To ask for one, simple, summary about all the angry SAHM threads.

[catinboots]

Pleaseeee??

I haven't read them all - but there seem to be lots of SAHMs on here today, moaning that they won't eat help with child are costs.

Eh?

Have I missed some key piece of information? Have a got it wrong?

Surely the whole point of being a SAHP is so that you don't need childcare?..

If I wasn't so tired and full of cold I'd spend more time writing a detailed reply.

But weewifey, as I andante others said up thread; great for you that you stay at home. Great for you that you believe that's the best thing for your kids.

However, me and many others don't stay at home and don't necessarily believe it is the ultimate perfect option for our DCs.

But many of us, both SAHPs and WOHPs understand that life is very different for different people. Not everybody has the same beliefs/values/opinions/choices/options

All I hope is that my DCs don't grow up with the narrow sentiment that you appear to live your life by - "hey I've made my life choices and its the best thing for me so every other fucker that does something different must be in the wrong"

Good grief I'd feel I'd failed as a parent if that's how my boys turn out to think.

Oh weewifey- give over. WOHM are not saying they are doing something 'better'. I don't think my children will turn out 'better' because I work. Neither do I think they will turn out 'worse'. My decision to work is because I enjoy my career, it adds another dimension to my life and I enjoy the salary and pension too (now I'm no longer spending all my income on nursery!)
You don't want to work- fine. It doesn't make your children any better than mine. Not does it make mine any better than yours. Now-why not take the advice above and find another thread to gripe on.

I truly believe that the majority of us make an equal contribution whether we go out to work or stay at home. Society needs there to be those who contribute by paying taxes and those who contribute in other ways by volunteering their time.

Of course there are those who don't contribute in either fashion - some choose to sit at home doing little, often benefitting neither the community or their own families. There are those who work very hard and manage to avoid or evade contributing through 'careful' accounting.

However, we should all have a choice about how we contribute. However, most don't have the luxury of making a choice and this policy does little to help. It doesn't provide nearly enough help to those who want to work but find that work doesn't pay and contradicts the government's own rhetoric.

Did you miss the bit where I said it would be ridiculous for a wohp to do the same? Obviously they don't have time. I also said that what I do is not altruistic but designed to make me more marketable when seeking a job. So not ironic actually.

Of course it's a generalisation - such is the nature of debate. I equally knew loads of lazy twats who browsed the Internet all day when I worked in fundraising for national charities.

Nope. I had no problem with my choice to use childcare. My dc's hated holiday clubs and I told them that they had to get on with it because I had to work, and it was only 20 hours a week. It was easier to leave them with a childminder when they were younger. As they got older, they wanted to be at home during holidays not with a cm or in a holiday club. Pesky preteens and their opinions! Having worked and used daycare and been a sahm, how on earth is it wrong for me to state that I believe most kids are happier at home with their own parents? This is what I believe, just as many wohm's believe that working is better all round for them and theirs.
Has it honestly become a deeply controversial opinion to believe that most children are better off with a sahp if one is available, wants to do it and can afford it?

I'm annoyed I got wound up enough to post that last post, I think weewifey is being deliberately antagonistic and narrow minded tbh.

I never hear all this wohm vs sahm in real life though

Always makes me fucking ARF when you get the competitive-busy SAHMs vs WOHMs having a heated debated on here, on a Wednesday afternoon about how neither of them has got time to brush their hair.

Really?

Dudes?

Turn off the t'internet

Partridge- I think 'having the time' is a very subjective concept. I know a few WOHP who do masses as well as hold down a job: volunteering , siting on committees, school governance..
I am totally with you that these contributions should be valued by society (though frankly a well done from David Cameron wouldn't mean much to me). I just dont agree that SAHP should be singled out for some special congratulations as if they have a monopoly on all these things.
And surely, one of the biggest contributions is raising well adjusted children and we do that whether we work or not.

lol@ someone being narrow minded because they have an alternative view of the world.
Viva la difference!
At least I didn't stoop to name calling, unlike several other posters.
Same old Mumsnet.

If you are over 40 and had your children young morethan the chances are that like me you probably had a small mortgage to start with.
Good for you (and me) but lets not kid ourselves that the situation is the same now or its our clever budgeting that has allowed us to pay off our mortgages early. The economic situation is very different ( yep I do remember high interest rates)and I have no doubt that if I was having DC now I would be in a very different financial situation to the one I fortunately find myself in. I would be struggling to even get on the housing ladder let alone have paid off the mortgage on this house.

I'm a sahm and I think it's a good scheme in principal personally don't think that people earning £150,000 need help with child care.

I chose to be a sahm but if I wanted to go back to my job child care costs would have meant I was working for nothing so it would be a great help.

My dp and dd value me so George Osborne'sdosser opinion doesn't mean shit to me. It does sort of bother me that because I'm mid twenties but look younger people pressume I'm on benefits we qualify for cb (don't think I'm entitled to anything apart from nhs and other universally available services) I left a management job to be a sahm and will work when dd starts school.

As for the sahm vs wohm debate we are doing the best we can for our children so what does it matter what the other does.

janey

Can't argue with the last comment. In fairness though I do hear alot of wohms stating that sahm's aren't contributing to society. Now I can see how this would piss somebody off, tbh. Sahp's contribute to society the same as wohp's they just don't work and pay income tax, but that's not the be all and end all. You are not saintly and better than everyone else because you work.

that's general not specific

Weewify - I have worked full time, part time and not at all when on maternity leave. But i don't claim to know whats best for other peoples children. You do. That's the controversial issue. Not whether women work or not. That's the crucial point you're missing.
You've explained that you carried on working even when your childcare arrangements didnt suit your children- which perhaps explains your anger and bitterness and your desire to denigrate other parents
But please dont assume we have all made the Same mistakes you did. That's all.

Yes you are clearly the bigger person for not calling a cunt a cunt weewifey

I was a stay at home for several years, loved being with my kids, who are (lovely) grown men. Did NOT love being financially dependant on my EX. CB was my only money too, and was spent on essentials while his was mostly spent on beer. I could not work due to child care costs.

The gov want us in work at the moment, so we pay tax. Just like after the war they removed state child care so we couldn't work.

And it wouldn't matter which party was in power.
It's a deliberate economic policy

I' meant George Osborne but it seemed to merge with tosser

But his comment was not aimed at wohp. A wohp contribution can be constantly evaluated via salary, appraisals or a kind word from the boss.

I certainly didn't have the same insecurities when I worked. Now my bosses are my kids - so shoot me if I don't like the implication that I am not working hard and getting on from the gov.

And Janey there is nothing subjective about the fact that if I worked full time I would not have time to do two whole days volunteering.

anotheryear

My point exactly, yes house prices are more now, but paying 15.5% interest on mortgage on a min wage before tax credits was no easy thing. We managed though because it was important to us. I can't understand why people need 2 incomes for the bare necessities. It must fund luxuries, second car, bigger houses, expensive area for better catchment for schools etc. This is fair enough but then people tell you they need to work, when clearly not all of them do.
I think society in general has lost the ability to distinguish between need and want.

Posted too soon. My point being (as a mum who has stayed at home and worked) that this is being set up to manipulate and devide women. We're all mums, whatever choices we make should be valued and supported by society. Not make one group the goody and one the baddy!

And Osbourne is a tosser.

Cuts both ways though partridge.... Your children still love you when you look a mess, the house is a tip and you roll up late for playgroup. Your boss on the other hand, won't love you unless you deliver!

Seriously though- I think being a parent is bloody hard work, I'm not denying it. But I am still confused by this 'recognition' that some SAHP seem to want specifically for being a SAHP. There are so many valuable contributions which so many of us make. I don't get what it is that SAHP want- other than the validation they will feel for doing what they feel is right for their own family

Oh dear you dont seem to understand that the vast majority of people with young children are working just to pay the bills,mortgage and provide food.
Barely scraping by. Because house prices are higher,because petrol and utility bills have rocketed,becuase food prices are almost twice what they were 5 years ago.
Redundancy,houses repossessed...

I actually don't think this is (or should be) a SAHM vs WOHM debate. I think most MOHM would be happy to see measures that made it easier for parents to make the choice to have one parent stay at home. I know I would like to feel there was support that gave people that choice as I do think childcare should be valued.

what I object to is SAHM's being upset because they don't getmore financial support with out of the home childcare. ffs the whole point is you have decided to stay at home and therefore you don't need childcare.

(and those saying they need it for job hunting - I had to hunt for a job whilst on maternity leave, as my old one wasn't going to be compatible with part time working. this meant I spent all my evenings / nap times busy on my CV / application forms, and DH made sure he was available to cover interviews. it was tiring and took a lot of committment, but I know you don't need to put your child in nursery just to job hunt.)