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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get really annoyed when women talk of their DHs or DPs as Having "Put his foot down"

61 replies

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/03/2013 11:55

over things which should be joint decisions? It REALLY gets on my nerves for some reason.

"Oh no...I can't cut DCs hair...DP has really put his foot down about that."

"Oooh no...we're not having a pet, DH put his foot down."

I want to say "Well tell his foot to fuck off!" Some things...where the woman in question WANTS something to happen she just accepts her partners "no" like he's her frigging Dad and she's ten!

OP posts:

dreamingbohemian · 25/03/2013 14:29

Seriously??? "Denying a pet to an animal lover is mean"... but forcing a pet onto someone who doesn't want one isn't?

Unless you are a small child, I'm sure you can learn to live with the disappointment of not always getting what you want.

It's not nearly the same as forcing a set of responsibilities (in time and money) on someone unwillingly, not to mention whatever other reasons they have for not wanting pets.

DoJo · 25/03/2013 14:53

YABU - you have double standards and don't seem to have much regard for your husband's feelings or opinions. If you 'put your foot down' about things in your marriage, why should other people?

WilsonFrickett · 25/03/2013 16:10

We put our foots down equally in our relationship. Most things can be worked out and compromised over, but some things are a yes or no situation, aren't they?

FWIW we would be having serious relationship issues if you introduced a pet into the house expressly against my wishes.

shewhowines · 25/03/2013 16:13

He does put his foot down over some things and I can't change his mind but equally i'm pretty good at putting my foot down over some things. It's only a saying.....

HorryIsUpduffed · 25/03/2013 16:24

We have limited veto in our house.

For example, when DH was away, as much for something to do as any other reason, I took the DCs to the family service at church. It was not very us* shall we say. When I reported back to DH he was appalled at the content (but not the general idea) and exercised his veto. Which actually was fine because I wouldn't go again if you paid me.

I can't imagine getting pregnant, or getting a pet, if DH were strongly against. That's a shitty thing to do. If you value the animal above him I don't know why he stays.

wordfactory · 25/03/2013 16:31

YABU OP.

We all have stuff that is the bottom line. Stuff that isn't up for negotiation.

'Putting your foot down' is just a way of expressing that.

TheFallenNinja · 25/03/2013 16:56

A superbly balanced point of view OP. People put their foot down all the time and they rarely get told to fuck off.

FredFredGeorge · 25/03/2013 18:57

Surely it's used by both DH and DW's and what it really means (unless the partner is abusive):

"I completely agree with the decision, but I want an excuse in front of you as I percieve you not to agree with it and it's just easier to blame the partner who's not here than to explain it to you."

samandi · 26/03/2013 12:10

Getting a new pet is a serious decision and something that should be done with both partners' agreements. It's unfair on the pets that end up traipsing back and forth between homes and animal shelters because people don't want them or haven't thought things through properly otherwise.

UniS · 26/03/2013 12:21

I think for one of a partnership to "put their foot down" is OK. Its a partnership, both sides may have different opinions and family life is a work out and a compromise. sometimes one has to accept the other persons decision and go with it.

OP- if you were my partner and you bought an animal into the family home when I had " put my foot down" against it, that animal would have been shipped straight off to pet rescue once you had gone to work. Its not about the money or the time, its about respecting each others opinions. You can't just ignore every decision that doesn't go your way.

DadOnIce · 26/03/2013 13:46

Although "putting your foot down" in theory is one thing, but actually physically stopping another adult from doing something is quite another, isn't it? I think that is what perhaps makes people uncomfortable with the expression - the undercurrent of physical force. "DW/DH wanted to go out for the third time this week but I put my foot down and said no." Did you? What did you do then? Hide their car keys? Lock the door??

There was something in the "family calendar" thread like this recently. Someone's DH hadn't put "going for a pint with his mate" on the calendar and one poster said "if it was my husband he wouldn't be going." Right. Easy as that.

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