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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there's a point at which contributing to the bills proportional to your income gets silly?

68 replies

Gabaccia · 26/03/2013 11:24

Not sure if my thread title makes sense, but - DH and I have always split the mortgage and bills according to how much we earned, so that we'd have roughly equal money left over for leisure stuff. This started off at 50/50, then changed to 60/40 as he had a few pay rises, and now after another pay rise he's earning twice as much as me. He's suggested we adjust the bills again to reflect this, but...as I have plenty of money to do what I want, I can go out, buy more or less whatever I want (within reason - I'm talking going for drinks and dinner and shopping in the high street, not flying to Paris for the weekend and buying designer bags), doesn't it seem silly for me to contribute less towards our bills, just because he earns a lot? It's not like he has a different lifestyle to me, he probably spends less on himself than I do Blush so I'd feel a bit weird about contributing, say, less than 30% towards our cost of living because he happens to have a useful job a job that society values more highly than mine?

We don't have DCs yet and obviously it would be different if we did, as we'd be saving for them and one or both of us would probably be working fewer hours than we do now.

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Original poster
Gabaccia · 26/03/2013 12:20

Ah, I like the idea of living in a bijou socialist utopia RichMan Grin Yes, I did suspect I was B slightly U but couldn't quite work out why - I knew you'd all clarify it for me! Our savings are in little bits all over the place, some in my name, some in his, depending who got round to opening the account, but they are both 'ours' technically.

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LunaticFringe · 26/03/2013 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Gabaccia · 26/03/2013 12:22

Ghanagirl yep I am assuming we'll feel about 500 times poorer once we have DCs, even if we do have savings! Just thinking about things like university tuition fees makes me feel faint...

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WhereYouLeftIt · 26/03/2013 12:27

Well put, TheMidnightHour. Working that way has covered us through income ups and downs; when times were good we could save, when times were bad we sold the car both took less personal money. But throughout, we both viewed ourselves as one unit, no discussions on who put in what required.

whiteandyellowiris · 26/03/2013 12:37

if your a couple living together everything should be shared equally

i find anything else rather odd

we have one pot, both have an equal amount of spending money, works v well for us

i have friend who lives with her long term partner more than 15 year relationship

he earns triple what she earns, yet they pay 50/50 on everthing bills morgage etc, she has no spare money, he has loads Hmm

i worry about her tbh

Original poster
Gabaccia · 26/03/2013 12:44

That can't be very nice for your friend whiteandyellow, esp if he's off living a different lifestyle to her. I knew a couple like that once and was completely shocked - he had an amazing car, she couldn't afford one at all and really needed one Hmm I don't get it.

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Original poster
Gabaccia · 26/03/2013 12:46

But maybe some high earning people think like I kind of did when I started the thread - why should one of you pay basically nothing and the other everything, just because they are a high earner. But I think in that scenario, if the high earning partner is so rich they would ideally be happy to share it with the person they love.

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Yfronts · 26/03/2013 12:55

Ask him to save the money instead. Use it as a nest egg for the future for you both. Will be handy when kids come along.

Yfronts · 26/03/2013 12:57

We always adjusted our contribution according to income but then we knew our relationship was for ever and that things would balance out in the end.

whiteandyellowiris · 26/03/2013 12:57

it's not nice for her, she never had money for clothes or going out much.

he has everything he wants

i have actually tried to talk to her about it and have said your rescources should be shared

but she says it wouldnt be fair, because he earns more.

in other words she thinks he derserves to have more spends because he earns more....

they have no children, they are over 35 so not sure they ever will, i know hes not been keen on having dc for years

i worry he will dump her in 5-10 years, and it will be too late for her to have her own family, and he will be nice and comfy and she wont

whiteandyellowiris · 26/03/2013 12:59

alos love the term
bijou socialist utopia

Original poster
Gabaccia · 26/03/2013 13:00

whiteandyellow maybe you should show her this thread with all the arguments for why it should be split fairly and proportionally? Lots of good posts.

I'm going to discuss all this with DH tonight, but I'm wondering now whether I just feel inherently guilty for not earning as much as him!

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MumOfTheMoos · 26/03/2013 13:02

We started off splitting 50/50, then went proportionately according to income and now we both have the same amount for spending money and everything else is transferred into the joint account. This is by much the fairest, although he earns more than me, I more than compensate through my non financial contribution (eg meal planning, looking after finances, cooking (a much more skilled job than filling the dishwasher) which increases the quality of our lives.

We are a team and just because the market values my dh's combination of paid and unpaid work more highly than my combination of paid and unpaid work doesn't mean we have to.

Any excess goes into joint savings.

whiteandyellowiris · 26/03/2013 13:02

gab, if i thought it would get through to her i would, but we've gone past hte point of being able to discuss it really, as she knows i don't think much to how he treats her, so its a sore subject

shes very very influenceed by him.

Astelia · 26/03/2013 14:29

Do save while you can. If you can put money into investments the power of compound interest will kick in. Any amount invested at 7% pa will double in value every ten years.

ChestyLeRoux · 26/03/2013 14:33

Put it all in one account and then just do it like that. Its a whole lot easier. Dont know how anyone could be like this with the man they are going to be with forever.

Binkybix · 26/03/2013 14:41

DH and I have always put a certain (same) amount to cover mortgage and bills, some joint savings and then kept rest for ourselves, but we have always been paid almost exactly the same so that's worked for us.

Now with a cub on the way, we're thinking about how best to do it. We're just going to pool everything then pay bills out of that then halve whats left each month for ourselves. Hopefully this will work because we spend about the same, save about the same.

OneLittleToddleTerror · 26/03/2013 14:42

Want to say you have a very considerate husband. You see many women got stung when they start having children. Invariably it is us who have to suffer career wise.

Before children, DH and I split 50/50, and we have our incomes in our sole accounts. One of the changes we made when I got pregnant was all salaries go into the joint account, and we split the leftovers 50/50. That is after bills, family holidays and savings. This leftover is where we buy our toys - clothes, phones, etc. I think this is what midnight proposed upthread. And it seems the fairest way to me if you want to think of yourself as a financial unit, not as two individuals living together.

I agree with others you could look at savings, pensions, mortgages as a family too with the extra. For example, I know a friends lovely husband bought extra years on the teachers pension for her.

OneLittleToddleTerror · 26/03/2013 14:43

Want to add we earn about equal before children so that's why it was 50/50.

Original poster
Gabaccia · 26/03/2013 14:56

I think we just need to come up with a plan for the future re. savings, investments etc. We overpay our mortgage and have pensions, but haven't really thought beyond that. We do think of ourselves as one financial unit - all savings are ours together and we both own the house. We just do it differently from some in that we have our own current accounts and a joint account, but I can definitely see how it would be easier once you have DCs and aren't both working full time to pool it all and take out set amount.

I guess because we both work the same hours and I don't contribute anything extra in terms of caring for children or doing more domestic/life admin stuff, I feel like I'm contributing less to our lives than him overall. But that's silly and there's not much that can be done about it!

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kerala · 26/03/2013 15:08

Another one who finds splitting finances in a couple odd. DH and I pooled from the start - we were both high earners, he moved into my flat and we put the money he was paying in rent into savings it was London so was alot. Glad we did now as means I can be SAHM and we own a nice house.

idococktailshedoesbeer · 26/03/2013 15:10

DP earns three times as much as me and we pay mortgage and bills proportionate to that. I do feel sometimes as though I pay too little, far less than when I rented my own flat in London. But it's allowed me to build up some savings which is great.

TalkUsernameYoudLike · 26/03/2013 15:27

My DP earns 11grand more than me, yet I still pay exactly the same for mortgage and bills as he does. Yes it does mean that he has more money left over than me, but I'm much happier knowing that I'm paying equal for our home than how much money I have for myself left over.

I wouldn't pay less, if I could afford it.

MumOfTheMoos · 26/03/2013 15:32

Talk, I think that's very wise if he is your DP rather than DH, as if anything were to happen to you relationship and you had to split your home, being unmarried, the courts would look at your financial contribution unless you have already agreed the split differently.

Original poster
Gabaccia · 26/03/2013 15:32

Fair enough TalkUsername, as long as one partner doesn't go without or live a vastly different lifestyle from the other I think it's whatever makes you feel most comfortable really.

I think I've always got in the back of my mind that I want to maintain my financial independence, so always felt more comfortable having my own current account into which my salary goes. But this might change as time goes on and if one of us stops earning for a while, as people have suggested upthread.

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