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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are SAHMS discriminated against. Red magazine are doing an article about it.

999 replies

Darkesteyes · 25/03/2013 16:58

Just seen this on twitter.

Are stay at home mums discriminated against? Are you one and unhappy with benefits, or feel judged? Tell us.
[email protected]

OP posts:
maisiejoe123 · 27/03/2013 18:36

So, your DH's company doesnt want huge amounts of committment. I beg to differ unless he runs a one man business.

impty · 27/03/2013 18:37

not enough pension credits to pay a pension. you have to either keep having children, top them up or have your own plan for retirement.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 27/03/2013 18:37

"Nice to see money that could pay off debt and has been taken off sahp is going towards private education"
This demonstrates that you fundamentally misunderstand what taxation of earnings is. It does not represent a process whereby the government gives back to working people money belonging to it. It represents a process whereby the government takes from working people money belonging to them.
The assertion that people paying for private education are taking money owed to you as a SAHM is (a) inaccurate and (b) breathtaking in its arrogance.

SherbertStraws · 27/03/2013 18:38

Yawn yawn yawn, how many times can you lote rehash this tired debate

maisiejoe123 · 27/03/2013 18:40

Thanks Karlos. When I read Kazoo's post I thought at one point that she wanted perhaps my salary to be pointed towards her. Maybe she does.... Although all working people (including me!) are paying towards her pension...

And no Kazoo clearly doesnt understand how tax works...

FasterStronger · 27/03/2013 18:41

impty - not enough pension credits to pay a pension yes but neither is anyone else's annual NI contribution enough to pay a pension.

Kazooblue · 27/03/2013 18:42

Karl's well I certainly don't think people who can afford private education should be getting help with childcare.

And yes a higher earner loses CB but those on the same or more dual don't and pay less tax for the same salary.

Kazooblue · 27/03/2013 18:43

Maisie I paid of my pension for years and dp continues to do so-with my help.

impty · 27/03/2013 18:43

yes... so I will be living off my own means not a gov pension in the future!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/03/2013 18:44

It is a relevant debate, Sherbert. And if it is not relevant to you, I am sure it is relevant to people you know - maybe even people you care about. And if people never discussed issues, then we would still have slavery, workhouses, apartheid and segregation, and women would be regarded as their husbands' property, would not be allowed to own property, would not have the vote, and rape within marriage would still be legal.

So, sorry if we are boring you, but if everyone yawns and looks away, nothing will ever change or improve.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 27/03/2013 18:44

I work - fucking hard -in part so I can afford to educate my DC privately. Also, of course, so I can afford proper help for my DS with ASD, which our fabulous public services so hopelessly fail to provide.
Anyone who thinks I should not be doing this so as to be able to contribute to benefits for SAHP can sod off, frankly.

maisiejoe123 · 27/03/2013 18:45

Faster - but someone, somewhere is paying for people's pensions. If less and less are paying in then the age will have to go up before you can receive it (oh look it has!).

We are all living longer. Perhaps if I die before I can claim 'my entiltement' whatever that is then my estate can claim the rest. If the average age for women to live is 82 say and I die at 65, well can my family have my contributions back. No - I didnt think so.....

Kazooblue · 27/03/2013 18:46

Oh you can Karlos but you shouldn't be getting help with childcare too,you clearly don't need it.

maisiejoe123 · 27/03/2013 18:48

Kazoo said she has worked for years. Really - well I am a higher rate tax payer and will at 65 (not quite there yet) have worked for 40 years. Do I get more because I have worked for longer. No, I know I wont state pension wise.

And Kazoo keeps insisting that her DH pays her share. It doesnt work like that....No one person pays another persons share...

Kazooblue · 27/03/2013 18:51

Well Maisie if we all got proportionately what we pay in the whole system would collapse,rather a silly question.Anyway how do you know dp and I haven't paid in more than you?Hmm

maisiejoe123 · 27/03/2013 18:52

Kazoo - I cannot believe you are judging Karlos like this. She has just said she is working to support a child with ASD. FGS - who do you think you are telling people what you think they can and cannot get. She has been let down by public services. She has decided to work and pay to get the care and attention for her child. What is so wrong with that?

BTW - I dont have any childcare needs anymore so the changes are irrelevant to me but would fight to keep it for working parents going foward.

maisiejoe123 · 27/03/2013 18:54

Because you dont work and unless your DH is £200k plus.......

FasterStronger · 27/03/2013 18:55

Anyway how do you know dp and I haven't paid in more than you?

because you wouldn't go on and on and on and on and on about your loss of CB if you income was that high.

Kazooblue · 27/03/2013 18:55

Errr. I think you'll find this is a public forum with plenty of opinions as you know it is a discussion.Grin

Sorry anybody wealthy enough to pay for private education should not be getting help with childcare.

I suspect a lot of those on 300k getting this help will simply use it towards school fees which is ridiculous when 60k is deemed as too wealthy for CB.

maisiejoe123 · 27/03/2013 18:58

We have two DS's at private schools, one at senior boarding school. We live in the South East near London. Without revealing our dual income you do the sums. We get no help from inheirtance (all parents still alive!) and had no help with childcare, one set of parents live 300 miles away and the other set are too frail.

Kazooblue · 27/03/2013 18:58

Well there you go.

As I said I had a career and dp and I have both worked for several years,dp in several roles.

You know all sahp aren't a leech on society as you so clearly think they are.

Viviennemary · 27/03/2013 18:59

I wouldn't object to the non-working parent's tax allowance being transferred to the working parent. But then single parents might think that discriminates against them. And people did want separate taxation and pensions. That's why the married couple's pension was phased out. I think the child benefit rule for higher tax payers is unfair.

LittleChickpea · 27/03/2013 18:59

Sorry i haven't read all the comments. I may well get flamed for this but here it goes...

Speaking from experience and as an employer. I don't care whether the person applying is a SAHM/SAHD/single/married/disabled etc. What I need is someone that has the skills, experience or the ability to learn quickly (dependant on the role) and all that stuff people read on job roles/profiles. In my field up to date knowledge of whats happening in our industry and flexibility is important and it does impact decisions on candidates. This is not discrimination, we have to make decisions that secure the companies future and inevitably protect jobs and yes our bottom line. If we are not flexible to our client needs, we get sacked. If we get sacked by clients then this results in redundancies so we have to make decisions that are in the best interest of the business. This means we have to employ the most suitable candidate for the role regardless of gender, disability or a parent. That's RL!

With regards the gap in CV. Again I don't care whether that's due to been a SAHP or someone who went traveling etc. I care that I believe the person in front of me can do the job. And if our business had to choose between two people with equal skills/qualifications/whatever but one persons CV has a gap of a number of years (regardless of reason) and the other has continued employment, it's an easy decision. We can get the person with no gap up to speed and getting on with it quicker than having to up skill the other. Unfortunately it's a tough trading environment and companies are their to protect the profits, shareholder value and growth.

IMO, SAHM are not discriminated against and no one is trying to force anyone back to work. If people choose to have children thats a choice they make and the impact of choosing to stop working should be considered. And if it someones choice to stay home because they feel its in the best interest of their child/children then go for it but they can't complain when they don't walk straight back into a career after 3/5/10 years..

Kazooblue · 27/03/2013 19:01

Well Maisie you have pretty much made the point re the argument.There is no way that people like you should have help with childcare.The fact you do and sahp families on less are losing money quite obviously makes the point that sahp are discriminated against.

maisiejoe123 · 27/03/2013 19:01

What about grandparents who pay the private school fees, should their contribution be taken into account.

Many many times I have wished we had grandparents who wanted to do this but good for them - they are too busy living it up and their social lives are certainly much more hectic than mine.

Its our choice to use our salaries anyway we want and have you thought Kazoo that all the parents educating privately are allowing YOUR kids to be in smaller classes??

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