Uncomfortable about swimming lesson

[thereinmadnesslies]

DS is just 4. At swimming today there was a different teacher to usual. The teacher goes into the pool with 4 children. The teacher was holding each child's head to get them to swim a width kicking their legs on their backs. When it was DS's turn he was clearly uncomfortable and tried to stand up after a few kicks, but the teacher put him back into position. DS then panicked, screamed out and tried to stand up. The teacher kept putting him back onto his back, holding his head with her hands. By the time they got to the end of the width DS was crying.

From the viewing area I could see and hear DS crying while the other children took their turn. The teacher then made DS do the same again, even though he resisted, cried and panicked again. Mid length she moved him to resting his head in her shoulders but he was still scared. She didn't seem to be doing much to comfort him. Then they did a third width, again with DS upset.

I went down to poolside but a second teacher told me he was fine and to go back upstairs

For the rest of the class DS was visibly crying and calling for mummy, so approx 15 mins. He cheered up in the fun activity at the end. When the teacher bought the children to the changing room I said that I was uncomfortable about DS being forced to do something when he was obviously terrified. She said he was fine and the busied herself with the next group of children.

DS clung to me and cried while I dressed him.

To contextualise, this is his 6th lesson ever and the usual teacher knew that he is a nervous child and reluctant to swim on his back.

AIBU to think the replacement teacher was inappropriate to force DS to swim on his back when he was clearly upset? Would I be out of order to email the regular teacher (who is the owner of the swim school) to express my concerns?

I'd have removed him from the lesson. Not gone back either.

As above. I had a teacher who did similar and it took me years to get confident in the water again. Silly cow

And yes def email, I would

I would take him out of the lessons and teach him to swim myself.

Yes, email, and find a different class. I have 2 DC (age 5 and 3) in swimming classes, and it has been a very gentle process. DH was in the water with them until they were confident swimming on their own (with armbands/woggles etc.)
The teacher is encouraging, even (verbally) pushy at times with the kids, but absolutely never physically forces anyone to do anything.

The teacher sounds appalling and won't be helping your DS learn at all.

The lesson was clearly too advanced for him, and he perhaps needs to go to a different style class (or just spend time in water with you) until he is more confident.

It might be worth telling the swim school that this group isn't working (as the other 3 children are progressing at a different rate to your DD) and ask what they can do to improve how they group children.

The regular teacher is much more gentle. Where they've done kicking on their back before she has held him in a semi-upright position, whereas today's teacher was forcing him flat in the water. Which makes it tricky as I've got not idea how often the substitute teacher is used. Other mums seemed to know her so I'm guessing she teaches other classes within the swim school.

I can't understand why you let this go on.....

Crossroads - that's exactly what I'm worried about, if DS's confidence is knocked it's very hard to get him to be positive about an activity again.

I wouldn't send mine back after that. Good way to give them a fear of the water.

Scavaola - the class he is in is for 3+, there isn't an easier class as the only other option is an under 3's class with parents in the water. I swim with him every other weekend, he's confident walking around the pool but reluctant to take his feet off the bottom. There are two teachers in the water each with a group, so in theory the children are divided by ability. The usual teacher knew all this before she put DS in the class.

Seeker - I felt crap. I tried to give the teacher the opportunity to send him out of the pool to me to give him time to calm down but she avoided eye contact then the second teacher told me leave the poolside.

I also don't want to give DS the idea that he can give up on activities because he is quite prone to saying he doesn't want to do things. And i used to coach sport and i know how annoying interferring parents can be. Today went beyond that to.

He's four for goodness sake.
Forget the lessons and just take him yourself regularly to have fun in the pool. He will learn to enjoy it and lose his fear.
In my experience four is too young for proper swimming anyway. wait a couple of years and he will be off like a fish.

Yanbu

Reminded me of back in the grim old days one swimming teacher had a stick and if you lifted your head out of the water he would shove it down with the stick (he was standing on the side) this was definitely at primary school level as I was in the swim squads before I went to senior school. He was the teacher everyone feared.

I would find another class - I used puddleducks abd thought they were fab but shop around.

They aren't still doing this to kids are they? Bloody awful. Yes swimming takes the child to take some leaps of faith and some bravery but at 4 years old they shouldn't be doing this to kids.

I was treated appallingly at swimming lessons as a child. I went on to be a competitive swimmer but dreaded every swimming lesson. Everytime my Mum or Dad drove me down the hill to swimming I felt sick. It felt completely different when we drove to swimming club as they weren't sadistic foul human beings.

I used to be picked up by my pony tail and thrown in. Literally. This was only back in the mid 80s so not in a time when this should be happening (not that it ever should be happening). I was forced to have an hours swimming lesson without swimming goggles, even when the majority of the lesson was picking up bricks from underwater. My eyes would be streaming by the end of the session and very sore. Then there was the verbal abuse if you did something wrong.

I desperately wanted my gold badge so insisted I kept going. My Mum lept over the barrier from the spectator section several times to come to my defence when I was upset or hurt.

It sounds like he is too young to be having lessons and should just have fun time with you getting his water confidence, splashing about and being supported by you to do what he feels comfortable doing.

He is 4!! for goodness i wouldnt have let anyone tell me he is fine and send be back upstairs after you went pool side, NOT until talked with him. you knew he was scared, and you watched him cry through 2 more lenghts. cant believe you didnt take him there and then. at 4!! my heart breaks for the poor little man.

Could you try 1 to 1 lessons? My water shy Dd1 did them - yes they were more expensive but after 8 she could swim every stroke and no longer needs lessons, just to build up stamina?

What happened was unacceptable, I would speak/write to the manager and ask for a full refund of any monies paid and an apology. The way the instructor conducted themselves is not going to create a water confident swimmer .... It has probably put your child back several steps instead.

My DS had a disastrous first swimming lesson at a similar age to your boy. We decided once was enough and concentrated on taking him weekly ourselves, building up his confidence and just having fun in the water.
He started lessons again when he was 6 (at a different swim school) and although he was initially in a class of 3 and 4 year olds he has progressed very quickly. In six months he has moved up two classes, knows all his strokes and is a very strong confident swimmer.
Our older children had lessons from 3 or so and I remember it being a massive drawn out process. I think there's a lot to be said for waiting until they're older and fully confident in the water.

You should complain.
It's vital at a young age children learn to enjoy and feel comfortable in the water.It's the building blocks for them learning to swim.
( I speak as a qualified swimming teacher)

myheadwillexplode - of it weren't for the fact I grew up abroad, I would think we learnt to swim at the same place.

I can't dive despite being a strong swimmer with no other fear of the water. This after an unsympathetic teacher pushed me off the 1m board before I could even dive off the side. Have a total fear/phobia now and can't be taught.

I think there's something to be said for delaying lessons if your child doesn't enjoy them. I have watched lots of terrified 3 and 4 year olds, they disrupt things for everyone else and are traumatised. Part of the problem is that it is rare to have late starters (6,7,8 ish) so if you start late your child ends up in a class of 3 and 4 year olds which is annoying and in some respects inappropriate.

VerySmallSqueak - I think DS is water confident mostly, just he hates being on his back. We swim approx every other weekend in the same pool as the lessons. He will happily move around the learner pool (his feet touch the bottom), he will play catch with a ball and blow bubbles in the water. If I hold his tummy he will hold a float and kick his legs. At centreparcs he loved going on the watersides sitting on my lap, didn't mind getting splashed etc.

The lessons were to help him take his feet off the bottom and

.... become more independent before school in Sept where he will have weekly swim lessons. He has enjoyed the lessons (with the other teacher) until today.

Everyone keeps saying that I should leave lessons until he is older but I really worry that he will find school lessons more traumatic and school lessons will have a lesser teacher ratio.

Do they start the swimming lessons in reception though? Normally it's KS2 isn't it?