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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get really annoyed when women talk of their DHs or DPs as Having "Put his foot down"

61 replies

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/03/2013 11:55

over things which should be joint decisions? It REALLY gets on my nerves for some reason.

"Oh no...I can't cut DCs hair...DP has really put his foot down about that."

"Oooh no...we're not having a pet, DH put his foot down."

I want to say "Well tell his foot to fuck off!" Some things...where the woman in question WANTS something to happen she just accepts her partners "no" like he's her frigging Dad and she's ten!

OP posts:

LandofTute · 25/03/2013 12:31

Why did you put your foot down about getting a cat when you knew your dh didn't want one?

Jojobump1986 · 25/03/2013 12:31

Both DH & I 'put our foot down' in about equal measure. Usually it's just whoever feels most strongly about the issue or whoever has the most compelling argument.

For example, his parents recently offered us some money to get our garden sorted out so it's a safe environment for DS to play in. I really don't like the idea of taking money from family for what I see as a luxury that we could manage without. The alternative was DH taking time off work & doing it himself. We both made our points but ultimately he 'put his foot down' & we accepted the money. I'm still not entirely comfortable about it but since it was his parents offering & he would've had to do the work otherwise, I figured that he should get to make the final decision.

DS1 was born at home, as will DS2 be in June. I put my foot down on that one despite DH having a few reservations. It affected me more than him & he supported my decision. It's about compromise, not either person getting their own way all the time.

FWIW though, I'd never insist on something that he was very against & I'd never go behind his back & make a decision I know he wouldn't like without his knowledge. He wouldn't do that to me either. We respect each other.

DadOnIce · 25/03/2013 12:38

It always paints a picture for me of someone stamping their foot like an angry toddler.

WafflyVersatile · 25/03/2013 12:49

How do you feel when they say

'He wants a dog but I'm putting my foot down'?

megandraper · 25/03/2013 12:53

I don't know - I wanted to go somewhere on Friday, but my DH refused to drive there (I can't drive). It was very heavy snow, and he didn't think it was safe to drive. Effectively, he put his foot down, though he didn't use the phrase.

Do you think that's unfair? I don't, as it happens, though I am no great fan of being 'told what to do'.

Thumbwitch · 25/03/2013 12:59

Just noticed your name, Waffly, now I've got that bloody jingle going round in my head! Thanks! [grumbles]

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 25/03/2013 13:04

I agree that it's about context.

If it's about a hair cut then the person whose hair it is can do what they like. If it's about something that will affect the other person, such as getting a dog, then they have the right to put their foot down. However, I do think they should discuss the issue and give their reasons.

The only time I would be concerned is if it was the same person putting their foot down all the time and refusing to discuss it. That would smack of control to me.

BMW6 · 25/03/2013 13:05

OP - you are an outrageous hypocrite!!! What bollox you have spouted given your actions re getting a pet

Original poster

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/03/2013 13:15

I probably am an awful hypocrite. I love DH...I do find living with another adult hard at times. I'm not inconsiderate in general but at times I think I DO know best.

I knew that the children should have a pet...and that pets are good for mental health. I decided that my instincts were right and I would be trusting them. And I wasn't wrong.

OP posts:

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 25/03/2013 13:18

I put my foot down over DP wanting pet :)

Does that balance it out a bit?

Picturesinthefirelight · 25/03/2013 13:19

Neo if dh had done that on me - got a cat anyway against my wishes I'd have left the marriage as I would see it as not caring about my feelings

Similarly he has put his foot down I. Dd seeing a certain film. I have to respect he has strong feelings about it despite me thinking it would be ok.

Original poster

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/03/2013 13:20

Lol at you pictures! You sound even harder work than me!

OP posts:

thezebrawearspurple · 25/03/2013 13:27

I put my foot down a lot, for good reason and sometimes it goes the other way which is fair enough. You talk about compromise, it's not a compromise to get a pet that your partner has already says he doesn't want, that's just disrespectful.

I would hate animals in my home and if dp brought one home despite me saying no, he'd be told to find somewhere else for it and could go join the animal if it's that important to him. Of course he wouldn't because he respects my preferences, just as I do him on other issues that are important for him.

You're saying that if a woman doesn't bully a man into doing exactly what she wants, she's a child, there's nothing adult about bullying people, in a mature relationship you have to listen to the other person and the respect has to be mutual.

Original poster

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/03/2013 13:29

See where pets are concerned I think there HAS to be compromise unless the one who does not want a pet is allergic or terrified.

Denying an animal lover a pet is downright mean.

OP posts:

BMW6 · 25/03/2013 13:31

OP you have made such a fool of yourself. I suggest you ask for this thread to be deleted.

Original poster

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/03/2013 13:32

says who BM? I don't feel foolish at all so I'll let it stand... bless you for your kind concern.

OP posts:

WestieMamma · 25/03/2013 13:33

I've put my foot down over our soon to arrive baby son's name. My husband loves a particular name and he's adamant it's what he wants, and to be fair to him it is a nice name. The problem is that coupled with our surname it's hilarious. Everyone I told about it at first thinks 'nice' and then you see the penny drop and they burst out laughing. So I may be controlling, uncompromising or whatever, but I don't care. It ain't happening. :o

Original poster

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/03/2013 13:34

Westie is it "Olver Hardy" or some such?

OP posts:

WestieMamma · 25/03/2013 13:45

Yes, something like that. I don't want to say too much and out myself but we get a bit of ribbing already just for having the same surname. Giving a baby the same Christian name is a bridge too far. My husband likes the name for other reasons and is completely blinkered to the connection.

SatsukiKusukabe · 25/03/2013 13:49

depends, I have put my foot down about having another baby. Should dh get to decide for me that I'm having another baby? I have also put my foot down about dh having a motorbike, he is an adult I can't stop him but I think they're dangerous and since we have had children I've said no. I obviously can't stop him having one but I would leave if he got one, so it's his choice really.

BMW6 · 25/03/2013 13:50

Op
How is it anything OTHER than foolish than to post a ranty thread about a particular behaviour, then admit to behaving in the exact same way yourself

SatsukiKusukabe · 25/03/2013 13:51

you felt it would enrich "our lives" you decided you knew better than him? bit controlling

Original poster

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/03/2013 13:52

BM I don't really give a bugger! I use AIBU sometimes as a way of working things out in my own mind....that's not foolish. You on the other hand are overly keen on convincing I AM foolish....so that's your own personal foolishness coming out.

OP posts:

Catchingmockingbirds · 25/03/2013 13:53

Yabu, I 'put my foot down' about things too. If DP feels strongly about not wanting something to happen I'll respect his decision and vice versa.

Greythorne · 25/03/2013 14:20

OP - you enjoy putting your foot down but you don't like it when other people do?

You put your foot down over a pet.

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