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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell DH to get the f**k over himself

28 replies

phantomhairpuller · 24/03/2013 20:14

DH is 30 on Friday. I've organised a surprise party for the Saturday. I believe he genuinely knows nothing about the party and thinks no-one is making much effort over his bday.
We moved 40mins away from our 'hometown' last year. Party is being held in our hometown. It makes it easier for the majority of guests this way.
Immediate family are coming to us on the Friday and we're going for lunch. DH stated, in a very arrogant and childish manner that he's not going anywhere for the rest of his bday weekend and if people want to see him they can come to us. He is being so stubborn on this one it is actually making me dislike him a lot! I'm 8 months pregnant and have had enough hassle organising the bloody party in the 1st place. The bloke doing the music pulled out yesterday so I'm now having to reorganise that as well as chase up so called friends about their plans to attend.
Right now I feel like telling DH all about the party and how he can shove the whole thing up his arse Confused
I'm not even sure if this has made much sense but it feels better having got it out of my system! AIBU or is DH behaving like a spoilt brat?!

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 24/03/2013 20:17

Tell him. Childish fool.

Alizzle · 24/03/2013 20:17

yanbu. he's being a bit of an idiot and will probably feel bad when he discovers the party.

slipshodsibyl · 24/03/2013 20:18

Tell him about the party. Surprise parties are a terrible idea.

YouTheCat · 24/03/2013 20:18

He's being a bit bratty tbh.

slipshodsibyl · 24/03/2013 20:19

If he hasn't been told how can you blame h

DoeEyedBeauties · 24/03/2013 20:20

Both, I think.
You put a lot of effort in, pregnant no less, and it is a stressful thing to do. So I understand where you are coming from. But as he doesn't know what you have done (yet) he is probably just acting that way because he's turning 30, you know, the whole I'm old mentality that birthdays bring on (and impending fatherhood is probably stressing him out too).

Keep calm and know that once he has the party, fingers crossed he will be appreciative or at least polite, but if he isn't you have to remember, it was your idea to have the party.

musickeepsmesane · 24/03/2013 20:21

I predict grovelling and pressies in your future, meanwhile Flowers

slipshodsibyl · 24/03/2013 20:21

If he hasn't been told how can you blame him for wanting a quiet weekend? Organise his party properly, with his knowledge and co operation in an adult fashion so that he can look forward to it and prepare himself as he he would wish.

Yama · 24/03/2013 20:22

Just trying to put myself in everyone's shoes:

I may or may not feel like going anywhere om my birthday weekend.

However, your being 8 months pregnant trumps his birthday.

Just tell him.

Original poster
phantomhairpuller · 24/03/2013 20:23

I agree to some extent doe, I'd be bloody foul if I thought everyone had forgotten my birthday! It's just so frustrating! And tbh I'm a bit annoyed that he actually thinks we would all forget Confused

OP posts:
NorksAreMessy · 24/03/2013 20:24

Why not just tell him about the party and then he can have the fun of anticipation and can stop thinking people have forgotten about him.

Yama · 24/03/2013 20:25

Actually Slipshod said it better than me.

NorksAreMessy · 24/03/2013 20:25

X post with most of mumsnet!

LineRunnyEgg · 24/03/2013 20:25

Tell him.

Branleuse · 24/03/2013 20:25

tell him

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 24/03/2013 20:28

If this was my DH, I would say 'look, I'm up to something, now can you a)not ask questions and b) do as you're bloody told without bitching!'

dreamingbohemian · 24/03/2013 20:28

Oh god, just tell him

I spent the week before my 25th in a total grump because all my friends were 'busy' that weekend, I felt like the biggest loser in the world. Turns out my boyfriend had organised a surprise party. It was fun but not at all worth that week of feeling like no one could be bothered.

b4bunnies · 24/03/2013 20:37

tell him he can stay in if he likes but you're going to his birthday party.

Snazzynewyear · 24/03/2013 20:48

I like TooExtraImmatureCheddar's line

Hassled · 24/03/2013 20:51

What ImmatureCheddar said - tell him enough that he knows he's not been forgotten and he needs to start acting, you know, like he's nearly 30, but not enough that there's no element of surprise.

Chiggers · 24/03/2013 20:53

Don't blame him for wanting a quiet one. My mum went ahead and arranged a party for my 30th despite me telling her that I was intending to have a bath, get into my PJ's and watch some telly before having an early night. No thought about what I wanted to do and the idea of staying in for a quiet one was totally disregarded.

My 30th birthday is one I'd rather forget TBH.

Original poster
phantomhairpuller · 24/03/2013 20:57

Ah yes chiggers, but he told me months ago he wanted a party! I can't win! Am thinking I'll just tell him. I can't be arsed with the sneaking around any more Wink

OP posts:
moonabove · 24/03/2013 20:59

Yeah, tell him. He'll either be embarrassed and grovelling/chuffed or if he really hates the idea you can cancel the whole thing and relax. Wink

HildaOgden · 24/03/2013 21:03

Or else just tell him you have a special suprise lined up for him on Friday,he's going to love it so he needs to get bloody cheerful or he's not getting it.

Tell him you'll need to blindfold him,put him in the car and drive him to a secret venue I'm getting totally carried away here

alcibiades · 24/03/2013 21:12

This is why secret parties are rarely a good idea. Umpteen-percent of people hate them, and a different umpteen-percent love them. But there's a different umpteen-percent of people who'd love a secret party, as long as they know there's a secret party being organised.

Always, the best thing to do is to give a hint to the birthdayee, that there are plans afoot. That gives the haters the chance to leave the country, but for the lovers to experience that frisson of excitement until the big reveal.