to think if you have a giant rottweiler you should say so when you invite children to play?

[kawliga]

Or is it up to me, whenever my daughter is invited to play with schoolfriends to ask their parents 'by the way, might you happen to have a giant rottweiler the size of a small tractor in your house'?

This was a friendly dog and dd is not frightened of dogs, but we don't have dogs ourselves so she is also not used to them. This dog, the sheer size of it, could knock a grown man over even if it's just playing. When I arrived to pick her up DD was cowering in the corner although later she told me she had fun playing there, so no harm done. Just feel a bit uneasy. I feel like I should have known so I could say something like 'there's a big dog there but it's friendly so don't worry' before she went there to play. AIBU?

[southbank]

Yanbu,not everyone is a dog lover.Im not comfortable around dogs and my dd is terrified of them.
If you have a dog then yes what is wrong with mentioning it?
I hate going to peoples houses and having a dog jump up at me,sorry but I dont want to smell of your dog and I just hate people saying 'they're just being friendly'.

[BlueSkySunnyDay]

I think for those of you really worried about it - you need to make sure that you check in advance.

I cant say mentioning owning a dog personally would be considered unnecessary but it could easily be overlooked on the when checking whole food allergies, pick up times etc etc. If it is really important then ask

I love dogs but have always told my children they should never touch someone elses dog without permission and taught them how to tell for themselves if a dog is friendly. I dont think a scared parent transferring their fear of dogs onto their child is a good thing as I think a fearful unaware child is as likely to be bitten as an overconfident one.

[BlueSkySunnyDay]

H is allergic to cats we wouldnt choose to go to a house where there were cats so why do you go to peoples houses then Southbank if you know they have dogs? I dont think its a coincidence that you dont like dogs and your child is terrified.

[babybythesea]

I really don't know!

I own a dog, and I have young child. We are just getting to the stage of play dates. It has never occurred to me to mention the dog. Not because I assume people will love her as much as I do, or because I think she is human, or because I refuse to accept dogs could bite (despite what the sarky anti-dog posters on here seem to think). It is purely because she is just a part of our life and family, so it doesn't occur to me to mention her any more than I say "Oh, by the way, DD has a Dad who lives at home - is your child ok with men?" Having said that, I have sometimes mentioned it when I remember. It is just that she is a bit like background furniture for us and I just honestly don't remember to ask.

It clearly is an issue for some people - I will try and make sure I'm more explicit in future.

It is also worth noting though that once people have arrived, I don't automatically assume they will love her. Not telling people does not by any means imply that I think everyone is going to think she's wonderful. So, they arrive, she barks (well, sometimes she does. I actually like her to bark - I don't think it does any harm, in a fairly isolated house, to have people think there's a big scary dog inside). I make her sit, I hold on to her just in case (although she doesn't jump up) and then I open the door. Then I see what the reaction is. If the other person is holding out their hand towards the dog and grinning, I let her go. She wags her tail, runs over, sniffs their hand, receives pats and job done, and affection received, she buggers off and sits by the back window to guard the garden from squirrels. If there's any sign of discomfort whether from an adult or a child, I'll ask. Depending on the response I get, I will either take the dog away completely (if someone says they are scared), or I will hold on to the dog more firmly to let the person approach - more to let them feel that she's being held rather than because the dog is likely to get up and come to them once I've told her to sit. This usually happens with children, with parents encouraging them to come and give her a stroke. If they don't want to greet her though, that's fine and we can put the dog elsewhere. Actually though, once the greeting is done, the dog tends to either keep herself to herself or follow me round.

I would hope that people who had allergies would ask in advance as shutting the dog away won't help - there's going to be fluff and not much I can do about it so I'd see it as part of protecting their own health to just check.

If the breed is relevant, she's a rough collie. Looks exactly like Lassie, and is just as dopey although if your child falls into a well, don't rely on her being able to rescue it - she hates getting wet or dirty. The biggest fuss we have ever had from a child (and yes, we did shut the dog away but he didn't like her even being able to see him from behind a glass door - not much we could do about that) was because he wouldn't believe that she was a dog and remained convinced she was a baby lion. Now that, I might have mentioned owning....

[Snugglepiggy]

YA a but U but if you are not a doggy person can see why you might prefer to have known in advance.
But as someone who has had dogs all her life and worked in the dog business for many years I completely second that list of dogs more likely to bite.Top of my list from experience those adorable looking golden cocker spaniels - a lot have 'cocker rage' - and Jack Russells and other smaller terrier types.i knw - I've been bitten by both.And a customer recently had to have her chihuahua put down for biting her own daughter.
Two of the loveliest dogs I look after are a female Rottie and a Male German Shepherd so size of breed doesn't always equate to risk.

[Alligatorpie]

I think people who have dogs forget that not everyone likes to be around dogs. I dont like dogs and would not have been comfortable leaving my dd in a house with a rotweiller. I wouldnt think to ask though.

[olgaga]

YADNBU but of course no dog owner can ever imagine that their "family pet" might frighten a child, let alone maim or kill them. But even the RSPCA acknowledges that aggression is a normal part of the way all animals behave and the majority of fatal dog attacks happen in the home.

Of the 1,040 admissions among children aged under 10 for dog bites and strikes, 494 admissions were for plastic surgery and 278 were to the oral and facial surgery unit.

From the RSPCA facilitators' pack - not for the squeamish.

[babybythesea]

YANBU I wouldn't be comfortable with it either, I don't like dogs and I would want to know if there was a chance my child would be left unsupervised with a dog at someone else's home.


But why on earth are you assuming that just because someone has a dog they will leave them unsupervised? The two aren't the same thing at all. Not all dog owners are completely insensitive and think their mutts are angels in fur coats. Most people are well aware, if they own a dog, of the potential for damage (if your child is going there on a play date then they also have a child and are probably more aware than you are of any risks). See above - I have a child and a dog, and I don't leave visiting kids alone with the dog. Although in all fairness, if a child isn't used to dogs, you don't know how they are going to approach the dog and what they might do so it also is a bit to protect the dog, to keep her with me or put her away. And then you don't have any risk of the child doing something to the dog that causes the dog to retaliate.

[seeker]

Of course you should say!

Some children are scared of dogs, or allergic to dogs. I always told the parents of visiting children that we had cats- it's just sensible. I also asked if we might be going to see the horses, or go blackberrying or whatever. Anything even slightly out of the ordinary I would mention.

The size and breed of the dog is immaterial.

[FloatyBeatie]

That's an excellent post babybythesea, and it seems to me that you have exactly the right attitude. That's just how I would like to be with my dog. Unfortunately he is a mardy little bugger who thinks that children shouldbe not seen and not heard, so I used to slip him into his cosy den of a crate when we had playdates. (That was long ago, and I suspect that our little dog is now of the view that we should mention to him that we are inviting giant teens into the house).

[HousewifeFromArimathea]

I always mention my budgie

[babybythesea]

Sorry - the first bit of my last post was in reply to FeckOffCup.

[FloatyBeatie]

(oops x-post -- I meant your 1st post, babybythesea though second seems right too)

[Katnisscupcake]

I always mention that we have dogs if anyone comes around who hasn't been here before because they bark very loudly when someone comes to the door and at least it gives the parent chance to pre-warn the child about the barking.

Plus the dogs are always downstairs (3 level house) behind a dog gate when people come around (mainly because the male has a tendency to leak when he gets excited... ). I would be embarassed to send children home covered in fur aswell and our labs moult terribly!! All year round!

[babybythesea]

"YADNBU but of course no dog owner can ever imagine that their "family pet" might frighten a child, let alone maim or kill them"


Which is just not even slightly true.
It might be true of some people sure, but then some people might also believe that they are at no risk from being hurt in a car crash because they are brilliant drivers, and so continue to do twuntish things like use their mobiles while driving.
There are however lots of us who have both kids and dogs, and who are well aware of risks, and of the fact that other people might not like dogs, and who make an effort to ensure that our own children, never mind visiting kids, are not put in harms way. Do you honestly think that I'd put my own child at risk????
I'm not denying that dog bites happen or tragedies occur. But I am saying you can prevent it (not just by always avoiding a house where a dog resides) and most decent dog owners are well aware of how to do this. Otherwise, there'd be far more accidents than there are.

Just because I have a dog does not make me an idiot, or reckless. Any more than not owning a dog means that someone is a hysterical individual assuming that dogs are the spawn of the devil hell-bent on ripping them limb from limb and the only way to protect their offspring is to keep them at a distance of no less than a mile from one of those maurauding beasts.... Some non-dog owners are sensible too!

[Ghanagirl]

olgaga
Those pictures really do sum up some of the injuries I've seen on small children, and lot of the injuries I've seen are on children who are know to pet. i.e grandma or uncles dog or even parents. One of the worst cases I saw was a 2year old bitten by the family dog a jack Russell. I had previously visited the family (in my role as health visitor) and the dog barked incessantly and tried to nip my ankles, when I asked the father to put the dog outside he got quite narky and insisted the dog was all bark, when I insisted that I would leave and that they would have to visit me at the clinic with there then newborn he reluctantly put the dog in the garden where it continued to bark and hurl himself at the patio doors. At the time it was a amusing story to tell collegues, until toddler was bitten on the face by dog, when I did home follow-up they still had dog but said it was going to behaviour lessons but they had sacked the nanny who took toddler to A&E as she told doctors that the dog was aggressive!!

[HotCrossPun]

We have a staffie. He is the gentlest, softest dog around, but I can understand why parents of young children are sometimes wary around him, because of the bad reputation they have. YANBU.

[BramshawHill]

Chandon - a big dog can do more damage but is less likely to. Little dogs have killed children, would you be happier with an aggressive yorkie who might 'only' maim and disfigure your child or a soppy bigger dog who wouldn't harm a fly? Size has absolutely nothing to do with threat.

[kennyp]

i woudl always tell someone if we had pets - we currently have guinea pigs and i always wd say incase of allergies.

i agree with you entirely, i would want to know.

[Ghanagirl]

A dog is a animal doesn't matter the size I've seen injuries caused by small and Large dogs. one thing the have in common is the owners always insist it's friendly, has never been aggressive before, all of which may be true but it only takes one incident to damage a child

[exoticfruits]

Unless you hide your dog away I think it unlikely that a child invited around wouldn't know that you had one.

[wishingchair]

We have a labrador and always tell people before they come to the house. No fun for anyone to have a child come to play and them be terrified.

Agree with the size comment that bramshawhill made. Ours is a lab so reasonably big (especially if you're little), but the only dogs that have ever shown him any aggression have been small dogs. Jack Russells mostly.

[DeWe]

I don't like dogs generally. I can make a show of not minding now, but I'm quivering inside.
I once had a friend's dog grab me by the leg. It was generally a gentle family pet, which had never gone for me or anyone else. I went to answer the door bell, and it just jumped at me and had to be pulled away.

However I will usually check before I go to a new person's house. Particularly for dd1 who is much worse than I am due to an incident when she was tiny. Dd2 and ds love dogs so if I check there I'm more warning the owner of the children than the other way round

My view is I'm the one coming into the person's home environment, which, to them, is normal, so I need to ask if there's anything that would bother me, that they would think of as normal.

And the most aggressive dog I knew growing up was my gran's jack russell. It did a good imitation of Scrappy do...

[TheChaoGoesMu]

YANBU. She should have told you she had a dog and that she would shut it away if there was a problem. Lots of people seem to be scared of dogs these days. Nearly all the children that come to visit dd are afraid of dogs so I shut ours in a different room. I have managed to convert one child though, and she quite likes the dog now.