Feeling completely awful for crying in front of the children

[totallystumped]

I've been under loads of stress lately and I just got a camel straw and ended up bawling my eyes out. Ended in a group weep and attempted cheer up on the sofa.

They are lovely, supportive kids and very grown up for 12 and 13 but I feel so bad for giving way in front of them, but I did and now I don't know how to make it better.

I do NOT agree with Jay but I would possibly advise that you try and keep crying in front of children to a minimum. Although it's probably healthy for them to see emotional displays like this once in a while, its really unsettling to them to do it too often. And for young children, it's frightening for them.

So, no harm done I shouldn't think but I'd try not to do it again.

Aah, signet! You so beautifully expressed what we were trying to say.

See op, you owe it to your children! You'd screw them up more otherwise

Willyou - It's a long list of life's usually irritations building up to a head over a period of time, topped off by hearing the lad crying over the washing up because I had to dish out a punishment for something he did in school and which I couldn't let go without censure at home. It just made me feel that if the school had had to ring me I was being a crap parent on top of everything else and whoops, off goes Niagra

Oh dear. Did you let him know that's what set you off? It might do him good to know his behaviour at school affects you too

I have 4dcs, 3 have ASD, I suffer from bouts of anxiety and depression. So yes, mine have seen me cry! A good cry is a healthy and natural way of letting out pent up frustrations and worries.

I have explained this to the dcs, that when I do sometimes cry it's nothing to worry about, we all need a cry and a hug sometimes before we are able to pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off and move onwards.

Actually, once I cried at dd2's teacher because she had had to stay in at break for not having her P.E. Kit! She was 6 and I felt awful that she had been punished for my shit parenting mistake! She got me a tissue and was very nice, but still,

Willyou - part of the stress is waiting for his Aspergers asessment appointment which is later this month so I really didn't want him thinking it was his fault because, frankly, It wasn't. I was probably just a bit too close to the edge of a crying jag to pull back/postpone till they were in bed.

Oh gosh, I wish my mum had cried in front of my sisters and me more often. As it was, she never did until one day when I was 17 and it was a massive, horrible shock. I had no idea what to do because I had been under the illusion that she didn't have emotions. So cry all you like!

Oh totally. I completely sympathise. My ds1 has aspergers. Disgnosed about 6 weeks ago. I have been struggling with the news. Keep crying at work. Not good.Im hoping I'll get my head around it soon. I feel pathetic for being so wimpy. Keep having to tell the kids I'm crying cos im just tired. I feel so sorry for him. I hope you get what you need for yr son.

Actually I think with very young children they accept that crying is something that everyone does for the least worrisome things, like dropping an ice cream cone. So aside from joining in with you why would it be wrong to occasionally do it?

Older kids might need an explanation. I am always crying at soppy things, school concerts or old films and try to explain to DS why.

Willyou - sorry to hear that you are going through so much following his diagnosis, are tgere support groups in your area which will fit into your life? I'm realtively lucky in that my DS doesn't have huge problems and we know adults who have Asperger's, one of whom is really similar in his ways to DS. I didn't want to go for a diagnosis but DS has decided he would rather know than not and his primary school seemed to think it for the best so...

Wallybanters - You just reminded me of me and my dad crying at "Lassie Come Home" on TV and both of us trying to hide the fact, I must have been about 9ish. Can't remember my mum crying at all.

We do have the occasional moist eyed film ending in our house (all 3 of us) but that's somehow different

I don't think crying would be any more harmful than bashing about in the kitchen causing an atmosphere.

I can remember my mum crying at films/tv, never got it but now I do it

Agree with all pps who have said, better than I could, that crying in front of your dc lets them know you're a human being.

My own parents are divorced, and it was only when they split up that I ever saw them cry for the first time. It made me realise they weren't "Mum and Dad who are infallible" but rather two people trying their best.

Hope you're ok

Hope you are okay, five years ago I had a breakdown and cried so much. One day DS who was five at the time said "I don't want you to cry any more Mummy", he said it very matter of fact (he is autistic) and I felt completely dreadful that I had cried so much in front of him. Fast forward five years and now he knows that everyone cries sometimes but had to ask "what even you Mum"? He doesn't remember it at all now.

Obviously older children would but it makes you human and they sound like lovely caring children too.

Hope you are okay xxx

Totally, I did this the other day in front of my 5year old. I had had a horrible anxiety attack at the school while picking him up (am agoraphobic, school run is a nightmare!!) and it resulted in a very lovely parent walking me home. I got in, phoned my mum and cried hysterically down the phone at her because I felt like such an awful parent.

DS cried because I was and this made me feel worse, but after a cuddle he was ok (as was I).

A mum is allowed to cry too. Hope you feel better today.

That's fine. Just a normal human reaction, like anger or laughter.
Sometimes it's good for the kids to see that we cry too.