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AIBU?

to wonder why it's ok to insult slim people but not overweight people on MN?

120 replies

RidingInCarsWithBoys · 17/03/2013 21:55

Just for the record I don't think it's ok to insult anyone over looks/weight/height etc.

But seriously some of the comments I have read about slim people on here are just disgusting.

Slim people look "poorly", "aged" are "boring" etc.

For some reason it seems ok on here to make nasty comments directed at slim people, but if you dare make a comment about overweight people you will get flamed by the flames of hell.

Aibu?

OP posts:

Report

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 17/03/2013 23:15

Worra - were you a nice weight or definitely underweight when she said that?

freerangeeggs · 17/03/2013 23:21

Thanks, MyHeadWasInTheSand :) I was only about 21 at the time and they just made me feel rotten - I think because my Weightwatchers meetings were somewhere that I'd always felt supported. I'd have said something nowadays... in fact I'd probaby be wearing a sign

I'm happy again now, but we did have a wobbly period (literally :P ) in between!

MomaP · 17/03/2013 23:21

Oh honey, if this discussion was in my front living room, those discussing would also be kindly told to 'shut the fuck up'!!

WorraLiberty · 17/03/2013 23:23

Definitely underweight without any shadow of a doubt.

5ft 3" and around 6st 6lbs.

But even if I had been a 'nice' weight, the fact is she chose to shout something so personal across the pub and didn't think she had done anything wrong.

TheChaoGoesMu · 17/03/2013 23:23

Its true. When I was really slim lots of people made negative comments about my weight. Now I'm fat, noone says anything. Well, apart from the bastard in a nightclub who asked me if I was expecting 6 months after having dc1. And then informed me that I should have made the effort to lose the weight by now

RidingInCarsWithBoys · 17/03/2013 23:24

Oh honey, if this discussion was in my front living room, those discussing would also be kindly told to 'shut the fuck up'!!

The discussion being that it's not ok to fat or thin bash .... you would kindly tell someone to shut the fuck for holding that view? Right ...

I think you clearly have weight and anger issues.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 17/03/2013 23:25

Yes well it isn't in your living room is it 'honey'?

It's a public discussion forum where people are free to discuss topics they find interesting without you telling them to shut the fuck up. It's the whole point of having a discussion forum is it not?

Do you see the difference?

TheChaoGoesMu · 17/03/2013 23:26

Yes well it isn't in your living room is it 'honey'?

soontobeburns · 17/03/2013 23:27

OP I can see you took my comment out of context. myfriends, yes mine who I know personally, are forever complaining that they have cellulite, their thighs are too big, they have no boobs etc and wont let their OHs see them naked and are ashamed of their body, to the point of grooming for hours a day to "look better"

Whereas I embrace my body and am happy with how I look and am all for walking around naked and feeling sexy.

So yes I am happier in my body than my skinnier friends.

MomaP · 17/03/2013 23:35

Yawn.

Anger issues? On a "discussion" forum, where certain grown women will happily bash other people's weight, whether that'd be over/under weight. If that's how it comes across, fine

I'm just stooping to some of the "grown adults" level, really

LeslieWink1e · 17/03/2013 23:38

Yeh. i disagree that slim people age badly!!

RidingInCarsWithBoys · 17/03/2013 23:46

I've not bashed anyones weight - neither has anyone else on this thread.

OP posts:

RedToothBrush · 17/03/2013 23:51

Oh honey, if this discussion was in my front living room, those discussing would also be kindly told to 'shut the fuck up'!!

I love people like you. You are a prime target to wind up from my living room.

Yes, it does matter. This subject is a way of controlling and belittling others.
Its not big or clever. And its definitely not cool.

I am happier in my body than my smaller friends.
Kind of the comments I'm referring to.

Its totally ironic isn't it? If someone on MN posts that they are a small size or are a low/normal weight, they automatically get called as making a 'stealth boast'. Yet comments like that are completely fine.

Frankly I would quite like to punch the morons who come up with the 'stealth boast' remark sometimes, as its ridiculous that you are not able to simply state fact without being somehow being perceived as gloating. The vast majority of the time, its not remotely boasting yet its common for the fucknuts out there to read far too much into it and try and drag people down and give them a good kicking for just being themselves.

I've called people on it quite regularly.

I know plenty of women with issues with their body size - of all shapes and sizes; they are generally like that because some bitch thinks its ok to remark on their body in a negative way.

I would quite like it if every women on MN was able to 'boast' or 'stealth boast' about her body if she bloody well wants to - provided it doesn't put down other women in any way - because this is known as being comfortable and being confident with your own body.

This is a good thing that should be encouraged and not used as a fucking put down.

RidingInCarsWithBoys · 17/03/2013 23:57

OP I can see you took my comment out of context

I don't I did.

Why couldn't you just say - I'm a size 24 and happy and confident with myself.

Why not leave it at that?

It's the fact that you felt the need to say that you are happier than your skinner friends. Why is it relevant how happy/unhappy your friends are with their weight?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 18/03/2013 00:02

RedToothBrush absolutely well said.

Honey

Darkesteyes · 18/03/2013 00:03

ChaugoesMu the sort of bloke that comes up and makes those kind of comments in a nightclub is the same sort of bloke that will go home and abuse his partner.
Because blokes who make those kinds of comments think women are second class citezens who should only be valued for their looks.
People like him are talked about quite frequently on the EveryDaySexism and Hollaback websites.

RidingInCarsWithBoys · 18/03/2013 00:05

RedToothBrush absolutely well said

Yes high-five Red

OP posts:

soontobeburns · 18/03/2013 00:22

Did you not read the start of my orginal post op where I explained about how media and society protrays thin people are happy and confident in their bodies tobe envied and fat people as unhappy and depressed.

Thats why I felt the need to mention it because it was saying that the perception was wrong. And that you can be skinny and unhappy with your body and fat and happy.

Ffs learn to read the whole post before making comments.

garlicbrain · 18/03/2013 00:28

Why couldn't you just say - I'm a size 24 and happy and confident with myself.

I'd imagine because obese people are subject to a constant barrage of criticism, from rude young men to 'concerned' acquaintances, to their doctor, the government, newspapers & magazines ... all casually telling them they're bad and wrong because of their body size. It makes obese people feel got at, because they are got-at. Understandable if they feel defensive! When obese women say they're comfortable in their bodies, the vast majority assume they are lying, and tell them so, or assume they don't even know what it's like to feel happy in their bodies. So it's understandable that they'd offer a comparison with thinner friends, to try and head off those criticisms.

It makes me wonder, what if I had said - I'm a size 6 and thin yet I'm happier in my body than my bigger friends

Actually, if you'd said you're a size 6 and underweight, there might be some concern. You may have been too busy taking offence at minor slights to have notice there've been several anorexia threads recently. Unlike obesity, severe underweight causes multiple organ failure and death.

Yes, a seriously underweight person might look ill and be ill. Haven't you thought of that? Would you like everyone to ignore their apparent frailty, or perhaps say how nice they look?

BlatantRedhead · 18/03/2013 00:28

I completely get that in the same way being overweight can be unhealthy, being underweight is also an issue. However I eat like a horse, and not even particularly healthily but people feel its ok to say there's something wrong with me, to talk about my weight in front of me as if I'm not there and make all sorts of comparisons which I don't think would happen if I was overweight.

THIS. exactly this. I've struggled with being underweight my whole life and have always hated my body. I've tried every weight-gain product there is. People think its perfectly ok to tell me how skinny I am, how ill I look, ask me if I realise that its not really attractive to be so emaciated?!!

I get sick of people judging me by my weight, I've been called anorexic, bulimic etc. In school an overweight girl held my wrist up and announced to her mates that at least she didn't look like that. No reasonable, decent person would EVER comment on a fat persons weight but being thin seems to make you fair game. It is utterly infuriating.

BlatantRedhead · 18/03/2013 00:29

jeez, that turned into a proper rant.. sorry!

RidingInCarsWithBoys · 18/03/2013 00:29

Examples of thin-bashing on MN -

They strut around and have marvellous confidence although their faces look a bit haggy.

Pitied slim, willowy girls who couldn't get a dance because their faces were a bit Picasso

underfed kind of skinny look

The slimiest mum at school always looks ill

Obsessed with looking like the skinny film stars and models, who do not look healthy

OP posts:

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RidingInCarsWithBoys · 18/03/2013 00:33

Yes, a seriously underweight person might look ill and be ill. Haven't you thought of that? Would you like everyone to ignore their apparent frailty, or perhaps say how nice they look?

Oh course being underweight can make you look and be ill. I'm saying that it's unfair to throw out insults about peoples weight regardless of what size they are.

I was making the point that if I had said I'm a size 6 and thin and much happier than my fat friends I would get flamed.

But the opposite generally doesn't.

OP posts:

garlicbrain · 18/03/2013 00:35

OP, you said you were referring to comments made on fat-bashing threads.

You do seem to be taking a remarkably one-sided view.

BlatantRedhead: "I get sick of people judging me by my weight ... no reasonable, decent person would EVER comment on a fat persons weight"

Neither would they comment on a thin person's weight. Fat people get sick of people judging them by their weight, too.

roundtheback · 18/03/2013 00:46

I was astonished by the bitchy comments I got from women when I was at my slimmest. Not hurt or upset, just astonished that they seemed to think it was acceptable to say these things.

I have a view about the general trend towards obesity in this country, but I wouldn't dream of making a direct and unpleasant comment to someone who is overweight.

There is definitely a double standard at play on MN around anything to do with weight. I notice it all the time.

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