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Original poster

To think my timing is utterly rubbish and ask what you would do?

55 replies

GoingVerySlowlyMad · 20/03/2013 09:34

I applied for a job at the back-end of last year. Didn't get it but got put on a waiting list should similar positions arise. Got a phonecall at the start of last week to say that a job has come up and did I want it. Of course I said yes as this is my dream job that I have been working towards for many years and it's pretty tough to get into. At the moment I am waiting for all my references and checks to come back.

Myself and DH have 2 DC's and have been trying for DC3 for 2 years and had 4 mc's in the first year of trying, the past year nothing has happened at all. Except up until yesterday, when, you guessed it - BFP! So now I have a dilemma, what to do? Take the job and keep quiet for a month or two or declare it before I get a start date.

I'm pretty honest and feel I should declare it but what happens if I mc again, should I just wait it out? Or should I just turn down the job? Are employers allowed to withdraw a job offer in these circumstances.

DH is in senior management and thinks I should turn it down as its not fair on my employers that they will have to find cover for me in 8 months. He has said that I will be being really selfish if I take it. We have had an almighty row about it tbh.

OP posts:
LandofTute · 20/03/2013 10:51

Take it. You are allowed to progress in your career despite being a woman and therefore the one who has the babies. Imagine if you don't take it and then mc. Hope you don't.

Emsmaman · 20/03/2013 11:05

badguider that means that you have to be employed by that employer 26 weeks before your 25th week of pregnancy. Not possible to start a new job whilst pregnant and get SMP, equally my DH did not qualify for his company enhanced paternity pay as I was pregnant at the time he started the job (POAS one week into his new job).

The difference between SMP and MA is that with SMP you get first six weeks at 90% pay.

EmmelineGoulden · 20/03/2013 11:10

Your DH isn't looking at it objectively. He's looking at it from the POV of an employer and as someone who will never have a similar dilemma, not someone trying to build a career whilst taking the risks of motherhood.

The reason you are not obliged to tell your employer about being pregnant is partly because the cost of new people (the new people who will one day buy the end products of the company's work, who will build up the economy so others can afford the company's products, who may one day run that company or own it) is disproportionately paid by parents and, especially, mothers.

There is nothing "unfair" about keeping quiet. Take the job and prove your worth to them.

HerrenaHarridan · 20/03/2013 11:25

Take the job.

Dh is wrong! It is wrong to discriminate against women in that way. How about he leaves his job because there is a baby on the way Hmm

It's is your dream job, tell them when your 16 weeks and make damn sure you go back!

Congratulations Smile

Lancelottie · 20/03/2013 11:33

Take the job, definitely. You can't guarantee that the pregnancy will continue, as it's such early days.

If you turn it down, you miss your dream job, with or without the hoped-for third child.

If you take the job, two things could happen: you have the dream job; or you have the child AND the dream job (before and after maternity leave).

Lancelottie · 20/03/2013 11:35

I still slightly regret the 'similar position, do you still want it?' job I turned down 14 years ago.

I was 8 months pregnant when they rang, though...

DublinMammy · 20/03/2013 11:56

Take it and tell them at the same time as you make it public. Perfectly reasonable. Congratulations by the way!!!

Original poster
GoingVerySlowlyMad · 20/03/2013 16:13

Thanks for all your lovely replies. DH has come home early with a bunch of flowers and apologised. He was viewing it from the point of view of the employer and said he just felt strongly that he didn't want people to think ill of me as he knows that whilst not strictly PC, people like me are viewed as a massive headache. Obviously guilt creeping in as I know he has had to deal with this situation and has been greatly irritated by it Hmm . He now concedes that I would be foolish to turn it down and should do what's in my best interests.

Glad he's on-side as I have no intention of turning the job down, nor do I have any intention of breaking the news until I'm in my 16th week Grin!

OP posts:
janek · 20/03/2013 16:26

I haven't read the whole thread, so apols if i'm repeating anyone, but they rang you! You surely weren't expected the put your whole life on hold on the off-chance that they might one day offer you a job were you?

Take it! And congratulations! To both!

FierceBadIggi · 20/03/2013 16:59

Glad your dh has come round, and hopefully the next time he's faced with that situation at work he will be a bit more compassionate!

StuntGirl · 20/03/2013 19:18

Glad your husband has realised he was being a bit of a fool Grin

maddening · 20/03/2013 19:50

New job and a new baby in time for Christmas - 2013 is going to be a fab year - enjoy :)

Congratulations!

gobbin · 20/03/2013 20:14

A lady at work took a job whilst pregnant, started then went off on mat leave. She then got preg again the following year and went off again. She's now been in work for a further two years without hassle.

Go for the job!

Sanjifair · 20/03/2013 20:49

Definitely take it!

Yfronts · 20/03/2013 20:51

Take it. You have no idea if this pregnancy will be OK or not. Even if it is OK (which I hope it is), you are legally entitled to take the job. Your DH is just being silly. Does he expect all women not to progress with their careers just in case they have a baby?

Doingakatereddy · 20/03/2013 21:02

My thought is dont take it - you have no idea what kind of pregnancy you will have & if you get ill, chances are you will guilt yourself into struggling on. I'm saying this as someone who started new job in early pg & ended up in casualty.

Treat your prospective employer with respect & be honest with them, if they are any good they'll keep your details and good will for the future.

Dorris83 · 21/03/2013 08:28

Definitely take it and don't give it another guilty thought. You can't put your life on hold for work.
I had a similar ish thing happen to me. I applied and got offered a fab job (in the same company that I was working already but a different department) got my bfp at the same time as accepting.
Not ideal timing but after a mc the prior year there was no chance in hell I was passing up the amazing job. I'm 8 months now and get nothing but good feedback in my new role. i think il be going on mat leave with a good reputation based on the work I've done

That's what you will do, at 16 weeks there may be a little surprise but really, you'll have worked hard for 4 months and built your reputation. You then have another 4 months to solidify it. I say Go for it!.

Original poster
GoingVerySlowlyMad · 06/04/2013 21:10

Just thought that I would come back and update for anyone who is interested! I did indeed accept the job but unfortunately I have miscarried again. I am feeling really sad and angry with my body right now but am glad I have the new job to focus on. Thank you for all the advice, it turned out to be spot on.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 06/04/2013 21:11

Sorry to read about your miscarriage Sad

Damash12 · 06/04/2013 21:17

I would take it. 8 months is a long time and you will be entitled to leave if completing 26 weeks before due date. Who knows what might happen but If the job means that much I would certainly get your foot in the door.

janek · 07/04/2013 12:06

Oh, i'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you're okay and i'm glad you took the job. X.

shellbu · 07/04/2013 12:14

congratulations on both bits of news ,take the job , say nothing ,if you dont go back after the baby is born ,then the next one on the waiting list will be as happy as you are now.

shellbu · 07/04/2013 12:20

oh i just read the last post you made , im so sorry about the baby ,hope the job is going well , take care.

McNewPants2013 · 07/04/2013 12:27

I am sorry about your miscarriage.

But I wouldn't have told them in the first place, hope you are ok

monkeysbignuts · 07/04/2013 12:35

Really sorry about your miscarriage :(
Congratulations on the job and I hope you get a sticky bfp soon x

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