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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AiBU to think you should buy a kid the present you promised you would?

36 replies

Kiriwawa · 16/03/2013 17:50

DS is 6. My sister asked what he wanted for his birthday so I sent her a couple of suggestions. She replied saying she'd get him X so I replied dating he'd be thrilled as it was something he really wanted.

Last weekend was his party and a couple of the children have him cash which of course was burning a hole in his pocket so I took him to the toy shop. They had an X which he really wanted to spend the money on but I wouldn't let him, saying I was pretty sure he was going to get it today when we were meeting with my family.

Today we met up, had a lovely family lunch and then presents and my sister has got him something else. He was very polite and pleased with his presents but when we were on my own a bit later he asked me why he hadn't got the X thing.

I wouldn't have mentioned it at all but he's been going on and on about this particular thing for months (since before Xmas) and I've just kept saying 'wait till your birthday'.

I just think it's really odd behaviour on her part. AIBU? I do feel like an ungrateful wretch so happy to accept I am.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kiriwawa · 16/03/2013 17:50

Please excuse typos. Am on a train posting from my phone

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 16/03/2013 17:52

Why didn't you simply ring your sister from the shop and double check that she actually had got it?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 16/03/2013 17:53

Maybe she couldn't find it?

It's not a big deal, IMO. children do have to deal with a bit of disappointment now and then. Sounds like he dealt with it really well, which is a credit to him.

YeahBuddy · 16/03/2013 17:54

Or why not wait until after you saw family to take him to the toy shop? Maybe she forgot or saw something she thought he may have liked better.

zwischenzug · 16/03/2013 17:55

That is a bit weird. Is she just really dozy and forgetful? In which case maybe as worra says you should have rung her. Otherwise I think you are right to a bit pissed off.

Original poster

Kiriwawa · 16/03/2013 17:55

She said she had got it for him on FB last week. Well she said 'I hope he likes what I've got him' and I said 'if its what you said you'd get, he'll be thrilled to bits'. She did a so assumed that meant she had.

Never assume I guess

OP posts:

zwischenzug · 16/03/2013 18:03

Oh, maybe she just likes getting kids hopes up and revelling in their disappointment then! Like one of the old gits...

ENormaSnob · 16/03/2013 18:09

I have a relative that does this all the time so I totally see your point. It's a pita especially if you've put off buying it yourself iyswim.

If asked I now just say that whatever they choose will be lovely. Much easier.

2rebecca · 16/03/2013 18:10

If that was my sister I'd phone her about it and say "I thought you were getting him x as you said you'd got it for him so we deliberately didn't buy it with his birthday present. If you're going to buy him a surprise can you tell me next time.
I must admit I don't let my kids spend their birthday money until all presnts are unwrapped, so I think you're partly to blame for not persuading him to wait a few days and not clarifying with your sister that she had definitely bought him the things she said she would.
It sounds odd though.

Losingexcessweight · 16/03/2013 18:32

I think your sister was mean.

To promise something and then go back on that, is awful at any age.

I would personally buy him the toy he was reallly waiting for and had been promised.

Hes waited ages for that toy, been told he could get it for his birthday, he got very excited about it and then he didnt get it.

He was encouraged to get his hopes up, to have them dashed.

I had this done to me as a child alot, as an adult i cant get excited about things incase things dont go as they should.

What your sister did was awful, its just made me remember a poem i did at school about disappointment.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 16/03/2013 18:41

Losing

to be fair, this has only happened once. I appreciate this happening repeatedly must be horrible

Losingexcessweight · 16/03/2013 18:46

I know it's only happened once, but reading the op sent me right back to my childhood.

If her ds hadn't been promised for ages then I would let this go.

But he had been promised for months about this toy.

That is a big deal for a child.

For a child it's the equivalent for a adult say buying a house, it's the house they really want, they have all the colour schemes planned etc and then the house sale falls through on the day of being signed over.

Changebagsandgladrags · 16/03/2013 18:47

My brother did this a few times. I started suggesting he takes DS1 out toy shopping and that seems to work.

Original poster

Kiriwawa · 17/03/2013 07:05

Yep lost, I'm going to take him to buy it today. I feel like I've let him down because I promised him he'd get it yesterday.

It's absolutely fine for her to go off piste with her present buying and next time I shall just give her a few general suggestions and leave it at that and get him specific wish list stuff myself.

It wasn't something that is hard to get, whoever suggested that. I have no idea why she didn't buy it but we don't have the kind of relationship where I can ring and ask.

OP posts:

Backtobedlam · 17/03/2013 08:07

I was going to say that she probably just took your suggestions as ideas, and either couldn't find it, or saw something she thought he'd prefer. However, her comments on fb making it sound like she'd brought the present and hadnt...that's just weird!

jumpingjackhash · 17/03/2013 08:23

I don't see how she promised your son, you made an assumption (and then led him to believe he was being given a particular thing). Surely the fact she chose and gave him a gift is the main thing? I think you sound a bit ungrateful, tbh.

Next time just offer suggestions and maybe wait until all gifts have been given before taking him shopping for anything else.

sooperdooper · 17/03/2013 08:27

I think you're being ungrateful, sounds like she was looking for suggestions in case she couldn't find anything but then saw something she thought he'd like more, it's really no big deal I'm sure she was just trying to get him something nice

Original poster

Kiriwawa · 17/03/2013 08:29

I took her at her word, jumpingjack. If an adult of sound mind tells me they're going to do something, I assume they're actually going to do it

I'm just a bit bemused as I said.

OP posts:

ll31 · 17/03/2013 08:31

yabu, its a birthday present-she gave hom a present... possibly she forgot what she promised. your ds sounds lovely

jumpingjackhash · 17/03/2013 08:34

Well you really looked at a vague post on Facebook!?

Losingexcessweight · 17/03/2013 08:39

Glad your buying him the present op.

Original poster

Kiriwawa · 17/03/2013 08:46

Maybe my OP wasn't clear. She emailed me and asked what he wanted.

I replied and said he really wants X or Y.

She replied and said, great, I will get him X.

The FB thing was (I thought) me just telling her how excited he was going to be about it.

Thank you lost, he is

OP posts:

Stinkyminkymoo · 17/03/2013 09:40

That is a bit weird and a bit mean.

However my motto is 'assumption is the mother of all fuckups' so I wouldn't have let him spend any money until after his birthday.

Nice of you to get it for him any way. What was the present?

Losingexcessweight · 17/03/2013 09:48

Sometimes people don't get the child what they want as they feel they won't play with it, and it would of been a waste of money, so they get the present they feel they will get their monies worth out of.

But to say you have definatley got it, then give them something else is mean and makes you out to be a bloody liar.

WhatsTheBuzz · 17/03/2013 09:56

Irritating!
Possibly you are being ungrateful but I think I would too, least he was
polite about it. I'm sure everyone here gets irrationally pissed off at
times but pretend they don't when telling you yabu .

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