To think if people read a message you send (text/fb/other), they could at least reply?

[sneezingwakesthebaby]

I know, I know, a Facebook aibu!

Am I being unreasonable to think that if you read a message someone has sent on Facebook and you are still online (green little symbol telling me), there's no real reason to click the message, read it but then not bother to reply?

I don't want to go into details and out myself in case the person is on here but they do this time and time again. Message me a long thing about how we should really meet up soon, I reply and they read my reply and just never bother to respond. I can see they have read it (just like the last two times they did this) and I know I won't get a reply again.

I just don't get why they message me in the first place if they don't actually want to do whatever they suggest. I wouldn't bother with them anymore but because of who they are I have to keep up appearances and reply or it will cause aggravation.

I know its not a big deal really but it happens a lot. Am I being unreasonable?

I'm guilty of doing this quite often. It's usually because I genuinely want to stay in contact with the person, so am trying to start a chat/arrange something, but then DS starts crying or gets hold of something or bumps, or phone rings, or dog starts barking so on and I end up glancing at the message then rushing off thinking "I'll reply in a minute" which usually turns into a few hours/a day or 2

I know it's a terrible reason, but it's not deliberate, I just get very forgetful and usually either think the other person didn't reply or think I have replied already. If your friend has young children as is a bit forgetful that's probably why!

It is a bit weird if they don't message you back after sending one first.

You shouldn't take it too seriously and let it wind you up though, just don't fall into the trap again and ignore any of their messages. If you really feel you can't, just keep it short and sweet.

Do you like them?

I'm not very good at answering stuff either, but it's me not them.

They do have a small child so that could be part of it. They did update their status several times within the hour following the time they saw my message so that made me feel a bit like well if they can do that why can't they reply? I do need to take it less seriously though. I did ignore them for a long time and its only because of family pressure that I have tried again and its just the same again so I feel like a twat for giving in. So maybe actually its less that I'm angry or annoyed at them for not replying but more at myself for being gullible again!

Green little symbol means your computer/phone is still online, not that you're still looking at it! I often go off to deal with kids and find someone's left me a message thinking I'm there. Don't think I'm your messagee tho, my friends have figured out I do this

I'm afraid that these things rankle with me so I would be inclined to back off and not contact them again until they had replied

I quite often read a message and think "I need to reply to that" but then it takes me some time/mental energy to think about when would be a good time to get together and what I should suggest we do, if I need childcare etc. And then sometimes I forget about it if I don't reply immediately.

My computer is generally connected all the time so it looks like I'm online, whereas I may be off doing any manner of things. Also, if I get a message that comes through on my phone, I'll often read but not reply until I'm actually at my computer where it's a lot easier to type and not deal with auto-correct.

Same as MajaBiene.

I often send a message but don'treally expect a reply straight away, I treat it in the same way as email. Someone showing up as online doesn't really mean much. I may be actively online but doing something completely different, if my notifications for that device are set up for that site /app a message will flash up, I may or may not take heed.

I'm not sure when I show up as being online these days. I try to set everything as don't show to make life easy but I only allow those close to me to have acess via social media. The reality is I'm not often off line, mobile, iPod, ipad, netbook, pc or TV . I may read a message on my mobile whilst walking along, read it, the pn decide I'll reply later.

Thanks everybody for your replies. That does all make sense. I think its just made me sad as the last two times there never was an eventual reply and I feel so bloody thick for falling for it again. I can see the last message that they ignored too and it makes me feel like a right plonker.

Some people are just a bit distracted (or a bit crap) and don't reply to many things. But if your friend is suggesting you meet up and then not responding to your reply there's something weird going on. Maybe she doesn't mean it and you should just ignore next time - see if she pursues it and if not, no sweat.

I had this with my friend last week. She lost her phone so was only contactable by Facebook, sent her a message asking her to meet up - she read it and never replied.

I would perhaps message saying something like - hi, just a quick reminder as I can see that you read the last message so just let me know when you're free and we can sort something out for meeting up.

That sounds desperate. I think if your friend read an offer to meet up and ignored it, they're not a very good friend.

Meh I usually have more than one window open at once. I'm on FB now as it happens. I'll hear that "blimp" telling me I have a message, I'll acknowledge the blimp, I'll think "Oh, must respond to blimp"... I even get as far as reading the message, I often think "Yes, lets get together soon, I'll check my diary now", I will go and check my paper diary (bit old fashioned with a love of real stationary) and by the time I get back to my many windowed down time I'll forget to check again, forget to respond, forget why I looked at my diary in the first place and carry on regardless.

Or maybe I'm simply doing a jigsaw in full screen mode.

Anyhoo. YABU. Pick up the damn phone, text, FB message, and knock on the door. Send a carrier pigeon if you must. How does your friend USUALLY respond to you? If the answer is 'not at all' then I think that's you answer. If the answer is "we usually meet up when we're on the phone and have our diaries in front of us" BINGO!

I ignore so many people of FB 'blinp' chat... it's not ignorance, it's just I can't be arsed changing my settings, am busy elsewhere and you know, if you REALLY want to speak to me, phone me please.

Other than that YANBU at all.

Not always convenient

I think sometimes there's a delay too if a person WAS on facebook ( green light showing) and them going offline. My iphone sometimes shows them as available and my laptop shows not. This is because the facebook iphone app is really rather rubbish

I can't stand being 'stalked' on FB, i.e. people seeing I am online and expecting me to be available to chat and seeming surprised or unhappy if I don't respond. I may be away from the computer or have several tabs open but am looking only at one. These days, having the iPad on but in another room, most of the time, probably shows as me being online, as would someone carrying their phone around in their pocket.

I almost stopped using FB because of someone with this attitude, because I had to moderate my use around them, i.e. not post anything while they wanted to chat, even though replying to or chatting to them took time and effort and sometimes required checking dates or other info not immediately available, whereas a quick comment or update did not.

If you really want to make an arrangement with someone, why not call them and actually speak?

Did anyone read my OP or my other post? It isn't a friend and I didn't contact them, they contacted me. I only replied due to family pressure to give this person another chance. I won't be ringing them or "actually speaking" or chasing them up about plans as this is the third time they have approached me with plans, the third time I've been gullible enough to reply and the third time they have ignored my replies. I haven't "stalked" them either. I saw they had made several status updates as it came up on my newsfeed and saw that I hadn't received a message so based on the last two times and as I was certain I was being messed about again, I checked to see if they had read my reply and ignored it like the last times or if I was being silly and they hadnt read it at all.

I'm guilty of doing this, but only because I feel you should write a message slowly and with meaning instead of rushing words on a screen. I never reply to messages I read straightaway and it's not because I'm rude, it's because I'm being respectful.

I'm another who's guilty of this - but it's not deliberate, simply a case of having that much going on in my head with the kids & work etc that I don't get round to replying! I do love my friends though so it's not a case if not wanting to reply, simply a case of me being a bit shit at replying!

When you send an email/text etc you are assuming that the person is able to reply straight away, they might have sneakily read it whilst in a situation where they can't reply, then forget about it. Don't take it to heart, get out there and live a bit rather than worrying about minor stuff like this and if you want better communication the how about you pick the phone and call people?

This is why I have instant chat turned off on FB.

Yes I read your OP. Your complaint isn't actually about use of FB at all, it's about someone proposing then not confirming arrangements, which they would probably do in any medium, maybe even face to face, in a 'lets do lunch' insincere, or 'wouldn't it be lovely to...' dreamy way.

You've presented your issue as one about useage of FB though, so it's perfectly reasonable that people are explaining that the way you use it is not the way others do, so your expectations in that specific regard are not reasonable.

You sound very easily upset. If this person doesn't really matter to you, then the fact they haven't confirmed anything doesn't really matter. You seem concerned that you've lost face by 'falling for' their time wasting but they are probably too flakey to notice, so nobody thinks badly of you, except you.

I have one very old friend who I see maybe twice a year who has always been a bit rubbish about keeping in touch/prone to blowing people out etc. whenever I see or hear from her she lays it on with a trowel ("we must do a better job of seeing each other more often" etc etc) but then invariably doesn't respond to invitations or is never available. I think some people like the idea of being friends with some people but don't actually want to follow through on seeing them: maybe they find it difficult to be honest with themselves about who their real friends are. I have come to terms with this now: I still am fond of this person but I know she is unreliable and best kept at a certain distance. I think sometimes you have to just accept that some people will always do this and not expect too much. Alternatively she may just be really busy. How well do you know her?

That 'seen' thing drives me nuts. And the little green circle. I virtually never turn my computer off during the day, so I'm always 'on' facebook but that doesn't mean I always want to talk to people any more than the fact my phone is on means I always want a chat.

I don't understand why this person gets in touch then doesn't respond to your reply, and that is just bizarre, but maybe they're quite scatty or maybe you're expecting a reply sooner than they can manage? Just spit it out to them that you're beginning to be confused why they get in touch if they're not going to follow it up.

I wonder if they don't also have 'family pressure' to get in touch but are actually too busy really.