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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling completely awful for crying in front of the children

43 replies

totallystumped · 19/03/2013 23:17

I've been under loads of stress lately and I just got a camel straw and ended up bawling my eyes out. Ended in a group weep and attempted cheer up on the sofa.

They are lovely, supportive kids and very grown up for 12 and 13 but I feel so bad for giving way in front of them, but I did and now I don't know how to make it better.

OP posts:
willyoulistentome · 19/03/2013 23:21

Hell I am always crying in front of mine. Life is challenging at the moment. Is it all that bad for children to see mum cry? Worried now.

bedmonster · 19/03/2013 23:21

Tell them you're feeling better now you've had a good cry and thank them for understanding. 12 and 13 is old enough to realise emotions sometimes get the better of us. And as a one off I don't think its a disaster that they've seen you crying.
Hope you are feeling a bit better. :)

bedmonster · 19/03/2013 23:25

willyou don't be worried. It's a natural thing to do. I think if it happened all the time they might really worry but from time to time we all feel crap and just let it out in one way or the other. When I feel low I go for a really long run. It gives me lots of clear thinking time, but mainly I use the time to blast my eardrums with music.

Tobyturtle · 19/03/2013 23:27

I don't think this is a big deal. To be honest I think that when you get upset in front of your kids it makes you seem more like a 'real person' therefore making you more approachable if they have any upsets in their life which i'm sure they will in their teens! It's also nice for them to know its ok to cry sometimes.

Dont beat yourself up about it, sometimes it's nice for children to feel that you need them just as much as they need you.

Hope you feel better later xxx

willyoulistentome · 19/03/2013 23:31

Totally. If this is the first time you have cried with the kids you are doing amazingly well. I cry quite often.

Original poster
totallystumped · 19/03/2013 23:35

Thank you. It's just not something I usually do. I usually try to hold it in, more of a stomp, swear and bash stuff about in the kitchen type when I need to offload a little. Dissolving in the living room isn't usually my way. Just using a bit of guilt todisplace some of the other stuff I suppose

OP posts:
LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 19/03/2013 23:39

Well then turn it into a positive and thank them for being grown up and supportive.

Hope things get better soon.

jaywall · 19/03/2013 23:42

wtf are you crying for ? do you not have any control over yourself ?

thebody · 19/03/2013 23:45

Ahh don't worry, they arnt babies are they? Girls or boys?? Boys are usually dead embarrassed and pat your shoulder where as girls gather you up in the group hug, so guessing girls. If so at 12 and 13 hormones are wild so this might become a familiar situation.

Seriously though if you feel like this lots then don't off load to them, get out of the house, jog, cycle, walk and cry then, been there.

Get help if ongoing but if one off then no worries xxx

HerrenaHarridan · 19/03/2013 23:45

Don't feel bad, you are teaching them that it is ok to cry sometimes.

If they were 3 and 5 they may have been really frightened but at that age they should be able to handle it.

Hope your feeling better x

Fanjounchained · 19/03/2013 23:47

Jaywall...is that an attempt at humour ? You're about as funny as a kick in the balls if it is...

OP....not sure what's going on with you at the moment but hope you're feeling better soon. Mine are 3 and 5...bubbled a few times when they were smaller and too small to realise what was going on but am reluctant to now for probably the same reasons as you. But Mums are only human too...take care

Cyclefaster · 19/03/2013 23:49

Agree with above posters. Crying is normal and healthy. It's great you can express how you feeling. It models to them that's its okay...I cry in front of my two DCs and explain why. Jaywall really???

HerrenaHarridan · 19/03/2013 23:50

Jaywall I have reported your post as an unnecessary personal attack.

At risk of getting my first deletion i would like to add that you are a wankstain!

Cyclefaster · 19/03/2013 23:51

Loving that HH! Completely unnecessary. I would hate for my kids not to feel they could express themselves.

bedmonster · 19/03/2013 23:53

Ha ha herrena! That really made me laugh!

grovel · 19/03/2013 23:53

I can remember the first time my Mum cried in front of me. I think I was 11. I was disconcerted for perhaps three days and then came to appreciate her all the more. It's useful as you grow up to know that your parents are generally strong but can also feel low.

Fanjounchained · 19/03/2013 23:53

...wankstain...that's the word I was looking for Grin

grovel · 19/03/2013 23:56

I'm a lady.

I prefer wet patch to wankstain.

Jaywall, however, is a wankstain.

CSIJanner · 19/03/2013 23:57

Herrena - LOL!

Jaywall - not nice. Have a word with yourself.

OP - sometimes its good to let go rather than "stomping" around the kitchen. I find when I let things bold up, they egret even worse in my head. Having a goo sold cry helps let those feelings put healthily and from what you've posted, your children empahised with you, probably put their arms around you and supported you.

My dad always built up his feelings inside instead of letting them out - ended p v stressed until we sat him down and told him to talk or just to have a good old cry. Once he did, the world didn't lie as heavy on his shoulders as we were family and all in it together. hugs!

willyoulistentome · 20/03/2013 00:02

What made you cry totally?

CuriousMama · 20/03/2013 00:03

It's healthy for dcs to see you expressing emotions, the whole range of them.

I don't think it's even bad for them to see you slightly angry. As long as you don't lose it and can keep it under control. I've apologised to mine before when I've gone a bit loopy pms.

You sound a great parent and your dcs sound lovely too Smile

Original poster
totallystumped · 20/03/2013 00:08

Thanks again, starting to feel more like myself now.

Thebody - one of each, the girl is the elder and, yes, the boy was the first to edge off to put the kettle on.
Herrena - LOL

OP posts:
Signet2012 · 20/03/2013 00:08

I hope my dd does see me cry. I come from a long line of stiff upper lippers and I think it's quite damaging. I find it very hard to cry even if I'm really upset. I don't understand happy crying at all.

In fact the only time I've cried since been a teenager is when I had to get my beloved dog put down in December and even then I managed to keep it to a rogue tear escaping. I know its ok to cry but I struggle to let myself. Dp said it was the first time he was convinced I was properly human in 8 years!!!

I want dd to cry if she is sad and not feel any less of a person for doing so.

MaryZeZJezuzIzntZombiedYet · 20/03/2013 00:09

It does children no harm to know that sometimes mum's crack up too.

I've done it in front of mine more than once - producing embarrassment from one, sympathy from another (not necessarily the same response any time).

MaryZeZJezuzIzntZombiedYet · 20/03/2013 00:10
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