To be absolutely FUCKING FURIOUS that my period has started

[MaryZeZJezuzIzntZombiedYet]

because I'm 50. And I've been having periods since I was 12. Every fucking 28 days like fucking clockwork (apart from the infertility drug years).

And then in November I missed one, and I thought "whoopee, that's it, all over, done with menopause here I come.

I was wrong. Christmas was like a scene from the Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

And then January nothing, nada, zilch (yippee).

And now, here we fucking go again.

Disclaimer: I will not be responsible for my actions if anyone is unwise enough to inform me AIBU.

So you had better all ignore this thread.

Fifty Fucking Eight

You Cannot Be Serious

ffs.

58?!?!

My mum had had a hysterectomy by my age the lucky cow baggage

58 can't be right [comforting]

Around 480 periods to get a couple of children!!! Does seem a bit excessive doesn't it haha

Enjoy MaryZ

My mum had early menopause at 38 and takes great pleasure in telling me that I should have more babies ASAP before my eggs run out. I am only 40 ffs

My mum had a hysterectomy too.

I think they used to chop out useless bits back then. A bit like appendixes.

I mean, let's face it, my uterus was never much use anyway. Why is it still hanging in there? I would like a hysterectomy, and none of this through the letterbox crap, I want to be opened up and have a tummy tuck at the same time.

There must be some lesser known Eastern European butcher surgeon who would do it for me at a reasonable cost.

Hang on

38 years at 13 a year is 494.

Less 11 (fucking 11) for ds2 is 483.

483 periods for one child.

That's shite odds, really, isn't it . My poor other 482 eggs, all gone down the toilet.

How many do I have left?

YANBU, it it sounds horrible and chocolates for you!

But I am a teeny bit envious yours has actually started! Mine was due last week, day of cramps, then nothing Yesterday, more cramps and still nothing! It's going to turn up with a vengeance on Saturday when I'm going to an extremely posh dinner dance (probably wearing a white dress) isn't it?

I want a period button! Or maybe a blood bladder you could empty at your convenience...

Yahoo answers suggests 400 to 450,000

Though apparently only (only, ffs) 400 to 450 mature. So I have produced well over the average and should really, in fairness, be done.

You don't necessarily ovulate to have a period.

Omg! You may have a stock pile of eggs and will have periods till you are 312!

There is someone on Mumsnet, Polka, I can't remember who, who swears that her sphincter is so strong she doesn't need sanitary ware - she keeps it inside and releases it like urine.

I don't actually believe her.

Sorry

Still eggs at Easter

I have discovered that by talking to myself and getting the occasional nice comment from someone I can get my thread in "Most Active"

See if you can get the lovely tranexamic acid and mefenamic acid combo, I got prescribed this after having periods 2 weeks on/2 weeks off then a 4 MONTH long one (I am 28). Maternity pad and a super plus plus tampon lasted 15 mins some days. Since being on the combination of the two I get barely any pain and am down to 3/4 day long relatively light periods

One word: Mirena. Stops Auntie Flo from knocking on my door and saves me a fortune in sanpro every month. Which reminds me, I need to go and get it checked out...

Yes, tranexamic acid sounds good.

I shall add it to the list of things to talk to my gp about.

Wine and choc sounds medically necessary. Should be available free with sanpro.

Age 48 here. Been having irregular periods for 4 years or so. Can't remember last one. Been in this house two years in July and think I have maybe had one since we moved in. Hoping I am done with them.

Some hot flushes. Some spots. Lots of chin hair.

Went for smear today and said to nurse it is a mans world but she assured me they get it worse later on. I do hope so!

Completely agree there is a huge design fault somewhere. Two ivf cycles here and one DS. Far too many periods.

I'll sign the petition.

This thread is scaring me.

Talk of witchy chin hairs is really really scary.

I'm 50 and haven't had a period since December. Going on holiday at the weekend and I just know what's going to happen.
Shall I pack my industrial strength tampons?

As I said to my twelve year old niece and her friend, "yes, you can't wait to start your periods. But it goes on for forty years and you will be tired of it long before then." I'm only forty-three, and take the active Pill nonstop to avoid vicious PMT.

My sister is fifty-three, and she hasn't finished yet. Our mother finished at fifty-one. Do women often finish at the same age their mother did?

Don't know about my mum; she had it all whipped out.

At least I didn't start til I was 15.5 (don't know how lucky I was).

absolutmum my period started on the morning that I was going away for our silver wedding anniversary and the doc gave mme pills to stop it (phone consult to so nice and quick) worked a treat even though it had already started !

Cider, I'm obviously having mine as well as yours.

I'm going to persuade dd to go on the pill and then nick hers when I go on holidays [bitter].

You know, all joking apart, it really is a pretty inefficient system, isn't it?