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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have such a strong reaction to this advert for cancer?

176 replies

FarleyD · 23/03/2013 13:53

I'm talking about the advert where people throw insults around, eg there's a little girl saying "you make me sick", someone else saying "cancer you twat", someone saying "we're going to get you" etc.

I don't watch much tv, and adverts barely register on my radar. I'm suprised at the strength of my reaction to this ad. I don't know what it is about it but it almost makes me feel queasy. Maybe it's the fact that the ad suggests the power is in our hands to "fight" this pernicious disease. It just doesn't sit right with me.

Does anyone else feel this way? Can anyone explain why I feel like this?! And aibu?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/03/2013 18:59

Other than not smoking, keeping a good diet and weight, exercise and light to moderate drinking, there isn't a whole hell of a lot you can do about it.

Spottyblancmange · 23/03/2013 19:01

I think saying CAMHS made it sound like her kids needed the treatment, because as far as I know they don't treat adults.

However, whilst I agree fear of cancer isn't necessarily irrational, I do agree with expat that waking up at night and fear is something counsellors are there to help with.

EggyFucker · 23/03/2013 19:02

totally agree, spero

EchoBitch · 23/03/2013 19:05

But if Shelley's Granny died of cancer then maybe it isn't so irrational for her to worry about it.

It is a reality for her,just like it is for my DC after their Grandma died from it unexpectedly last year.

We had three weeks from diagnosis to my Mum's death.

Now their Dad has it.

I don't know how long ago Shelley's Granny died but it's not irrational to worry.

Spero · 23/03/2013 19:05

I think this personification of cancer is encouraging fears about it, which just aren't present for any other illness or disease. I don't know of anyone who wakes up in the night, worried they will have a stroke or get hit by a car - but I know loads who are scared they will get cancer.

Spero · 23/03/2013 19:07

Perhaps because you can look and feel so well with a cancerous tumour? Is that what makes it different? The only thing that's made me feel ill with breast cancer so far is the chemo.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2013 19:22

'Is that what makes it different?'

I don't know, because plenty appear just fine before having a heart attack or stroke, and, as you know, far more people die from both those than cancer.

Writehand · 23/03/2013 19:22

My DH died of cancer, and one of the things we both found distressing and offensive was the commonly used phrase that someone "fought valiantly" against cancer. The whole concept really bothered us. We hated it. I hate the advert the OP mentioned too. The difference is that I know why.

The idea that cancer is something the patient or the family fights against is deeply misguided. Because if cancer is a battle, then death is defeat. You can't fight a terminal malignancy. If it's a battle and it kills you then the obvious conclusion is that you simply didn't fight hard enough. for your kids, for your widow... Which is a wicked thing to say.

My DH died almost exactly a year after diagnosis. He looked appalling and, God, he suffered. He was terminally ill, not a flippin' soldier. He didn't "fight" the cancer any more than people fight arthritis, or heart attacks or epilepsy. It's an illness, not a war.

I think that may be the unexpressed feeling of the OP. And, if so, she's being far from U.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2013 19:25

Here, here, Write!

mrsbungle · 23/03/2013 19:34

Well said write

it's an illness not a war has summed it up for me. That's why I really don't like the advert.

FrameyMcFrame · 23/03/2013 19:45

I agree, it's horrible.
I don't know about this particular charity but a lot of cancer charities spend an enormous amount of the money they are given on 'raising awareness' rather than actual medical research.

Also pitifully little amounts of the money raised gets spent on researching treatments for late stage cancer... a lot is spent on screening which has been proved not to make the huge difference they had hoped. Especially in breast cancer.

likesnowflakesinanocean · 23/03/2013 19:51

My died of cancer at the age of 45, In november last year. I hate this advert with a passion. It makes me cry every time it comes on. Yes i want to stamp my feet and swear at it but ultimately, it isnt a fight. and it isnt one that my mum could ever of won it completely changed her she literally changed before our eyes. Her death was horrible and completely unavoidable in the sense that it was not because she didnt want to fight. swearing about cancer wont beat it but research could one day.

likesnowflakesinanocean · 23/03/2013 19:52

i was so busy ranting i forgot to write mum

whiteandyellowiris · 23/03/2013 19:58
firesidechat · 23/03/2013 19:59

Doesn't pretty much everyone who's lost someone to cancer worry about getting it? I think I also have guilt about having smoked for 10 yrs (7 years smoke free now). I can't be the only one.

I'm not scared of cancer because, apart from some of the things that expat mentioned, it's not something I can control. I might get it, I might not and, with my family history, I'm more likely to die of a stroke. I do not want to die before my 3 score and 10, but I don't worry about it either.

My mum had cancer about 30 years ago, was treated and has been fine since.

A lovely friend died of cancer last year.

Another friend diagnosed last year.

Husband has just had second lot of cancer (same type).

I know it's easy to say, but being afraid would be a waste of energy at the moment. Maybe we've lived with it for too long to be scared of it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 23/03/2013 20:03

I like it. but then I'm quite aggressive when I want something so could relate to the message.

whiteandyellowiris · 23/03/2013 20:06

neo, we are all aggressive, when we want something, esp surival, its our most basic rawest drive possible, people will kill others to survive.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2013 20:08

Wow. I really wanted my daughter to live. And the fact is no matter how aggressively she was treated, she still died.

domesticslattern · 23/03/2013 20:08

I haven't seen the TV ad but I have seen the 'cancer we're coming to whip your ass' (or whatever the exact words are) print ad. I saw it in fact coming back from cleaning the home of a friend with cancer. My first thought was what a crude, silly ad it was, and how dignified my friend is. I loathe the fighting/ brave/ hero vocab around cancer, and this ad seriously puts me off donating. So, OP you're not the only one!

EchoBitch · 23/03/2013 20:13

I'm scared of getting it.

Delatron · 23/03/2013 20:21

Have had breast cancer and am at the moment I'm ok. There was no battle, no fighting. I did my treatment and now I am crossing my fingers and will be for the rest of my life.

I hate this advert, as someone posted earlier, it belittles cancer, portrays it as some annoying thing that if we all shout and swear then we will find a cure? What rubbish. I did like the falling down advert as that portrays how being diagnosed with cancer is for the individual and all their loved ones.

Everyone who has had cancer seems to hate the 'battle' terminology, it is lazy journalism, it is the phrase consistently rolled out. If I die of cancer I will make sure nobody utters the words 'she lost her battle'!

Anyway, the cure seems elusive, more and more people are getting cancer, at earlier ages. We should be angry but I would like to see more research in to the reasons WHY 1 in 3 and soon 1 in 2 of us will be diagnosed in our lifetime.

IceBergJam · 23/03/2013 20:22

Hate hate hate that advert. You either pulled the short straw and die from it, or you got lucky and survived.

Having lost a large number of family members to it, and had a few survived, it is purely about timing and luck to me.

firesidechat · 23/03/2013 20:25

I'm scared of getting it.

Most people probably would be and I probably should be. Perhaps when I'm less tired and have stopped worrying about husband I will get back to scared again.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2013 20:26

I'd like to see more gene-therapy, genetics research. My daughter's cancer had very complex genetics. She had a particular mutation within AML that affects only 12% of paed AMLs, which account for 20% of all leukaemia in childhood. But although this mutation, FLT3, is the most common in adults, it behaves very differently in paeds and confers an absolutely appalling OS of just 19% with successful stem cell transplant (it is not curable with chemo alone).

No 'battle'. Just a horrific illness caused by genetic defects we have yet to understand.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2013 20:30

Similarly, in ALL, there are certain mutations known to confer high-risk, lower survival as is being a teenager. Why? The answer, of course, lies in further genetics research and better treatment does, too.

Our daughter died cancer-free, of the treatment. She was able to donate to a worldwide database 500mL of her own, cancer-free bone marrow which will, in a lab, produce her lethal form of cancer fairly quickly, as it is not curable with chemo. Hopefully, as the sample can be frozen indefinitely and only a small amount is needed at a time, one day we can understand it better.

But it is a lloooonnngg time away. Due to the incredibly high relapse risk associated with it, as we don't fully understand what is wrong genetically, treatment for her type of leukaemia has advanced very little in the past few decades.

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