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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Siblings are aggressively trying to get me out of my late fathers house despite his written Will for me to stay

110 replies

Tryingtosurvive · 21/03/2013 13:13

I am a disabled mum with two children under 10 years old and have recently spit up from my partner of 20 years - that was traumatic. My only place of refuge is the house which my late father left to all of us (tenants in common). I moved back into the house a few months ago with my children explaining to my siblings that my relationship had broken down and I had no where else to live except this house.

Now two of my siblings have put me under immense pressure to put the house up for sale despite my father putting a specific clause in his Will which says to the effect that my siblings shall allow me to live in the house for as long as I want to and that the house shall not exercise any trust for the sale of the property without my written consent. My father also said that if cease to reside in the house (other than through temporary absence) then the property can be sold.

Everyone else in my family has regular work/income and a secure place to live. I am self employed and work is very difficult to secure the moment though I am not claiming benefits yet. When my father died we (siblings) allowed one of my aggressive siblings to live in this house, rent-free for four years when she became divorced until she decided she was ready to buy a property abroad. She is furious with me because she has put money into her foreign property expecting the sale of this house to go ahead, but never discussed any of this with me.

There has been a lot of nasty conversations and bickering, and one sibling even trying to get the others to side with her to force the sale of the house if I don't put it on the market by the end of the month. She has threatened me with grave consequenses if I don't do what she wants.

This is an extremely stressful time for me and as a result am suffering depression and other signs of stress whic is taking a toll on my health and my business.

Does anyone have any suggestions what I could do to live securely as my father's Will intended until I'm in a position to buy out the main aggressive sister? I'm short on cash at the moment. The same sister has said that if I intend to buy her out now when the property market is low and then sell the house at a profit when/if the market picks up I have another thing coming.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 21/03/2013 13:46

What's happened to the house in the time since your father died? Has it just been sitting empty in the time since your sister was there? Who has paid for the upkeep and maintenance of the house?

Something about this just isn't really ringing true.

MuchBrighterNow · 21/03/2013 13:49

If your sister had 4 years rent free you need to work out what that was worth to her.

Fix a sum for rent and then however much you have individually "spent" can be taken off your individual shares when the house is sold.

Fix a time limit for when you will move out... you suggested 2/3 years .

Original poster
Tryingtosurvive · 21/03/2013 13:49

Hindsight is a great thing. Also that sister is the eldest and is very influential over the others. We didn't for sister out because we were all more concerned that older sister didn't have anywhere to live and sorry about her divorce from her husband in USA.

OP posts:
broccolirocks · 21/03/2013 13:49

Tryingtosurvive, who's paying for the upkeep of the house while you're all tenants-in-common? Things like utility bills, council tax & maintenance/improvements. If you're doing all this entirely on your own and keeping it in saleable condition then I understand your frustration a bit. As it's several years since you all inherited the property I see why your relatives want the situation to move on. If the house was sold, could you use the proceeds towards getting a smaller property of your own? Can't be much fun for you knowing your family are resenting you.

Sorry if that sounds unhelpful, have seen relatives in a similar position and it ended very badly.

Original poster
Tryingtosurvive · 21/03/2013 13:51

I've got an appointment to see a legal aid advisor in 40 mins which I hope will give me some hope.

Thanks for all your practical and sympathetic threads.

Will keep you posted.

OP posts:
msrisotto · 21/03/2013 13:51

Have I got this right - it is written into the will that the house is to be used by you specifically, or the children generally to use as they wish, until they decide to sell it when the profits should be split equally?

ElliesWellies · 21/03/2013 13:52

So your dad passed away in 2007, and had made his will several years previously, while you were still living with him? Basically the clause was included so you would not be kicked out of your home. In my opinion, that doesn't cover you moving back into the home after he has been dead for several years, and claiming you can stay. I don't think it is fair on your siblings, and am not convinced it would hold up should they have lawyers look at it. You had a partner, and have a family, and you were living with them for years - that is not a 'temporary' absence.

In light of the fact that you're all family, and another sibling stayed there for several years, I don't think it is quite fair of them to try to force you out immediately. Nor is it fair for you to live there indefinitely, and try to prevent them from selling. Agree with whoever said you need to come up with a time limit, e.g. two years.

tiggytape · 21/03/2013 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firesidechat · 21/03/2013 13:56

That clause about the tempory non residence wasn't well thought out was it? Did it not say what length was acceptable? I have alot of sympathy for your situation, but also some sympathy for your siblings. An absence of a few years would not be tempory surely?

WeAreEternal · 21/03/2013 13:57

How long ago did you move into the house Trying?

AnastasiaBieverhausen · 21/03/2013 14:08

Have I understod this correctly?

You lived in the house with your father.

Your father had a will regarding the house, with a clause stating you had the right to reside there and that it couldn't be sold while you still lived there. The will states that if you cease to reside there, other than a temporary absence, they can sell it.

You moved out in 2002ish to live with your DP.

Your father sadly passed away in 2007 without amending his will.

Your sister moved in at some point after this and lived there 'rent free' for four years.

She moved out, plans were made to sell the house.

You have moved back in, ('rent free'?) have claimed the ten years was a temporary absence and are blocking the sale.

Is that all correct?

You are taking the piss MASSIVELY and I hope they can evict you and finally sell the house. your poor siblings.

msrisotto · 21/03/2013 14:12

"I hope they can evict you....your poor siblings"???

Bloody hell lets have some compassion people! Where's the hurry to sell the house? It would be taking the piss to claim it as your own and live there indefinitely but to use it as respite in a really difficult time, after her sister has done similar, is surely not unreasonable??

Money really does something to otherwise sane people.

WileyRoadRunner · 21/03/2013 14:16

I can see your sibling's POV. I do think YABU sorry.

Surely if you sell the house you will have a decent deposit to put down on a rentl for yourself and your children?

WileyRoadRunner · 21/03/2013 14:18

Where's the hurry to sell the house?

Hasn't it been six years though since the will was read?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2013 14:19

Yes, RoadRunner and potentially another 3 years until she moves. Then, what if another sibling wants to move in...

msrisotto · 21/03/2013 14:20

Yeah it's been six years so lets kick out a recently separated desperate mother along with those pesky kids that are clogging it up....Nice.

fuckwittery · 21/03/2013 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CloudsAndTrees · 21/03/2013 14:25

You need to find somewhere else to live and let your siblings force the sale if you are going to need help from the council. It's not fair for you to continue to hang on to that asset so many years after your fathers death, your siblings have understandable reasons for wanting to sell the house. I expect they could do with their share of the money, and it's not right for you to keep that from them indefinitely, or until you decide you are ready.

It would be much better for everyone concerned if the house was sold and you were all given your fair share so that this situation doesn't have to continue.

ilovecolinfirth · 21/03/2013 14:27

It's a difficult one. My MIL once told me that she would leave the house to my SIL and my DH but we must never expect SIL to leave the house...she's well into her 30s and shows no sign of moving out. We (dh and i) personally would prefer they sold their house now and they were both able to retire...but the thought that my DH wouldn't be entitled to his share if they do keep the house is a bit hurtful

So I see how your siblings might feel. However, your situation must be tough.

Would a sale not give you a decent deposit?

X

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2013 14:29

I'd also like to know if the DS's 'property abroad' is supposed to be her primary residence. If it is, she is just as desperate, if not more, since she no longer has the DF's house to live in.

I think a plan B is needed OP. Think about the best/easiest way to move out, sell the house, move on and restore sibling relations. As long as this is hanging over everyone, it is hard to put your DF to rest with good memories and also for you to move on as a family.

WileyRoadRunner · 21/03/2013 14:34

Yeah it's been six years so lets kick out a recently separated desperate mother along with those pesky kids that are clogging it up....Nice.

But what about her siblings financial affairs? What if one of them needs that money or they may face losing their own home?

firesidechat · 21/03/2013 14:37

Can I just ask, very politely, that you find a different way to describe your sister ie sister A. I'm finding the "aggressive sister" tag a bit hard to take for some reason.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 21/03/2013 14:39

Hmm. I 'm sorry but I tend to agree with your siblings that the property should be sold and divided equally. How much money do you personally stand to make on a sale? Hopefully it will be enough to help you get by or buy/rent somewhere new.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 21/03/2013 14:40

Well, if it were me I would want my share of the cash ASAP. I actually think that trumps everything else - each sibling is entitled to their quarter, so if one wants to sell than either the others buy them out or they sell. Of course, they may not want to sell but also can't afford to buy anyone else out - in which case, too bad. Different situation if all 4 siblings agreed to wait, of course, but they all have to agree, which is not happening in this case.

Tbh the facts that you are disabled and recently moved back in after a divorce and are therefore in a vulnerable emotional and physical state are not relevant. Your siblings are entitled to their quarters and you can't afford to buy them out. You could take your quarter and use it as a deposit on a house of your own, or if you didn't want to do that, then have a nest-egg.

freddiemisagreatshag · 21/03/2013 14:41

Your father died 6 years ago. You weren't living in the house then. You were elsewhere.

That's not a temporary absence. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Sorry. I have every sympathy for your plight, but you can't claim that's a temporary absence.