lots of misunderstandings about car seats. For example: just because it cost £5 is irrelevant too. It is all about sitting on something stable that will allow the seat belt to be positioned correctly. The booster seat itself doesn't protect them.

So really it is the mum who is in the wrong for using only the lap belt with him. MIL is also in the wrong ... I wouldn't transport a child without adequate security regardless of what hte mum thinks is OK ... she can very easily go out and buy a cheap high back car seat. And yes, put one of them in the front with the air bag turned off.

Far from ideal safety-wise I agree, but I'm not sure it is anymore dangerous than a child with just a lapbelt, and is at least legal .

you sound thoroughly self-absorbed .. would not like you as an aunt to my DC, that's for sure

Is that worse than sounding nasty, redandblack?

The idea of a group 2 seat would be great, but DS1 is in a 123 type and he also has a spare that is kept in my mums car, so I already have 2 group 2s. Plus I'm not sure that would come across much better. I get on okay with DNs mum, but her and BIL are not together so helpful advice from his family is not appreciated.

wishingchair has probably explained best what I meant and my logic behind it :) though when I said it only cost £5 that was just so you knew what I meant, its not an all singing all dancing adjustable fancy thing with mp3 connectivity

I don't think she's a grudge-bearer luckily, we usually get on brilliantly, I'm not a MIL hater at all
I just seem to have a bit of a habit recently of engaging mouth before brain!

Could you borrow DS1s seat off your mum for next week? And come up,with some reason why it'd be better than the booster for the day? Like, if cousin wants to snooze?

V dangerous with just lap belt for 3 year old. Diagonal with booster ok if he 14kg - if he too short then can get self belt router think to keep it on shoulder. But up to his parents whether they happy with that. I would not let dd age 9 travel with just lap belt although wouldn't mind no booster and diagonal.

So, have you talked to your MiL?

If your relationship with her is anything like mine with my MiL, you could have a good natter over a cup of tea about how to get DN's mum to see sense over her car seat choices...