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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

man going to wedding of OHs sister when OH home

31 replies

nevertoolate26 · 16/03/2013 20:13

Ok this is rather confusing. I've just been on the phone to my sister in law. Her OH and my OH are brothers. She's currently homeless with her three kids and OH and staying with her mum until she sorts out a place. She's been looking - reason they were homeless was because the place they were supposed to move into was then given to someone else so she's still looking to rent. Her OH thinks they should go to the council housing place and register as homeless, apparantely they then get a b&b and then eventually a council place. She's stopping at her mum's as she doesn't want to put her kids through that (been there a week) and is looking for suitable accomodation every day. She's doing the leg work, has the funds to secure the place, and is looking for a suitable 'home' for her kids. His attitude is you can go to the council and sort it out, you're making it harder on ppurpose so fu** off - to her! Oh and he's been in an out of prison - twice in the last four months.
Now, HER sister's wedding was today. She obviously didn't want to go as she's too stressed and her priority is the house hunt. She sent the kids with family as she had their clothes ready and wanted them to have a good time. She was ok with him going up until yesterday, when he was out all day and when she asked where he was he said 'what am I going to do at home with the kids'. Then she says 'grow some balls which man goes to his mrs wedding when he can't even get a place'.
He then went and got the pity vote from everyone - prob an excuse - as to why he isn't going. Texting everyone, incl her sister, her mum,... telling them she said he can't go and to be a man.
Now, I've had a row with my OH - I said she was damn right. OH said he'd still go if we were in that situation.
Are we being unreasonable in thinking he's a pathetic fu** up and should not be going to the wedding and putting looking for a house first? If my OH did that I'd finish with him.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 16/03/2013 20:18

It was a bit confusing. If I have this right, her sister is getting married, she isn't going, their DC are and her OH wants to go.

I think YABU as it is not up to you.

SIBU because it is her sister's wedding and she should go. She isn't roofless.

HINBU to go, since I think she should have gone too.

Everyone sounds very drama.

BuggedByJake · 16/03/2013 20:19

Is this one of those T-rex/ Sharon threads?!

HollyBerryBush · 16/03/2013 20:20

All very JK isn't it?

FWIW I think he's right - council, declare homeless, suffer a B&B (which probably wont happen), councils have emergency homes at immediate disposal.

Prima Donna not going to her sisters wedding.

JaquelineHyde · 16/03/2013 20:24

She should have gone to the wedding.

She should have kicked her looser OH to the kerb long ago so I have no sympathy for her.

However, she cannot just go to the council and get housed (b and b or otherwise) as they are not homeless. For them to be counted as homeless her mother would have to kick them out.

She could go and put their names down on the housing list and see if anything comes up, which is what I would be doing as well as looking for a private rental.

Obviously creating a drama out of nothing is of more importance.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 16/03/2013 20:26

She can't take one day off house hunting to go to the wedding of her sister?

I realise she is focused on finding a home, but come ON. Her sister's wedding!

What's the real reason she's not going?

I think it's really odd to not go to your sister's wedding because you're looking for a home, when you're not on the streets or anything. One day, for such a major event?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 16/03/2013 20:27

oh, wedding was today. Well, what's done is done. I think it's weird as hell to not go to your sister's wedding for that reason.

deleted203 · 16/03/2013 20:28

Drama llamas! She didn't want to go to her own sister's wedding? I'd be pissed off with her antics if I was her sister, TBH. He wanted to go to council and register as homeless - which they are. But she refused.

He went to her sister's wedding. As she should have done. And it's nowt to do with you, really, is it? You've had a row with your OH because you've slagged off his brother and had a right go at him over something that's not your business.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 16/03/2013 20:29

I your sil is the one being unreasonable in that senario, she had no good reason not to go to the wedding and she shouldn't have made her oh miss it if he wanted to go

nevertoolate26 · 16/03/2013 20:29

I never told her not to go or that he was right or wrong - just what she told me and then the conversation I had with my OH.
Hmm, you're right, she should have gone.
M time of the month so I'm allowed to be dramatic - don't worry I only listened to her didn't make any remarks. I've learnt to keep my mouth shut when it comes to family as it often gets thrown back in your face!!

OP posts:
Morloth · 16/03/2013 20:32

I don't get it, why can't they go to the wedding?

OhDearieDearieMe · 16/03/2013 20:32

What in the name of holy smoke is that all about? It's all a bit he said she said then I turned round and said and he turned round and said then he's gone and I've gone .................... and so on.

Is it actually any of your business?

nevertoolate26 · 16/03/2013 20:32

sowornout - I didn't have a go at my OH because of their dramas. I had a go because of our own issues. I should apologise for slagging off his brother even if he is a waste of space.
Perhaps there are other reasons for not going to the wedding. Who knows. I should learn to keep my beak out of other peoples' affairs.
Slaps wrist.

OP posts:
deleted203 · 16/03/2013 20:36

Sorry. Misunderstood your post, obviously. I thought you and OH had had a big row over the 'wedding' dramas.

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 16/03/2013 20:37

I can't believe that anyone would put house hunting above their own sister's wedding. Does she not like her or something?

INeedThatForkOff · 16/03/2013 20:38

Your time of the month gives you an excuse to be dramatic? Get over yourself FFS.

toomanyfionas · 16/03/2013 20:42

I really think she needs to go to her sister's wedding. Being stressed is not a reason to miss a family wedding.

As for him, well clearly he's a drop kick.

BarredfromhavingStella · 16/03/2013 22:07

Ahhhh, finish with him ,fuck me that's a phrase I haven't heard since I was about 14 Hmm

Ullena · 16/03/2013 22:54

Having been homeless once, I would prioritise the househunting over the wedding too, tbh. Sending the DCs to it also gave them a nice day out with family, got her a break, and will look good when/if she files for divorce...eg she stayed focused on putting a roof over their heads as opposed to enjoying herself so I can sort of see why she didn't go.

Sorry, am horribly cynical. And I hate weddings. All weddings. Even my own. Just have a total hatred of weddings. Always have done, ever since early childhood.

Congrats to the bride and groom, btw Flowers

Ullena · 16/03/2013 22:55

Also the last wedding I went to ended up with everyone getting food poisoning...

IneedAsockamnesty · 16/03/2013 23:03

If I was homeless I would prioritise obtaining suitable housing over every thing.

But because your op was rather disjointed and not very well written lots of jumped up gits are going to be all over it like a rash and flame you.

Some times around here it seams like you could write a op about wanting to stop evil people kicking cute little puppies,but if your not very good at expressing yourself or spelling then nobody will agree with you.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/03/2013 08:33

Thing is tho sock the SiL is not homeless, she very clearly has a roof over her head.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 17/03/2013 08:44

She has her mother's roof over her head which is not the same thing.

As for going down to the council...if he wants to why hasn't he done so?

If I'd been her sister I'd have been disappointed but I'd have understood but then again I'm not precious about weddings.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/03/2013 08:59

chaotic
It may not be "her" roof over her head but she is not homeless.

"As for going down to the council...if he wants to why hasn't he done so?"

Because the SiL would have to agree to it and she doesn't seem to want to.

OP
Does your SiL consider herself homeless?

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/03/2013 09:01

chaotic

Sorry, I think that I misunderstood your post.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/03/2013 09:27

Its quite fair to use the title homeless. Because that's what they are, you don't have to be street homeless to be homeless

If she considers herself homeless
Shelter would consider her to be homeless
She fits the criteria to be accepted as homeless by the LA

Then its safe to say she's homeless.