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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

man going to wedding of OHs sister when OH home

31 replies

nevertoolate26 · 16/03/2013 20:13

Ok this is rather confusing. I've just been on the phone to my sister in law. Her OH and my OH are brothers. She's currently homeless with her three kids and OH and staying with her mum until she sorts out a place. She's been looking - reason they were homeless was because the place they were supposed to move into was then given to someone else so she's still looking to rent. Her OH thinks they should go to the council housing place and register as homeless, apparantely they then get a b&b and then eventually a council place. She's stopping at her mum's as she doesn't want to put her kids through that (been there a week) and is looking for suitable accomodation every day. She's doing the leg work, has the funds to secure the place, and is looking for a suitable 'home' for her kids. His attitude is you can go to the council and sort it out, you're making it harder on ppurpose so fu** off - to her! Oh and he's been in an out of prison - twice in the last four months.
Now, HER sister's wedding was today. She obviously didn't want to go as she's too stressed and her priority is the house hunt. She sent the kids with family as she had their clothes ready and wanted them to have a good time. She was ok with him going up until yesterday, when he was out all day and when she asked where he was he said 'what am I going to do at home with the kids'. Then she says 'grow some balls which man goes to his mrs wedding when he can't even get a place'.
He then went and got the pity vote from everyone - prob an excuse - as to why he isn't going. Texting everyone, incl her sister, her mum,... telling them she said he can't go and to be a man.
Now, I've had a row with my OH - I said she was damn right. OH said he'd still go if we were in that situation.
Are we being unreasonable in thinking he's a pathetic fu** up and should not be going to the wedding and putting looking for a house first? If my OH did that I'd finish with him.

OP posts:
simplesusan · 17/03/2013 09:37

I think she should have gone to the wedding.

Lots of people have to live with family, she is not alone.

What is her dh doing about the situation? He sounds a total looser. Been in prison twice- what for?

Can she kick him out and sort herself and the kids out?

You sound supportive btw, keep offering to help her out if she needs it.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 17/03/2013 11:31

Boney no problem :)

I'm close to my mum, we have a great relationship but when DS was a baby my ex and I lived with her for a while and it put a strain on our relationship (my mum's and mine) so I can understand why she wants to find somewhere asap. Maybe she's been a little obsessive but having been where she is now I can understand it.

My main point about the DP is that he doesn't seem to be doing anything. He may not be able to register for housing but at least he could ask for advice and maybe find out more about what would happen if they were made homeless. He appears to be doing nothing.

JaquelineHyde · 17/03/2013 11:41

She would not be considered homeless by the LA because she is being housed by her mother.

It does not matter that it is not her house or if they are all sharing a spare room or a mattress in a dining room.

Her mother is housing her and therefore the LA will not label her as homeless.

Her mother would need to ask her to leave and write a letter confirming that she was no longer willing to have them stay with her.

This is standard for all LAs that I am aware of but if it is different in the OP's area I am happy to be corrected.

Also if the OP was so desperate to be housed that she felt she had to miss her sisters wedding then she would have bloody well gone to the council by now and put their names on the housing list.

Why if you are so desperate would you discount one of your options for no good reason at all!?

WafflyVersatile · 17/03/2013 11:58

Living in a B&B is likely very much worse than living at your mums (depending on what your mum and your mum's is like). Squeezing a whole family into someone else's home is homeless.

There is no harm in putting your name on the council housing list but in many areas that'll do you little good at all. You could be on it months and years and if you say you need it because you're homeless then you need a letter from your mum saying so. But then they might just put you in a B&B which is not pleasant so you'd end up back at your mum's anyway.

As for the wedding stuff. Her OH sounds like a waste of space (who could have gone through the council stuff himself instead of just saying she should do it) but if you're letting him off househunting every other day, and letting him off for whatever he's doing to land in prison, then it seems a bit odd to put your foot down for not spending this particular day on house hunting.

digerd · 17/03/2013 12:02

OP
You said if your OH did that, you would finish with him - but he told you he would?
Bit confused too about your post.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/03/2013 12:58

She would be classed as homeless under the vulnerably housed criteria.

She is seeking ulternative housing so it is fairly obvious her mother is not offering her either perminant or secure housing.

Because of that they would be found homeless but depending on the circumstances of them leaving there last settled accomadation they could be found to be intentionally homeless so they would still be homeless but the LA coud discharge their duty to house them.

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