To be a bit careful when making conversation with clients?

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I told this to a friend of mine who is also a cleaner and she thought I was ridiculous, so I thought I'd ask you fine people.

I have this idea that I should never comment on the possessions/things I see in someone's home when I'm cleaning. I mean, I sometimes say "I really love this conservatory... I can see why you like to spend time in here" or something like that. I mean that I try not to talk about their possessions.

I try not to notice their things, beyond the amount of attention it takes to clean them. Obviously, I find myself idly wondering about the people in photos frames I'm dusting, or things like that. I just try not to dwell on them to any real extent. A couple of days ago, I was dusting a family photo and I realized there was an extra child in a few of them (looked very much like a sibling and the photos were all a few years old) and found myself wondering where the fourth child had gone and then pushed the thoughts out of my mind. It's none of my business. My friend, on the other hand, said that she would maybe ask about it. "I recognize Sue, Mark, and Billy, but who is that little girl?"

Not only do I think the answer may be awkward, I also am just hesitant to ever reveal that I notice and think about the contents of their homes. There have been times I have been too tempted to resist. Once was when I saw a framed certificate signed by King Edward along with the OBE medal... I asked the lady of the house if that was her father's honour and she happily talked about it. I justified this to myself by saying that she had clearly meant to show it off.

Another time, though... I was just cheeky. I noticed a book on a nightstand that I had just read, myself, and really enjoyed and wanted to ask what she thought of it. She was very happy to discuss it with me but I still think that I was wrong to do that. The temptation was just too great!

Anyway, what would you say about someone like a cleaner (or any similar trade) commenting on things like that?

Oh, I wanted to add that I changed any potential identifying information in my paragraph about the family photo (number of children, children's names) above.

If i had a cleaner then i wouldn't mind them commenting on certain things (eg my cat ornaments, yes sad i know, or my photos) as long as it was in a positive way.

Euphemia, did what, exactly?

Things on public display - not sure I'd have an issue with that mostly, but questions about additional/missing children is way, way, way too personal.

I wouldn't even expect my friends to ask questions that intrusive, tbh.

Jesus, you're human too, you make it sound like 'Upstairs Downstairs'!

Katy, you sound professional and as though you are respecting their personal boundaries. I would very much like that in a cleaner. Over interest in furniture and possessions would likely make me suspicious of thefts.
On the other hand I wouldn't like your friend in my house to clean, I would think she was nosy and unprofessional.
I am laid back honest, but when it comes to trusting strangers in your house, I think there is a way to behave.

Sounds like you're trying to be professional, avoiding being intrusive or judgmental (easy to do accidentally if making a comment about possessions of your clients). Essentially you're working in someone elses personal space so I think I'd behave similarly.

Latara, the reason I wouldn't compliment your cat ornaments is that it would carry with it the implication that I have the right to judge your taste. If I like one thing, then it stands to reason that I may not like something else. That is unacceptable, IMO.

(Obviously, I do judge some things. I mean, I mostly don't give a crap and just carry on oblivious to anything but the work at hand, but of COURSE I have opinions about people's tastes. I just don't think I have the right to state these opinions - good or bad - to a client.)

No i wouldn't ask. if they want to tell me they will. Might really upset the person. Just keep chit chat general about the weather etc.

don't think there is any thing wrong with a comment like 'love your colour scheme etc"

You sound great Katy- very professional and considerate and aware of boundaries.

There are similar issues in my field of work- disability- where people have Personal Assistants. I went to a meeting once where the PA was not introduced/ acknowledged by the rest of us but on reflection she was not part of the meeting IYSWIM.

MrsDoomPatterson I think a lot of the odd conventions of "Upstairs/Downstairs" were based on trying to be comfortable with employees in your close, personal space. It looks bizarre and horrid to see servants turn their faces to the wall if they can't avoid encountering their employers, but I actually understand the reasoning behind it.

I don't do anything like that extreme. But, I do try to make sure that my presence in their home is as stress-free as possible for my clients. I've heard many people say they'd love to hire a cleaner but are afraid of being judged, being robbed, being intruded upon... normal feelings, really. I try not to give any reason to feel uncomfortable when I'm in the home.

I think best do what hairdressers do and stick to neutral subjects like holidays unless the owner starts the conversation.

To have a virtual stranger in your home handling your private possessions is one thing if you choose it but for them to pass comment is a bit uncomfortable. If you became friendly and both at ease like good acquaintances then it would be ok.

Chatty is fine. I would want a cleaner who is friendly. I wouldn't ask about photos though if I WAS the actual cleaner, no. Definitely not. But a book that I had just read? Yes, I would mention it. There's nothing like common ground to break the ice. BUT - the best thing you can do if you have a cleaner is to not be home when they are there! So much easier!

I wasn't always good/aware of boundaries. I had a bizarre experience years ago that sort of made an impression on me:

I used to work at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. I had a BA in Art History and it was my first job after graduating. My job was to help make proposals asking major corporations to sponsor exhibitions. One exhibition was going to feature an African American artist from the early 1900's and I had to get slides from the curator to use the images in the proposal.

So, the curator was showing me some of the images and I said "Oh! That's a quotation of one of Michelangelo's Medici tombs in Florence!" (It was an etching of a nude Black woman reclining, but her figure and pose were identical to this:
www.lessing-photo.com/dispimg.asp?i=40071110+&cr=5&cl=1 )

The curator sort of harrumphed and muttered that he didn't think so and I said "Oh, but look at her pose, her forehead on her hand and her muscular figure..." and he just muttered that he was busy and I went away.

The next day, my supervisor sat me down and told me that I was NOT to opine on the art with the curators any more. He was not pleased to be "lectured" (as he put it) by a mere admin assist with a Bachelor's degree.

I always thought he was an insecure jerk and a moron until years later I spoke to a woman who had been a secretary to high-ranking CEO's, for years. She said that she would never, ever do anything like that. She said that it was just common sense, that it wasn't my place to do that, and why did I think otherwise?

I still think he was an insecure twat, but I also realize that she was right. Just because I was right about the picture and he was a twat doesn't change anything: sometimes it's not my place to open my mouth. Period.

It bothers me a little but that's really the way it is.

The one area where I do assert myself is my price. I am more expensive than most local cleaners and maybe that's arrogant, but that's one thing that I won't budge on. I may be a cleaner, but I'm not a subservient drudge.

So they wanted someone who had no interest or knowledge in the subject, or no confidence and self assurance. Idiots.
Iykwim about the cleaning. If I have left a book downstairs then I'd be happy for a friend to comment on it. If I'm reading Jordan's autobiography I'd probably shove it under my bed so a friend wouldn't see it. As a cleaner, you would, and so it would be overstepping boundaries slightly. Think it's all context and relates to the indicidual client. Some people don't care about privacy. I'm not one and I'm convinced it relates to having siblings!

I think that sounds like a professional attitude to have, very respectful.

Personally, I'd feel uncomfortable if a cleaner commented on my possessions a lot, or asked questions about them. It would feel a bit intrusive to me.

General chat about neutral subjects wouldn't bother me.

Oh, I chat a lot! I talk about whatever they want to talk about. I just don't talk about their things or what I see when I'm cleaning.

Here's a tricky one: if I clean something they might not notice (like dusting the tops of their bedroom wardrobe units) I want to tell them what I've done so they know what I've done with my time. I try to think of ways to say "There was an inch of dust up there and I climbed a step stool and hoovered it all!" without there being any implied judgement over how dusty they were. . I also sometimes have to resist the urge to show them the dirty cloths after cleaning grott off of something. "Lookit all the dirt I got!"

Sometimes I am better at this than others.

I am definitely on warmer, friendlier terms with some clients than others. Some of them I just love to bits. But, I let them take the lead.

YANBU - maintaining a professional distance is never a bad thing.

Some clients might not mind, but others might.

you sound very discreet, katy the cleaning lady, and I should imagine that is what people want in a cleaner (as well as the ability to clean effectively, of course).

Oh you sound wonderful Katie..! Commenting on books etc is (to me) general chit-chat, whereas mentioning the extra child in the photos might open up a whole set of emotions that your client did not want disturbed.
Re: the tops of wardrobes etc, I think that a general comment along the lines of "I dusted the tops of the wardrobes while I was doing the bedroom today" wouldn't sound judgey but would let people know how you had used your time (but adding "You should have seen the dust up there!" would be going over the top) .

Kate, I would love you to come and clean my house. We could have some fabulous conversations. And I don't mean about the dust/dirt in my home, but about your knowledge.

I wish you would come and clean for me. My former cleaning lady was terribly over familiar and it got quite uncomfortable. She once commented on a photo of my late mother and I, about how similar we looked, and it quite upset me. You are absolutely right not to comment on photos.

I have a new cleaning lady now. At first it was fine but then the other week she turned up with an expensive present for dd and I found myself thinking "oh no! Here we go again"

I think you are quite right not to comment on the photos. Whatever the answer is it's going to be personal and probably painful and possibly intrusive.

And I also agree about not saying 'ooh this must be worth a few bob' or 'my mum bought me one of those. I binned it as soon as she went home' type comments.

No harm in the odd passing pleasantry. If they want a little chat they will, if not they won't.

And some things like the certificate. people usually love to talk about that sort of thing and maybe don't get the chance very often. when it's a happy or proud thing I can't see the tiniest bit of harm.

As said, it's not upstairs downstairs, you're just two people in the same space. Just like passing the time of day with someone at the desk opposite.