Uncomfortable about swimming lesson

[thereinmadnesslies]

DS is just 4. At swimming today there was a different teacher to usual. The teacher goes into the pool with 4 children. The teacher was holding each child's head to get them to swim a width kicking their legs on their backs. When it was DS's turn he was clearly uncomfortable and tried to stand up after a few kicks, but the teacher put him back into position. DS then panicked, screamed out and tried to stand up. The teacher kept putting him back onto his back, holding his head with her hands. By the time they got to the end of the width DS was crying.

From the viewing area I could see and hear DS crying while the other children took their turn. The teacher then made DS do the same again, even though he resisted, cried and panicked again. Mid length she moved him to resting his head in her shoulders but he was still scared. She didn't seem to be doing much to comfort him. Then they did a third width, again with DS upset.

I went down to poolside but a second teacher told me he was fine and to go back upstairs

For the rest of the class DS was visibly crying and calling for mummy, so approx 15 mins. He cheered up in the fun activity at the end. When the teacher bought the children to the changing room I said that I was uncomfortable about DS being forced to do something when he was obviously terrified. She said he was fine and the busied herself with the next group of children.

DS clung to me and cried while I dressed him.

To contextualise, this is his 6th lesson ever and the usual teacher knew that he is a nervous child and reluctant to swim on his back.

AIBU to think the replacement teacher was inappropriate to force DS to swim on his back when he was clearly upset? Would I be out of order to email the regular teacher (who is the owner of the swim school) to express my concerns?

It's not just in swimming that it's quite evident that when a child is scared and crying it has got to be detrimental to them learning and growing in a lesson situation,imo.

It's got to go more at his pace,I think,so he doesn't lose all the valuable water confidence he seems to have got already,and that you have worked hard to give him.

Perhaps that teacher has found themselves under pressure at some point to give fast results - perhaps other parents have complained that their children aren't progressing fast enough - who knows.
Perhaps a different approach would be to speak to this teacher in case you get them again,and say that you would rather things were taken more slowly and that if he is distressed you would like the teacher not to push that particular thing.
You are paying after all.

I am a swimming teacher, specializing in teaching pre school children and I can't imagine any circumstances under which any swimming teacher would act this way with any student. Swimming is built on confidence in a new environment. Anything that knocks that confidence is detrimental to learning to swim and can set learning back, even put people off swimming for a long time in extreme cases. I think it was wrong for her to try to repeat an action several times that was causing your ds distress. Part of the skill of being a swimming teacher to little ones is taking your cues from your student and constantly tweaking your expectations, method of teaching and content of lessons to get the best from them at any given time.

Swimming on your back is difficult for children as it puts them in an unnatural and vulnerable position - it's natural for animals to curl up and protect their vital organs so asking anyone to lay on their back in an environment where they might not be comfortable, trusting the water to support them, is a big thing. It can take a very long time to have the confidence to do this, especially in 2-4 year olds (I've had 8 mnth old babies take a nap in this position during my lessons, but being held carefully by mum).

Please give constructive feedback to the teacher / pool etc and continue taking your ds swimming yourself, building on his confidence and enjoyment in the water. I wouldn't necessarily go back to the same teacher unless you get an acknowledgement that her actions in this case were wrong.

I started swimming lessons at four and loved them, so it is not too young.

However, at no age would it have been appropriate to force him like this teacher did.

There is no way I would've let this continue as you did. He is four, and his teacher scared him and his mum didn't stop it Of course he will be scared now. I don't mean to lay into you, but you do realise that the second teacher who told you to leave him is just that - a swimming teacher. Not god. Most mothers would've ignored her and taken their child out of the lesson, nothing would've stopped me.

What's happened has happened, so definately complain to his usual teacher and insist you won't have him taught by this woman again.

I agree that the swimming teacher who spoke to you saying he was fine was being very dismissive.

I can see the teachers point, your child was fine when they got onto something else, at no point where they in danger of drowning, the teacher was holding them. Children do sometimes have to learn that they can't get out of things by crying and that they can overcome their fears, but they won't by being pulled out of something safe when they star crying.

OK the teacher should have been a bit more sensitive (however you were not in a position to hear what the teacher was saying to your child to reassure them) seeing your child upset, but a child being upset is not a reason to not practice basic skills in the water.

a child being upset is not a reason to not practice basic skills in the water

I hope you're not a swimming teacher, trinity! Especially not one who teaches pre-schoolers. I think a 4-year-old being upset is definitely a reason to stop trying to force them into a maneouvre they're not ready for. OP said her DC spent the rest of the class upset and calling for mummy - he wouldn't have been learning much in that state.

I've never heard of school swimming lessons in reception.

My elder dd who is now 8 did swimming from reception at (state) school. My younger dd has done it since Y1 as they changed it

The school DS is going to has its own pool, so they do lessons from reception. The current swim lessons are in the same pool, and we also use the same pool on a Sunday morning so DS is familiar with it. My DS1 found school lessons in reception really daunting as the pool is a ten minute walk up/down a big hill and getting changed was hard work, so I wanted to try to build DS2s confidence before he starts school (DS1 never had lessons, but he was a more confident swimmer at the same age).

I feel terrible that I didn't intervene more at the time, by going poolside I was trying to hear what the teacher was saying to DS, give the teacher a chance to pass DS out to me to calm down and also wanted to reassure DS as I'm not sure how easily the children can see parents in the viewing area. The children were at the other end of the pool to the steps so I would have needed to pull him out. I don't want to come across as an over reactive, over protective parent but I totally see from the comments above that I should kicked up more of a fuss on the poolside.

I'm going to email the regular teacher (who owns the swim school), tell her what happened and ask if this is their teaching philosophy as what happened today is unacceptable. I will use her response to decide what to do next. Unless she takes my concerns very seriously DS will not be going back.

DS told me earlier that he was scared because he thought the teacher was going to drop him - I've given him loads of reassurance and cuddles.

I would certainly voice my concerns.

My DS has developed his swimming without stress, at his own pace. If he doesn't move as fast as other children it's not a problem, just as long as he enjoys his swimming.
Only now at 8, on his 3rd year of swimming is he starting to relax on his back. Fine.

I once had an argument with his first swimming teacher, because of something similar. I basically told him that he didn't know how to teach.
He stopped forcing DS, who has thrived with two other teachers.

I'd be more assertive with the teachers next time, possibly even telling them at the start that I'd complain about them if they stressed my son as the previous time.

Thank you for all the replies BTW, it's really helped me to get my head around this.

i would defo complain. i think you were very restrained. i think i may have been always remembered as the mum who jumped in the pool fully clothed!

i learned swimming thru fun, but know of people who had bad experiences when learning and it has ruined water for them. i find that so sad as swimming can be a source of such joy. these teachers need to be told it's not acceptable to frighten people into learning.