To have gone into my room and cried before I killed the aupair

[Newtothisstuff]

I've had the worst weekend in a long time !
DD1 has ASD and ADHD she has a strict list of no no's as in what she can and can't eat, the smallest thing on the donts list and she's the devils spawn !!
So I get in from work Friday and I can see just by looking at her she's had something, so I asked the aupair what she's had and "nothing" was the reply, so I asked DD and she said sweets after school !! Arghhh the aupair has been told time and time again about this, there's even a list stuck to the fridge of things to avoid and if we do she's fine.
So we've had the weekend from hell because of this.
I'm still moaning stick with me !
Then DD2 who is 10 months is crying for a drink so I get her sippy cup and go to give it a wash and find MOULD inside it, all in the bottom and all in the lid !! Apparently the aupair didn't realise it was mould !! WTF !! She could have harmed poor DD2 ! I was horrified !
I try not to get cross with the aupair she's 26 so not a kid she just seems to have ZERO common sense ! She's leaving in a few weeks thank goodness but my DH is ok nights, I'm 8 weeks pregnant, work full time and I'm shattered, so I've shut myself in my room for an angry cry.
Feel much better now

Maybe some child was giving them at school out for their birthday? (sweets not moldy sippy cups)

The simple truth of it is,if the au-pair is working the hours you say,that she was responsible for the sippy cup for 3 hours a day,5 days a week. You were responsible for it the rest of the week.So stop pushing all the blame on to her for that.

The sweets...yes.If they are banned,and she knows this,she should have stuck by that.

The childcare arrangements? If you have thought,at any stage during the last 5 months,that she was incapable of common sense (and it seems like you did),then it was your responsibility to cancel that arrangement and arrange proper childcare for your children.

Don't have a hissy fit because this is being pointed out to you.Take it on board,and learn from it...children need proper childcare.Take that into consideration when you are re-employing the next candidate.

if it was black in the sippycup, it's not mould. it's dirt on limescale.
it's not harmful, but it doesn't taste very nice.

I think you should have posted on Special Needs or the Childcare board, not in AIBU... if you were after support, rather than general comments.

DD1 sounds as though she is old enough to have some level of responsibility for what she puts in her mouth - how old is she? She may still be at that point where she is very into following rules, though on this occasion she choose not to follow the rule - so that may be seen as developmental progress.

Au-Pair should have known not to give DD1 anything on your list, as you have discussed it with your Au-Pair. So YANBU to be cross about it.

Your right Lisad we worked really hard on the triggers it was hard label reading at first but it second nature now ! It's obvious at first glance when she's had something she shouldn't.
She is absolutely fine 99% of the time you wouldn't be able to tell there's anything wrong.

I don't find any foods triggering tbh.

I'm still not clear:

Did the au pair actually confess to giving sweets or did DD just say it ?

OP, I feel your pain and if its any consolation I get things that tip me over the edge and I pay £29,O00 a year for a Nanny! I too picked up a cup filled with gunk from the cupboard last week. Nanny had emptied her bag and put it in the cupboard instead of dishwasher....arghhhhh....but these things happen. It can feel overwhelming working and juggling childcare staff so hope you feel better for venting.
As for the poster tat suggested you should look after your own kids, do piss off

No chocolate isn't an issue for us either ! Just anything with artificial colours, flavours and the dreaded E numbers, aspartame is her biggest trigger

Yes lisa. Same to you too.

Thanks gogo. Sooo wish I could afford a nanny.
I'd be hacked off with that too.
I hate having to juggle our shifts and have an aupair to make ends meet it's a nightmare but we get by !!

DH's cousin has autism and if she eats certain foods she gets various problems, both physical and behavioural. I always triple check labels on any food I give her and then usually check with her mum as well just in case. I'm shocked that an aupair would ignore that, especially if you've made it really clear what she can and can't have. Having said that, my DS2 has SN and I find other people can be quite blase about his various needs. DS1 has started going up to DS2's teachers and telling them what they are doing wrong. You can imagine how thrilled they are about that . I think you need to try a different form of childcare.

All sorts of things can be triggers and can also affect the bowels (children on the spectrum often seem to also have bowel issues, anyone else found that?). One child I know has improved greatly once gluten was removed from his diet. Another just the removal of the colourings was enough to get things more in control.

Everyone who is with the child needs to be following whatever has been put in place to help that child, so giving the child something they should not have is unacceptable. The au-pair should have known that.

Is there a language barrier OP?

Perhaps that's why she doesn't get the severity of giving sweets?

Re the sweets, if the mum has said the child is not to have them then thats what should happen,end of story.
Re the sippy cup, op if the au pair only works 3 hrs a day then really you are even more at fault than her because you should be washing it the other 9+ hours its in use per day. I think you know that too because you haven't mentioned it since people started pointing that out

I have a list stuck to the fridge so she knows what's not allowed.
She said she's a child, children eat sweets !! That was after the 3rd time I'd sat her down and discussed it !
Anyway, you've all been great. I'm off downstairs to turn all the lights off and the tv as the aupairs gone to bed leaving the house looking like Blackpool illuminations ! Can't get the staff these days

newtothisstuff you sound like you have a lot to deal with , hope the venting hasn't made you feel worse :(

Oh no Lisad what a nightmare ! It's hard when they are out of routine. I feel your pain !! Dd1 goes to her dads during the school holidays its a nightmare when she comes home for weeks afterwards

Hi OP. I just wanted to add to what some of the posters have written. The way in which other, down right nasty posters have jumped on you and given you a virtual kicking has been awful.

You and your partner know your children best. The Au Pair is going soon. The mould in the cup is sorted, no harm done. I remember so vividly the sheer exhaustion in the first three months of pregnancy. I can't believe how so many posters seem to have lost the ability to empathise.

I wish you a peaceful, restful night.

Some people are absolutely vile on this thread.

Surely to christ a 26 year old woman should understand, after being told several times, that giving sweets is out of order, given how the child reacts?

And why should the carer be qualified? It's very rare that someone's qualified to deal with specific special needs before having a child that suffers from it - should those children be taken from their parents?

Why is the reaction to employing someone always, "It's your fault for employing someone"? Would a man receive the same reaction?