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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this friend wrong for doing this?

29 replies

pumpkinsweetie · 21/03/2013 13:05

I have a friend who ive known since school posting all sorts of bitchy quotes & pictures all over Fb about me because she can't be bothered to sit and have an adult discussion with me, so chooses to diss me on a social network.

We had a falling out yesterday because i said her and her partner were not spending enough time together and i was worried about her as she had been complaining of late about the lack of attention and help he gives her in the home.

She was fine after i'd said this although a little disappointed that id pointed out something she'd been thinking about for months, but she spent the rest of the day with me, came to the school run with me and we parted at the school gates on normal happy terms. She said before she left that she would have a talk with her partner when home and not to worry.

She text me a friendly text at teatime, but less than 4 mins later she phoned me explaining that she thinks im highly opinionated and if i have an opinion i should keep it to myself and that its my fault her partner is now mad and that they are arguing and that their relationship is great and they have no problems. She then slagged me off for over half hour saying im a rubbish friend and im this and that and how her other friend is different and that she wont forgive me for disecting her relationship. I had only said one thing fgs.

So all the chances she had to talk to me yesterday she chooses to rant and rave at me down the phone and all of today she has been liking pictures clearly aimed at me and has even shared one saying in detail how i was not obviously a friend to begin with along with a load of sarcastic quotes and how i should rent my own stage etc and that i should hurry up and delete her.

I haven't commented or retaliated in anyway as i believe facebooking problems solves nothing and is totally wrong.
Aibu to be upset and think its wrong to oaste such hatred all over fb.

She also does similar when her and her partner have had an argument and tbf she has had opinions far more worse than this of others.
I'm also dumfounded as to why if things are so perfect choose to make this out to be a bigger thing than it is. After all i was only worried for her, its not as if i said lots. I also don't understand why she went home and told her partner for, have an argument then blame me!

OP posts:
Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 21/03/2013 13:07

Paste not oaste

OP posts:
JackieTheFart · 21/03/2013 13:10

I wouldn't respond on FB, but I think I would have to text her to say that she's obviously very unhappy with your comment, and that you apologise but it came from the heart as you feel you are close friends.

She sounds about 11 but must be very insecure in her relationship if one comment like that can make her turn on the vitriol like this!

mmmuffins · 21/03/2013 13:18

She sounds really immature. I wouldn't really have time for her to be honest.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 21/03/2013 13:19

I have apologised aswell, i obviously said if im wrong then im sorry. I just don't understand why she feels the needs to upset me on facebook when she had the chance yesterday to have it out with me.
The thing is her and her partner are having problems and she does talk to me about it often as do i tell her when i also have problems in my relationship.
I thought it was acceptable for a friend to discuss such matters.
She has opinions on my partner, but i either listen or i say she she is wrong. I wouln't kick up a storm over it!

I'm particallurly upset because i thought our friendship was worth something and that we could be honest with one an other and she was full of such hate on the phone i was in tears afterwards.
I have done so much with her and for her and im hospitale and kind to her when shes at my home most of the week.

OP posts:
Pigsmummy · 21/03/2013 13:20

Unfriend her on FB and back away from friendship

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 21/03/2013 13:21

She's projecting her relationship problems on to you. I'd block her on Facebook, but try to remain on relatively friendly terms irl because she will probably realise what is happening soon enough.

JammySplodger · 21/03/2013 13:25

I would 'hurry up and delete her' if I were you.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 21/03/2013 13:30

Tbh i think i hit the nail on the head.
If she had of disagreed with me thats ok and if she had agreed with me thats ok. But why did she tell her partner upon arriving home just to have an argument and to be back at square one.
Blaming me and making me out to be this horrible opionated loser, when if there was no problem why tell partner just to cause a row?
I cant delete her as that is childish, but i will ignore all these silly postings.

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 21/03/2013 13:34

She is a dramallama.
She thrives on it.

Delete her, why not. She is not a friend to behave like that.

JammySplodger · 21/03/2013 13:35

Can you distance yourself enough that she isn't expecting any opinions/ advice from you, that she can then go and turn back on you?

Feminine · 21/03/2013 13:36

delete. delete. delete.

this 'friend' is no friend.

she sounds like she enjoys fb waaaay too much!

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 21/03/2013 13:43

Well im guessing she is no longer speaking to me anyway judging by todays behaviour and that is fine as friends are there to opionate and give advice. I was obviously not allowed to do this in this instance and have been treated like crap for doing so only because i cared.
It's not as if i would waste my time thinking of someone if i were the bitch im being made out to be on facebook.

OP posts:
zippey · 21/03/2013 13:43

Putting your arguments on FB seems like a public display of emotion probably geared for BF to see. If she doesnt like your opinion it is probably best to re-evaluate the friendship to one which is not so close and open. I disagree about losing her friendship but she obviously doesnt like it when people are honest with her. Just lend an understanding ear in future and try not to give her advice. Dont stoop to her level and fight back on FB, let her calm down and hopefully she will apologise within days.

Naysa · 21/03/2013 13:44

Sounds like she's told her parnter what you said.

I had a friend like this.
She'd ask for advice about her parnter/relationship so I'd give her some help. It was never negative about her partner, just things I thought would help. She'd agree happily then go home and tell her partner who would go mad about it. She would then blame me for their argument even though the real issue was him being controlling and wanting everyone to believe that their relationship is perfect.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 21/03/2013 13:46

Now there is a picture saying about slapping me, how very childish. I will log out for now.
I left the playground over a decade ago, won't be going back now!

OP posts:
CAF275 · 21/03/2013 13:46

Delete on FB - who needs that childish crap?

She's clearly in denial about her relationship problems and you're the scapegoat because you told her what she already knows. Back off a bit, maybe send a text apologising if you upset her and say you're here for her if/when she needs you.

Ime she'll soon realise (if she hasn't already) you were just being a supportive friend and your friendship will be back on track.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 21/03/2013 13:49

I have apologised, i'm not sure what else to do tbh.
If she wants to part ways then i understand but to put stuff all over fb is just pointless.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 21/03/2013 13:49

Do that deleting thing on FB. It's not childish. It is protecting yourself.

Currently she posts stuff for all to see including you and you say nothing about it. It's a form of bullying. Childish nastiness.

Delete her and hang around with happy people who aren't being drama queens. You will never say anything that she won't pick holes in.

JammySplodger · 21/03/2013 13:52

Hide her on FB for a few days, let things settle and decide whether you actually want to be friends with her or not. It's up to you, not her.

At the moment it sounds like she's dictating how your friendship works (in a very childish fashion), and it's not necessarily working all that well for you.

BonaDrag · 21/03/2013 13:53

Delete her from FB and your life, because honestly, she sounds like a wanker.

somewhereaclockisticking · 21/03/2013 15:37

if she's done this once she'll do it again - she's spent alot of time upsetting you and having a rant at you - do you really want to be friends with someone who reacts in such a way but then expects to come to you with her problems but tells you to keep your mouth shut in return??

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 21/03/2013 16:02

I agree somewhere, and the pictures are still continuing and have done all day.
Starting to wonder why she's fixated her whole day on me when she obviously hates me so much. Bit phycsco if you ask me. Going to hide her now and not let her immature behaviour bother me because that is what she wants. I will delete her once she gets the human decency to talk to me face-to-face and comes clean that she doesn't agree or see my as a friend.

Today i feel hounded and bullied, and what for?- caring about a friend. ..

OP posts:
RubixCube · 21/03/2013 16:07

Im sure other people looking in on her rants thinks Shes pathetic considering shes liked and shared quotes about turbalent relationships for ages.If she doesn't want people to comment on her relationship maybe she should be more private in what she likes and shares

Pancakeflipper · 21/03/2013 16:21

Pumpkin - you fulfill a role in her life. You are there to listen about her life ( that sounds a little mixed up), you give advice and then she can take her misery out on you. Stop filling that role. Step away. She'll fill the gap with someone else and this cycle will repeat itself as people walk away from her toxic 'friendship'

AgentZigzag · 21/03/2013 16:29

You said she was OK with you until just after the friendly text at tea time, and that's when she started arguing with her DP about it, was it him who turned it round into it being about you and not him?

I'm just imagining him saying things like he's never liked you, you've always been interfering, why does she listen to you and not him etc etc.

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