Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that DH has gone out while kids and i are ill?

37 replies

princessj29 · 21/03/2013 20:55

I have chronic sinusitis which is making my head feel like it's going to explode. I also have a temperature of 40 as well as fluid on my middle ear which is making me dizzy and sick. Saw doctor yesterday and she said I'm not getting better because I don't get any rest. I usually co sleep with our baby but can't tonight because of my temperature. She has a bad cold and wakes about ten minutes after I put her down. I feel so dizzy that I barely feel safe to hold/rock/feed her. 5 year old has a temperature and what seems like the beginning of a sickness bug. She's been up 4 times already. Despite seeing how terrible the three of us feel, DH has gone out. He has a cold and has text to say he'll stay at his friends house so he doesn't wake us with his sneezing...! He added that he won't go out tomorrow like he had planned though. However, 5 ye old is at her dads tomorrow and baby is breastfed and has never been seen to by him at night so he may as well go out as he'll be no help to me. AIBU to think he should have stayed/should come home tonight?

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 21/03/2013 20:59

Yes of course YANBU. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

Smartiepants79 · 21/03/2013 21:02

Why has he gone? Work? Just cos?
I'd be pretty ticked off it was me.
You could have done with some back up, looking after the older one.
How old is the baby?

olivertheoctopus · 21/03/2013 21:02

^this^

Fairenuff · 21/03/2013 21:02

Or should that be No, YANBU? Either way, he sounds selfish and horrible.

olivertheoctopus · 21/03/2013 21:02

Sorry, what fairienuff said

rubyslippers · 21/03/2013 21:03

of course he should have stayed at home

unless it was work and v v v important

and cannot believe he is staying out all ngiht

you need to tell him to get his arse back home and share the load

Original poster
princessj29 · 21/03/2013 21:04

Nothing tonight - I just need to concentrate on getting through the hell tonight I'd going to be! The fact that he said he'll stay in tomorrow like he's doing me a favour - when actually he'll be snoring while I sort baby/throw up all night - has made me furious though.

OP posts:
Original poster
princessj29 · 21/03/2013 21:05

6 months. It's a work night out - not a rarity or special occasion.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 21/03/2013 21:06

Why are you doing nothing about it? I don't understand why you don't just phone him and tell him to get his lazy arse back home and help out Confused

LeChatRouge · 21/03/2013 21:06

I would gather all equipment you need and snuggle down in your bed together. Drinks, medicines, bowl for daughter, tissues. I prefer being left alone whilst I'm ill, but if you really think he could be of any help, text back saying you are feeling worse and could do with him holding baby so you can get couple hours sleep.

Did the doc give you antibiotics?

MortifiedAdams · 21/03/2013 21:09

As soon as he gets.in tomorrow,get yourself in the bath. Feed the LO as soon as you get outand then make your way to bed with instructions not to disturb for 24 hours unless its for a breastfeed.

Get yourself well. You are no good to.anybody this run.down

Thisus all.relative though - youd be within your rights to never let him across the threshold again.

Original poster
princessj29 · 21/03/2013 21:13

My temperature is so high I'm worried I'll make baby overheat if we bed share as she's usually attached to my boobs all night. He's drunk now so no use. Have got antibiotics but not working yet.

OP posts:
SweetSeraphim · 21/03/2013 21:15

Wow. The selfish shit.

I'm flabbergasted tbh.

EggyFucker · 21/03/2013 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ScottyDoc · 21/03/2013 21:21

Some of the slightly nasty comments need to stop for a start.

You're very ill, and yes he is being a selfish arse, so he will be making it up to you tomorrow and this weekend. Take tonight as it comes and expect the worst. I'm in a similar position to you myself so y

ScottyDoc · 21/03/2013 21:22

ou have my full sympathies. Get to bed ASAP and sleep with a light cover. Thanks

Original poster
princessj29 · 21/03/2013 21:25

He won't be making it up - he actually thinks he's doing me a favour!

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 21/03/2013 21:25

There is something very wrong in your relationship if your dh thinks it's ok to treat you like this. Making up for it tomorrow is not good enough. He knew before he went out that he was being selfish and totally uncaring. But he still went anyway.

fedupandtired · 21/03/2013 21:26

Did you tell him you didn't want him to go out? Obviously he should have known you didn't but sometimes you do have to point out the obvious.

EggyFucker · 21/03/2013 21:30

What is the point of whinging on here when a shitty bunch of flowers from the petrol station and a lacklustre "sorry" (he will make it up to you....how, by cutting his own nuts off/having a frontal lobe transplant/going to live in Outer Mongolia?) will make you conclude he's a good father really and the cycle turns again ?

SweetSeraphim · 21/03/2013 21:31

He doesn't think he's doing you a favour! He just can't be arsed looking after ill people!

ScottyDoc · 21/03/2013 21:35

Eggyfucker. Do calm the fuck down for your own benefit. Seriously.

EggyFucker · 21/03/2013 21:41

Yes, Scotty, I do take it serioulsy that women put up with such disrespectful treatment and then think it can be "made up" somehow with a couple of empty promises and platitudes.

Don't worry on my account. I worry on yours, though.

Fairenuff · 21/03/2013 21:51

He won't be making it up - he actually thinks he's doing me a favour!

No he doesn't and you're a fool if you believe he does. Sorry you are unwell. Tonight is probably not the best time to confront this issue. You probably just wanted to have a rant, get a few 'there there' comforting pats, and get over it.

But this is a massive red flag and should not be ignored. It's up to you what your next move is but if you are not prepared to insist on being treated with consideration and respect, then I don't think you are going to get it from this man.

SolidGoldBrass · 21/03/2013 21:55

How much use is he when you are not ill? Does he do his fair share of domestic work and childcare, is he kind, funny, good company, affectionate?

If not, get rid. It's perfectly all right to end a relationship with a man who isn't satisfactory and you don't need his permission to do so.