to think there's a point at which contributing to the bills proportional to your income gets silly?

[Gabaccia]

Not sure if my thread title makes sense, but - DH and I have always split the mortgage and bills according to how much we earned, so that we'd have roughly equal money left over for leisure stuff. This started off at 50/50, then changed to 60/40 as he had a few pay rises, and now after another pay rise he's earning twice as much as me. He's suggested we adjust the bills again to reflect this, but...as I have plenty of money to do what I want, I can go out, buy more or less whatever I want (within reason - I'm talking going for drinks and dinner and shopping in the high street, not flying to Paris for the weekend and buying designer bags), doesn't it seem silly for me to contribute less towards our bills, just because he earns a lot? It's not like he has a different lifestyle to me, he probably spends less on himself than I do so I'd feel a bit weird about contributing, say, less than 30% towards our cost of living because he happens to have a useful job a job that society values more highly than mine?

We don't have DCs yet and obviously it would be different if we did, as we'd be saving for them and one or both of us would probably be working fewer hours than we do now.

Capitalist marriage: split bills 50:50
Socialist: split in proportion like OP
Communist: Completely equalise spending.

(Most here seem to advocate communism.)

All three can be valid, all have problems in specific circumstances.

Communism is obviously the most damaging to incentives. Whether that's a problem depends on the character of the individuals. What if your partner decides you earn enough for both and unilaterally decides to quit their job? Or, more likely, at a younger age, just doesn't feel very motivated to pursue studies/career, because they know you will carry them?

Capitalism and Socialism obviously don't directly work if one of you has no income, for a valid reason, such as agreed SAHP.

chris that's an interesting way of looking at it! I may be a bit dense though - what's the practical difference between the socialist and communist way of doing it, if one of you earns barely anything (eg minimum wage p/t job) and the other is earning millions?

Don't get it. All money in is family money. Balls to urs & mine. Are u a family or not? One pot, all bills out & all fun! :)

And if the minimum wage p/t job is literally all the person can get and/or is exactly what the person wants to be doing for a job.

Weird . My husband and I both put our paychecks into our joint account. I then pay all the bills from it and transfer some over to savings. We also discuss money, and both of us have full access to both accounts.
When my husband was unemployed I supported us and his children. Now that he is working again he makes 3 times what I do.
We are a family and share everything.

Wishi well we're more of a couple than a family atm, but I get your point. But tbh I feel more like an individual who has chosen to share my life with my DH than anything. I've always felt weird about couply-ness and 'we' everything, was worried marriage could feel 'trapping' and have kept my own name - it's just my mentality, I don't think anyone else is odd for thinking differently. I'm probably the odd one.

I think it's fine if you have 'simple' financial set ups where you both earn one salary each. DP has a complicated financial set up as he is self-employed and has pots of money all over the place so we can't just pool it. Therefore, we both pay into a joint account and everything joint, including the children's expenses, come out of that. At the moment, he is paying proportionally more than me as i have been on mat leave (but am still earning money through some investments). So he pays 50% more than I do.

Am happy with the status quo and personally, would not want to pool my money with his as I like having some independence. We got together in our 30s so I'd already been working for over 12 years and owned a house and we were both financially established in our own right. A lot of my friends who got together after uni and built up their careers/accumulated wealth together have the joint communist pots and it works fine for them.

Arf at 'joint communist pots' loveis

I think that money, and how a couple decides to manage it, is such a personal thing. I'm not saying that it shouldn't be discussed but as long as you (and I mean you as a couple here) are happy with your way of doing things, that's fine.

When I met DH he had a monthly income of £6000 and mine was just under £2000 - it would've been madness to split equally as I moved into his homes and couldn't have paid close to half of all the bills. We decided to put 40% of each of our salaries into the joint account and then have the leftovers to ourselves. He invests in shares, ISAs etc with his, mine gave me enough to go out with friends, buy him gifts, clothes for myself etc. and save a tiny bit.

When I gave up work to have children, it didn't feel odd - the joint account is still there for household bills, supermarket shops, children's clothes and he puts an allowance into my account each month. I realise that some women might not like the idea of an allowance but we are both happy with the arrangement - I am a SAHM so I guess it could be deemed my 'salary' for childcare, housework whatever.

I like having my own account that he doesn't see (for his 40th I saved £150 a month for three years so that I could spoil him) and the amount he gives me is an amount that I know is available. It's very strange if you give up earning and, for me, the fact that I have an amount that I budget with and don't have to ask for (it's a standing order) makes me feel like I have some independence.

I have no issue at all with couples that have it all in one pot, it's just not what we wanted to do.

It is also strange when your earnings are very different but as I said, as long as you both find something that you are both happy with, that's what matters.

Love the analogy to capitalism, socialism and communism. We are somewhere between capitalism and socialism. Neither of us have the stomach for all out communism. (I don't want to know how much he spends in the pub he doesn't need to know about haircuts).

A lot of people on here really dno't like keeping private money separate, but then most couples I know started with their own accounts, moved in together before getting married and set up joint accounts for bills which they both paid a set amount into then kept the rest. If you go back to work post DCs, most couples still find this set up works fine. For most who are used to that who then mvoe to 'the one bank account you both pay all income into' model usually have an arguement or ill feeling at some point over the first 6 months about what the other one is spending even if it's in budget.

We've just had a chat about what we'll do when I'm at the end of mat leave when I get nothing. So far, the plan has been for DH to up his contribution to the joint account to cover what I won't be putting in, but then when I ahve nothing for the last 4 months, rather than upping it again and me 'living' from the joint account, he's going to put a third of the remainder of his salary into my account - keeping a third for himself and a third for savings. (I see no reason for DH to know I spend £125 per go on having my hair cut when it's fine within my 'me money' budget - it would only upset him, it's not the actual amount I spend in total each month that would bother him but how I spend it, whereas I think our marriage is much more successful with me being oblivious to how much his bike habit costs so long as each month the bills are paid and a set amount goes into the joint savings).

I would suggest you do is you keep your money going in the same to the joint account and your DH ups his contribution, then you either start overpaying on your mortgage to that amount or you have a savings account linked to the joint that difference between now what's going in and what's going out can be saved each month.

If you obviously have different spending habits (you said he spends a lot less on himself each month than you do) - keeping your 'me' money separate does seem to be the best for a harmonious marriage, and keeping the joint account to be something that only pays for agreed bills and items (like DC clothes) rather than something you use for every day spending.

Wishihadabs - xpost about the haircuts! No man needs to know that...

Take the offer to split proportionally and save like mad if you're thinking of having DC's.

When you have been used to having a salary, it is hard to live on maternity pay. My company give me a year of maternity leave, but you only get 9 months maternity pay, so in those last 3 months saving get eaten up pretty quickly.
My career has suffered and my earning potential damaged.
It also NEVER occured to me pre dc, that I may struggle to AFFORD to go back to work as full time childcare costs are 1k+ a month.

Yes, my DH would give me money if I asked, but I feel so much better dipping into savings if I want to buy something for myself.

Dontmind yes that's my thinking exactly. He just doesn't understand that decent haircuts are expensive and that to buy a decent leather jacket you need to spend an obscene amount of money. Oh and scarves can be surprisingly expensive... My mum has always shared an account with my dad and she'll come home from a day out and he'll already know where she went for lunch and what she bought because he tracks it all online. It's just not right!

And yes Dontmind DH does spend less on small things each month than I do. But we've never added it up and compared - he buys expensive things once in a while like Playstations and road bikes.

If I ever end up on maternity leave we will both have to cut back.

We are quite socialist I guess

I think it's important to have private pots as well as a communal one for joint expenses because, being brutal, you never know what might happen and if someday you'll be extremely grateful for having something stashed away only you can get at.

Literally only having one account can also make it very difficult for people who find it hard to budget.

We are each paid into our individual accounts. We pay set amounts into the joint a/c (leaving the same amount of spending money in our individual accounts) and all bills come out of that account. We also pay the same amount (out of our individual accounts) into saving accounts. I'm in charge of the finances and make sure DH is saving money because he is useless at budgetting and is always 'surprised' by a large expenditure. It is mildly irritating when we go out for the day and he announces he has no money, it would be a lot more annoying if he announced there was no money in a joint account for e.g. emergency car repairs.

One pot for everything surely is only necessary if you are on a low income/one salary and can't or don't want to have individual spending money?

We have a DS. I work part-time, DH, full time - all goes into joint account. We each have an identical "allowance" that is "ours" - we can spend it how we like, no come-back, no explanations!! It is quite small an allowance - after school fees and rising cost of living, there's not much left.