to tell DS that no, he can't have chocolate spread sandwiches for his packed lunch?

[poachedeggs]

He's 5 and going through a very argumentative, pestery phase.

Apparently his friends often have chocolate spread sandwiches, or pancakes and jam, for packed lunch. We've got a bit of chocolate spread in the cupboard leftover from a cookie recipe I made on Saturday.

I told him it's not a very healthy lunch, when he usually has tuna or cheese or something. He'll also have a small oat and raisin muffin and a tub of yogurt and fruit.

The thing is, he's sugar obsessed. I'd dearly love to give him free reign to see if he gets it out of his system, but he's properly mad about sweet things. Unfortunately my saying no seems to make it even more desirable. I try to give stuff that's going to be sweet but not processed fast-release crap.

Really, chocolate spread sandwiches? I'm apparently being the worst mother ever. AIBU? I can take it!

I would let him have the choc spread sandwiches but explain he has to swap out some other things to make sure he gets enough protein.

BMI on the 95th centile??

What does that even mean??

I thought BMI showed underweight/within range/overweight when comparing height & weight.

Children's BMI is measured on a centile basis.

OK-just googled.

So his BMI is high compared to others of his age?

Which doesn't really mean a lot, does it?

Surely it depends on his height- if he is 95th centime for height too then he is just a big kid?

BMI has adjustment for height built-in.

YANBU. We go with everything in moderation and are fairly relaxed with food, but I wouldn't want them to have jam or chocolate spread daily

Mine have it occasionally today for example as I desperately need to go shopping . I see no harm in having it once a week if the rest of their lunch is fairly healthy.

So if your BMI is in 95th percentile then you are fatter then 94 out of 100 people, whatever your height. (Unless you are body builder or professional athletes, so that the excess weight is actually muscle.)

If you're concerned about saying no all the time, go for the Friday option. You can spread Nutella quite thinly, and he'll still have the chocolate taste. This is probably better than including a cereal bar from a sugar point of view. Supplement with cheese cubes and fruit, etc.

I remember having golden syrup sandwiches in my yoof.

YANBU for not letting him have chocolate sandwiches as you Presumbly want to set up good habits for life. My DS (5) also tells me that other children get a chocolate biscuit every day in their packed lunch boxes as his school don't have any rules about packed lunch contents either. I think the Friday idea is a good idea. I will provide a chocolate biscuit some days but it is ad hoc.

I think in comparison I give my DS too many 'treats' when I see what others bring for after school snacks for instance. I sometimes feel a little guilty for that and so start bringing chocolate chip oatcakes and baby organix crisps/ rice cakes/ banannas again to install better ideas about 'snacks'. My DS is under the 25 percentile in weight (according to school) and so then I revert to feeding him up again. He has a fairly free reign on treats and despite this he will leave half a chocolate muffin or something like that, he didn't have the chocolate dessert for hot school dinner on Friday for instance, so does seem to have a measured approach to sugar. Probably just a fluke though and he would finish off a bag of buttons for instance.

I didn't think BMI applied to children...what was the school doing measuring it anyway?

95th percentile does not mean he's overweight.

I really wish people understood the growth charts, especially HCPs!

My DS's (aged 5) friend was found to be morbidly obese according to the school. He wears age 8 uniform and stands a good foot + taller than my son. The GPs are bricking it as they feed him everything healthy and he always walks/scoots to school and back. Swims and plays footie twice a week. When you look at him he is a stocky kid. Mt DS (DT2) is a weazel with narrow feet and wrists and a thing waist. DT1 is short and square. I really think this BMI does no favours for such young kids.........

I repeat, I don't think the BMI applies to children at all.

I don't see the problem with letting him have a Nutella sandwich once in a while. My dd doesn't like chocolate and prefers marmite but even so, I always give her a treat every so often like a chocolate biscuit or crisps. It doesn't sound like he eats unhealthy food everyday so why can't you let him have a treat? .

Do you know the more you label certain foods as forbidden, the more he'll want them. You need to chill out.

YANBU but moderation is probably the best way to go. My dcs used to assure me that everyone ate Coco Pops for breakfast. They didn't and for sure, neither of mine were going to be offered them daily since I consider them to have virtually no nutritional value! But on the other hand, most of the children I knew who had absolute bans about certain foods just got more obsessed with them so Coco Pops were saved for Saturday morning breakfast.

Can you offer your ds chocolate spread once a week as a treat?

You say you have some left over so just give it to him once, chuck it and tell him it is all gone.

Moderation is the key - if he knows he can't have it (and it's in the cupboard) he will want it even more.

For what it's worth, my reception DS has a 70th centile BMI and is skinny as a rake (BMI is 16).

Could you ask the teacher if "all" his friends really have jam etc sandwiches? DS imagines a lot about other children's lunches...

Ds's packed lunch sort of evens itself out over the week. Today he has some popcorn for his snack and jam sandwiches, yoghurt an a couple biscuits for lunch. He gets free fruit mid afterrnoon from school.

I've just got back from the supermarket so he will healthier stuff the rest of the week - more fruit, cheese/ham sandwiches.

At first I thought u were bu but if ur genuinely concerned about his weight then YANBU

Fwiw ds (6) is 75th percentile for weight but 98th for height. You need to look at things like that together not in isolation.

YANBU as it's your call.

But I do make chocolate spread (or honey, or jam) sandwiches for packed lunches sometimes, because it's easy and and I'm lazy. I try to balance it by putting some fruit in with it instead of a cereal bar - although the 'rules' are a load of bull IMO - cereal bars are ok but chocolate bars are banned - although they both have as much fat and sugar in them .

Believe it or not Nutella has more protein and less fat than peanut butter (although sugar...).

I don't believe it. Nutella nutritional info shows 6g of protein, 56.7g of sugar and 31.6g of fat (of which 10.9 is saturated) per 100g.

However, No added sugar peanut butter has 24.9g of protein, 3.7g sugar and 50g fat (of which 10g saturated) per 100g.

I know which I'd rather DS had in his sandwiches. However he is allowed chocolate spread on his toast at weekends and has a treat (crisps or cake or biscuit) in his lunchbox on a Friday. I don't think he's clocked yet that chocolate spread can also be a sandwich filling!

I agree with BettySwollocks, use up what's in the cupboard, then it's gone and the problem is solved!

Moderation is definately the key. At one point my ds would only eat cheese spread sandwiches or peanut butter sandwiches. Then school banned peanut butter (and all nuts) so he was down to cheese spread sandwiches.
At that point, i wanted more variation in his diet and he now has a selection of sandwich fillings each week. Chocolate spread is one of them.
As long as they get fresh air and exercise I cant see a problem with a "treat" sandwich once per week.

At DC primary school lunches are checked for contraband on the 'not allowed' list includes chocolate spread, jam, peanut butter, sausage rolls and cakes, Biscuit bars are banned even the cereal types. If a child has a banned item they are not allowed to eat and a post it note is attached to it telling you why and asking you to refer to the list