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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ignore him still?

40 replies

ohmyrainydays · 24/03/2013 23:03

Long story short. I have an ex from 12 years ago. I was only with him for a month and I dumped him because he was basically a control freak. Since then he's sporadically popped over my house and acts like he's my best friend. My most recent ex encouraged it because he felt sorry for him and felt he was harmless. I did get annoyed with him just turning up without being invited. Since I split up with my most recent ex he has been popping over more often. It had been nice to have someone to talk to to be honest.

A few weeks ago he asked if I wanted to have sex with him! Now I don't see him in that way at all,i've never ever given him any encouragement and he's never given even the slightest indication of this. I said no, in fact I was in such shock all I could say was no over and over again. If he had left it there it would have been ok. We could have forgotten all about it. However he followed me upstairs when I went to the toilet and asked if I was masturbating!

I kicked him out pretty sharpish. He sent me a message the next day saying hello sexy so I told him there'd never be anything between us and to leave me alone. He said he was sorry, didn't mean to hurt me and was only joking.

Since then he's left me well alone. Tonight he sends a message saying he's sorry, can't stop worrying about losing my friendship. I feel guilty now and don't know whether to reply or not.

So WIBU to continue to ignore him or should I forgive and forget?

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 24/03/2013 23:05

Block his number and never let him back in the house. He's a creep.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 24/03/2013 23:06

Do not reply, do not let him in your house.

lollilou · 24/03/2013 23:06

Do you like him as a friend? If not, drop him that's weird behaviour and I would worry it could escalate.

wannabeEostregoddess · 24/03/2013 23:07

Ignore. Your arsehole radar is going off with this guy. Listen to it.

WorraLiberty · 24/03/2013 23:09

Block him or change your phone number

He sounds quite creepy to be honest.

Who follows someone to the toilet to ask if they're masturbating after they've made it crystal clear, they don't want sex with them?

Original poster
ohmyrainydays · 24/03/2013 23:12

Sometimes he's good company but to be honest if he asked before just turning up i'd probably say no 99.9% of the time. I just feel bad that he might do something stupid. He said he has a lot to deal with at the moment and can't deal with me not speaking to him too.

OP posts:
Kleptronic · 24/03/2013 23:14

Ach, lose the bastard. It's not worth the 0.01% and you are not responsible for him.

MammaTJ · 24/03/2013 23:15

Still trying to control you then by guilting you in to talking to him. NO NO NO!! BLOCK HIS NUMBER and remember, he is an adult, he alone is responsible for how he handles that, not you!!

YouTheCat · 24/03/2013 23:15

Don't let him guilt trip you. He is vile and creepy.

Original poster
ohmyrainydays · 24/03/2013 23:16

I know it is creepy, the 1st bit would have been ok if i'd have said no and that had been that. But asking if I was masturbating freaked me right out.

OP posts:
wannabeEostregoddess · 24/03/2013 23:16

If he goes and throws himself off a bridge because you wont talk to him, that has NOTHING to do with you. You are not responsible for this guy.

WorraLiberty · 24/03/2013 23:19

So he's got a lot to deal with...that doesn't mean he's going to do something stupid.

That's quite a conclusion for you to jump to unless he has form for attempting suicide or something?

ChasedByBees · 24/03/2013 23:20

Yes, ignore and block! Ick.

Original poster
ohmyrainydays · 24/03/2013 23:23

I don't know where I got that from to be honest. He does suffer from depression but I don't think he's ever attempted suicide.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 24/03/2013 23:26

It's difficult to say as only you know him. If you get on well with him and you feel he is safe to be around then I can't see the harm in staying friends. I think you were right to be annoyed with his behaviour and to kick him out at the time. So if you feel inclined maybe you should give him another chance.

Original poster
ohmyrainydays · 24/03/2013 23:27

I don't feel like i'm in any danger with him. But then I never thought he'd do what he did.

OP posts:
candyandyoga · 24/03/2013 23:37

Why? Why are you putting up with this? I despair! No! Stop seeing him.

Original poster
ohmyrainydays · 24/03/2013 23:48

I'm not putting up with it anymore. I haven't contacted him since the message telling him to leave me alone. Now I've put my foot down i'm reluctant to let him back in my life.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/03/2013 23:51

Good - don't then.

He's a creep.

Original poster
ohmyrainydays · 25/03/2013 00:16

Ok I shall continue to ignore him. It is actually nice and peaceful without worrying he'll pop over.

OP posts:
quesadilla · 25/03/2013 01:11

No, he sounds a pervert who is borderline dangerous. Out of interest, was he like this when you dated him before? And why on earth did your other ex want you to be nice to him: sounds a very weird set-up.

Icelollycraving · 25/03/2013 01:19

He is a weirdo,you've got rid. Sorted.

Original poster
ohmyrainydays · 25/03/2013 01:54

He was strange when we were together, very controlling and possessive. My shortest relationship because i couldn't handle one more day with him.

I think my other ex feels sorry for him.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 25/03/2013 03:08

Weirdo. Him, not you.

Meet undemanding normal friends. He sounds like hard work.

And I'm glad when I started reading your thread it wasn't even more disastrous. Keep him away.

Inertia · 25/03/2013 06:55

Your other ex can be friends with him then.

The last person who should have free access to you and your home is a controlling ex who makes unwelcome sexual comments.

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