Quite sure I just pissed off MIL. On a scale of 1-10, how U was what I said...?

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

It was an accident and kind of came out wrong, but she pulled catsbumface and left (she was picking up DS2)

She has a small car and I was saying DS1 was off nursery next week so she could have both of them if she wanted. She said she couldnt fit the three seats in the back and I said that Dcousin (he is 3) could sit in the middle without a carseat. She said he needs his booster, and I said "well he should be in a carseat, he'd be just as safe in the middle with just the lapbelt as he is on the booster" (he only has the lap belt with the booster, is too small for the diagonal one) I know I was BU and its none of my business, either his mum has decided he doesnt need a carseat and theres nothing MiL can do, or she has decided it and I've directly complained about her choice.

I feel bad now, even though I think what I said was technically right, I was just trying to explain that she could have all three of them if she wanted. She is the one who's been saying how nice it would be to take all three out for the day. :(

Well if he's at risk anyway, why even bother with a seat belt at all!?

If I were your mil I would be x10000000000 and be telling you to look after your own DC.

But also "I said she could have both of them if she wanted" sounds a bit odd as well.......

Oh, and a proper car seat in the front is the safest way to resolve the situation.

Yes it is legal, but not safe

To explain a little, not arguing I'm not U, I know I was and wanted a hole to open up in the ground as it came out of my mouth! I was under the impression that the cheap type of booster seats were possibly being banned (even for the right age), as they offer no extra protection at all? And if that was the case, he wouldnt be any safer on it than in the middle without it? But if thats wrong, then obviously I'm even more U than I thought

Re the childcare though, MiL in the one insisting she wants all of them, I was genuinely trying to help. She was really upset when DS1 started nursery and she couldnt take him out once a week (she lives quite a drive away and can only get down once a week)

afaik you shiuldnt use boosters with lapbelts, apart from that i am a bit confused. did yiu mean 'his parents already dont care as he is just in a booster at the best of times' as that does sound a bit

oh tute totally agree re not being safe, but still that it's allowable.

He already is at risk, he is a three year old on a £5 booster!

So yeah, just add to it and let him go flying through the window?????

She can't fit another car seat in the car therefore she cannot take all 3 kids out together.....the end!!! That is how the convo should have gone.

Your post does come across as suggesting that since your dn doesn't sit in the correct seat for his age then it doesn't really matter if he travels without any sort of restraint at all other than the notoriously dangerous lap belt that middle seats have. If that's the case then yes, YABU. Exceedingly so! It's not for you to ask your MIL to jeopardise your dn's safety for your convenience.

If that's not what you mean then I apologise.

www.childcarseats.org.uk/law/fromseptember06faq.htm#lap

Thumb, yes he normally uses the booster seat, with a cushion behind his back, stopped using is g1 carseat before xmas-ish.
My thought was that (based on my apparently wrong thought that boosters offer nothing to a three year old), highback carseats either side with him with no booster in the middle. But again, I'm sure I've read here before that boosters offer no protection, which factored a lot in what I said.

I think you sounded like Dcousin didn't matter - a bit "as long as mine are ok then Dcousin doesn't matter"

I probably would have done a face too.

And lap belts are really dangerous for kids regardless of whether or not their in a booster. I didn't think you were supposed to use only a booster with a lap belt?

A lot of group1 seats can be put in using the lap belt, could you check of any of yours can and maybe put one of yours in the middle?

Or one of yours in the front? I thing that's allowed, instead of 3 seats in the back?

Apologise, and then suggest she puts one of the proper car seats in the front of her car with the airbag turned off if she cannot fit all 3 in the back?

OK - I think I've got it and where you were coming from - but sorry, YWBU, yes, to suggest that he sits without any form of carseat, as it was an implicit criticism to whoever decided that the booster seat was an acceptably safe form of carriage for the cousin.

Not rude enough to warrant her flouncing out the house though, I wouldn't have thought, that's a bit odd. But then judging by some of the responses on here, she probably thought that you were saying your 2 were more important than their cousin in terms of being kept safe. :(

10 I'm afraid, it's up to the driver.

^ What thumbwitch said

I'd rate you a 6 for unreasonableness. It would be higher, but I like the idea of 'rate my aibu'so I'm knocking off a bit for that. :)

Fliss, that is the "long term" plan, she just hasnt done it yet.

Thanks for the responses, now I'm off to think of my apology :(

I might be being a bit stupid here but why doesn't one of them sit in the front? I know in an ideal world all dc should sit in the back but I would have though a child would be safer on the front seat in a properly fitted car seat than in the back with a lap belt on. I can't fit three car seats across the back of my car and if I have to transport an extra one I always stick one in the front.

So because his mum usually let's him travel unsafely, it's fine to increase the risk because it suits you?

Sorry, x post about the airbag and long term plan thing.

What FlissPaps said. If your DS2 is still rear-facing, him in his seat in the front would be best IIRC. Or maybe she could take them somewhere on public transport to avoid the whole carseat nightmare?
I do have some sympathy. My DSs grandparents have a granddaughter who's a year older than my DS1 (he's 4) and she's been on a cheapy booster since younger than he is now, in parents' and grandparents' car. They are forever telling me we don't need to bother moving DS1's carseat, he can just use his cousin's booster, and it's a minefield trying to politely insist that he does use his carseat without hurting feelings or implying that anyone is being negligent.

A child of three is NOT safe with just a lap belt - booster or no booster.

If I was the mum of your dn I would be furious to hear you suggesting that he would be just as safe in the middle with a lap belt as in his booster. Lap belts are not safe for children of that age/size.
Putting your mil in the position of asking her to do this is totally unacceptable.

If you were suggesting your child went without a car seat it would be perfectly reasonable for mil to say she wasn't happy with that. Suggesting your dn goes without his car seat is really UR.

"DS1 was off nursery next week so she could have both of them if she wanted"

Entitled much?

Blimey, yeah you've well and truly put your size 5's in your mouth there!

Is she the sort of person who will respond to grovelling? If so maybe an unexpected "best grandma" picture by your DC's may help. Or an invite to a crushingly awkward family lunch?

If she's more the grudge bearing type you may have some fun times ahead.

Either way I think you're going to have to do some major apologising. Just tell her you genuinely didn't realise it would be dangerous and you didn't mean it to come out the way it did. Then listen without correcting to all the car safety advice she gives you regardless of how right she is.

As regards your DN that's a more difficult one. I suppose it depends on what sort of relationship you have with his parents. Giving anyone advice around their child's safety without putting their backs up is very difficult. It's almost impossible to not sound like you're criticising and we all know how well we respond to that!

They may well be unaware of the safety issues or they may have considered all the information out there and have made their choice. It may not be the one you'd make but unfortunately it's not your call.

9/10 Send a text and apologise for coming across wrong.