to wonder why it's ok to insult slim people but not overweight people on MN?

[RidingInCarsWithBoys]

Just for the record I don't think it's ok to insult anyone over looks/weight/height etc.

But seriously some of the comments I have read about slim people on here are just disgusting.

Slim people look "poorly", "aged" are "boring" etc.

For some reason it seems ok on here to make nasty comments directed at slim people, but if you dare make a comment about overweight people you will get flamed by the flames of hell.

Aibu?

[ScentedNappyHag]

I disagree that people are more comfortable insulting skinny people than fat people.
I'm a size 14 ish, 5 foot 4- so chubby, but not worryingly large- and can barely leave the house without my weight being commented on by friends and strangers alike. The worst part is, they act like they're doing me a favour and that I should be grateful that they've pointed out how un attractive they find me
I don't remember anyone commenting in any way other than positive when I was underweight.
Yes, I completely, totally, utterly agree that no one should be made to feel embarrassed or badly about their body.
I've seen many more threads defending the right to be skinny than I have posts criticising the same.

[MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot]

There is not a double standard At All. There are LOADS of fat bashing threads, I have not seen a single skinny bashing thread - there's the occasional 'back lash post' but not entire threads.

[roundtheback]

Maybe not entire threads, no. But the attitudes as a whole are very much more weighted in one direction than the other.

[garlicbrain]

... this is so making me want to start a skinny-bashing thread

[RidingInCarsWithBoys]

OP, you said you were referring to comments made on fat-bashing threads.

You do seem to be taking a remarkably one-sided view.

Perhaps ... but what I'm trying to say is -

Yes there are fat threads, started quite a lot. Which is unfair and I don't think they should be started.

But those threads the person who starts them gets flamed - big time. Fairly so most of the time.

But the responses from a lot of posters seem to be bashing thin people instead.

It's not ok to do one, and it's not ok to do the other.

[purplepenguin86]

YANBU. Unfortunately it isn't just on MN - it is everywhere. People seem to think it is perfectly acceptable to tell someone to their face that they are too thin, when they wouldn't dream of telling someone overweight that they are too fat. I also found people felt they had the right to comment on everything I ate/bought - even complete strangers. People don't seem to realise how rude they are being.

[FreakoidOrganisoid]

I haven't noticed it too much on mn, but a couple of my fb friends are forever posting those e card type things of "real women have curves" "men like real women" "I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and a bitch"

I ignored for a while. Then took to posting comments along the lines of it being possible to celebrate your own size without insulting others. Now I have hidden them from my newsfeed. They honestly don't see that it's the equivalent of me posting "fat women are all cows"

[hamdangle]

I agree purple penguin. It is rude to comment on a person's weight/dress size/what they eat, full stop but when you are thin people seem to think it's fine to say what they like and you're not allowed to be offended because 'what do you have to be upset about?'

There are two women in my work who constantly comment on my weight and what I eat. If I eat crisps, chocolate or anything fatty it's like I'm invisible but if I eat something healthy like salad, pick at my food or dare to not finish it they always comment. 'Not finishing that again? That's why she's so thin!' I can feel them watching me every time I eat and waiting for something to comment on.

I refused a cake that was being passed around at break because I said I'd had a bacon sandwich for breakfast and was still full and one piped up 'is that you for the day now then?'

The thing that annoys me most is that they are insinuating that I have an eating disorder, a very serious and often deadly mental health issue, and I don't. But I think what if I had? Surely their bitchy comments would make me worse!

[maddening]

They're all wrong - those commenting on slim people come from a point of jealousy. Those commenting on overweight people come from a point of disgust and hatred - tbh the overweight folk receive more vitriol Imo.

Whether jeajealousy or disgust neither is positive.

[maddening]

Just wanted to add that often when the op of a fat thread gets flamed you still get a lot of supporters of the fat folk are lazy and greedy camp

[SherbetVodka]

Maybe I've been reading the wrong threads but I've only ever seen the occasional post being rude about slim women but have seen umpteen entire threads about how awful it is to be fat

The derogatory comments about skinny women, rightly, tend to get jumped on straight away but if you read a fat bashing thread, most of the posts will be agreeing with the negative comments about fat people. I think it's far, far more acceptable to make anti-fat comments on mumsnet than it is to make anti-thin ones.

By the way, I've been on the receiving end of bitchy anti-skinny remarks myself (although not for many years). It used to irritate me no end but I always put it down to envy and in a way it actually made me feel slightly smug.

[Mooshbag]

My BMI is within the normal range, I think it's around 22....and that's with doing lots of walking out and about with DD. People always go on about size and what I eat. Surely if I wasn't waiting enough, I would be under weight?

Even if i have the same amount of food on my plate, I will still be told that I'm not eating very much. It drives me crazy. If I say to my friend "I had a pasta salad for lunch" she'll only hear 'salad' ' and mske a size related comment. We were out with a group once and she announced to the table ''look how little Moosh is eating'' .

When we're in an Indian reesturant I prefer to serve my food in lots of small helpings rather than pile it all on my plate...

Anyway, my rant is now over.

[hairtearing]

I've seen some really nasty comments about fat people on here OP,

extremes of weight don't look good on anybody.

[Fairydogmother]

I've lost 3.5 stone since last August and my bmi is now 22. Now people keep saying things like don't lost anymore, being thin isn't a quest you know etc etc

All because I don't fill my face daily with scones and biscuits like they do.

Fat or thin bashing just isn't on and nearly everyone is sensitive about their weight and how they look!

[twitchycurtains]

There is far more fat bashing threads than skinny bashing ones. Predjudice and fat bashing is pretty much the norm in every day life, it's seen as perfectly acceptable to make comments about over-weight person ranging from thinly disguised digs to all out disgust.

Being slim and even very slim is still seen as being more socially acceptable than being overweight so find it laughable when it is portrayed as the other way around. All I see on MN are threads started to stealth boast about how a size 10 in the naughties is really a size 20 and so called vanity sizing, which then descend to full on fat bashing, even dead for decades bloody Marilyn gets dug up and put front and centre, she wasn't a size 16 you deluded fatties, here, put on this corset and put down the pies.

[garlicbrain]

" I don't fill my face daily with scones and biscuits like they do."

Ahem ...

[Blowin]

Mooshbag i hear you! I am exactly the same, and no matter how much i scoff in front of friends and family, they are still convinced I eat nothing!

[HaveAGoHeroine]

My BMI is usually somewhere between 21 and 22, so not underweight by a long shot but I still get lots of weight and food related comments.

When I was fat, with a BMI of 30+, I never got a single comment from friends or family, never. Now I'm slimmer apparently they feel free to criticise at will, one even said that I was far too skinny now but that she supposes that's better than being fat like I used to be. She went on to tell me how everyone used to talk about how I was so overweight but no one liked to say anything.

The misconception I hate most is

fat = happy, bubbly, lots of personality
thin = miserable, strict, boring

Because I can say with certainty that I am more bubbly and happy as a slim person than I ever was as a very miserable overweight person.

[RedToothBrush]

All I see on MN are threads started to stealth boast about how a size 10 in the naughties is really a size 20 and so called vanity sizing, which then descend to full on fat bashing, even dead for decades bloody Marilyn gets dug up and put front and centre, she wasn't a size 16 you deluded fatties, here, put on this corset and put down the pies.

Gah! But Marilyn is used as an example to say how women in the media have got thinner and its all modern day culture and how its even more 'anti-fat'. So those threads piss me off, as they are based on a total myth that doesn't help women anymore on either side of the fence.

The truth is, based on her measurements from her dress maker and clothes that she wore a size 4-6UK most of her life and that she was little more than a size 8 at her biggest.

This is important to understand as it gives an indication of how women who are thinner are now cast as 'unnatural' and pandering to modern culture.

It is also important to understand how this myth is being used to distort by perception providing a cultural norm that isn't based on reality.

The very thing that the modern media are being slagged off for, is being employed here, in perhaps an even more sinister way. At least we all know that modern day celebrities are stick thin and everything is airbrushed to fuck. To aspire to Marilyn's figure under the misguided notion that she was a size 16 when she simply wasn't, is exactly the same thing.

It is far better to understand that Marilyn faced the same lack of body confidence and battled against the same attitudes. It is a far more liberating and truthful explanation of the reality and more helpful for changing current attitudes. The reality that DOES include vanity sizing and a changing idea of what is healthy and whats unhealthy. If people want to pretend that changes in body size have not happened since the 1950s or even 1970/80s then fine. But don't have a go at people who do accept this - which is based not just on vanity sizing, but also on researchers - both medically based and market research based - actually measuring the average woman in the UK.

Instead you get this idea of 'stealth boasts' when people say they are a size 10, when they are trying to illustrate what has happened in the last 50 years. Its awful because they are attacked for simply telling the truth.

Now we have a situation where not only is it 'bad' to be fat, but its also 'bad' to be thin. How is that a good thing?

Marilyn was a sex symbol because she had fantastic curves. Despite being small. She hasn't be liposuctioned or airbrushed to death. And after years of all this crap about 'real women having curves' its actually refreshing to use her to point out that yes, real women DO have curves. They can also be a size UK4 and look nice and 'healthy' rather than this automatic assumption of 'ill'. I personally would quite like to reclaim her for smaller women for that reason.

That does not mean that bigger women can't also be damn sexy and wonderfully attractive AND HEALTHY. I would really like women to be represented by someone who actually fits this description in the media, rather than having to use someone who is nothing more than a myth. Because thats of more use and a more positive message.

Rather than this crap attacking others in the process of trying to justify your size and how much you eat.

I am small. I should not eat as much as other people because I do not need to eat as much as other people. This is not a stealth boast. This is a fact. A fact that any doctor will tell you. A fact that any calorie calculator will tell you. People should not be comparing what they need and what they eat with me. Yet they do. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. You'd think this was rocket science to explain as being utter bollocks. Or something hideously taboo.

How does this help me? How does this help them?

Compare like for like. Don't beat up others for simply being different. Celebrate whats great about your body. Cos everyone has got SOMETHING, even if they aren't 'perfect' and really don't like their whole body for whatever reason.

[SherbetVodka]

All I see on MN are threads started to stealth boast about how a size 10 in the naughties is really a size 20 and so called vanity sizing, which then descend to full on fat bashing, even dead for decades bloody Marilyn gets dug up and put front and centre, she wasn't a size 16 you deluded fatties, here, put on this corset and put down the pies.

Perfectly put. And Redtoothbrush's rant in reply to you illustrates your point beautifully

[RedToothBrush]

If it illustrates anything, it illustrates how upsetting for everyone it is that size is something you are made to be ashamed of.

[BramshawHill]

Maddening - isn't your post KIND of the point of this thread? Not all comments come from a point of jealousy (in the case of larger people) or disgust (from smaller people) as that suggests the slimmer people are the ones to be envied by everyone else.

In most cases of bullying like this, its a 'you're not like me, I disapprove' point of view, surely?

[garlicbrain]

There's a ton of fatty-bullying on this thread. The weirdest thing is that those thin-skinned skinnies, who make the fat-ist remarks, don't seem to notice how casually they bully others while complaining about being bullied.

[Lueji]

The truth is, based on her measurements from her dress maker and clothes that she wore a size 4-6UK most of her life and that she was little more than a size 8 at her biggest.

Never!
I wear a size 8, or a large 6.
Marilyn would have to be at least a 10.

[garlicbrain]

Marilyn?s reported measurements (both studio and dressmaker claims) from marilynmonroe.com, the official Marilyn website maintained by CMG Worldwide, the representative for Marilyn?s estate. They are: 37-23-36 (Studio?s Claim), 35-22-35 (Dressmaker?s Claim), and height: 5 feet 5 1/2 inches.

Marilyn went through a period of depression and ate compulsively, gaining enough weight to put her at 140 lbs. (The studio claims that Marilyn weighed between 115 and 120 lbs., at a height of 5?5 1/2″.) A weight of 140 at a height of 5?5 1/2″ would result in a BMI of 22.9, well below the cut-off BMI of 24.9 for ?overweight.? At 140 lbs. she was reportedly unhappy, but was still able to go out in public and be revered as a sex goddess.

From this site because it quotes verifiable sources.

35-22-35 would put her at a size 12 bust, size 6 waist and size 8 hips in contemporary standard sizing. She did, however, wear her clothes so tight that they regularly split. It's quite likely she was a top-heavy size 10.