to not want heavy drinking friends to drink us dry.

[ROUS]

We're hosting a day time party for a large group of friends. We're generous hosts but last year one couple used the opportunity to drink a lot more then everyone else.

From a few recent comments I know that booze dominates their lives: not-drinking nights, hiding drink, last minute supermarket runs, the 'horror' of accidentally buying low alcohol wine, etc

How can I 'contain' their consumption whilst not denying the larger group or am I being an unreasonable host and I should just see it as the price of their company?

You are going to need to run out of booze. Hopefully when everyone else has had their fill. I would estimate what each person will drink and calculate.

I dont like having even amicable drunks in the house. They are most likely to spill red wine or as one very charming, high functioning alcohol friend did, tramp about 50 dog poo foot prints around the house and stay in bed the next day when I cleaned it up... next time he stays, there won't be enuogh drink and I won't be caring.

I feel your pain! my dsis' bf is just like this but he does bring his booze along. I just don't want every get together bring a boozerama from about 4pm. not everyone wants to get really drunk every night. and I mean every. its a bore.

FasterStronger - problem with that plan is this couple drink at a speed that means they will take more of the booze, so if you are going to run out, everyone else won't have had as much as they would otherwise have had. This only works with one or two drunks, not a large group of normal people.

Maybe only offer tea/coffee/soft drinks and say if anyone wants anything else they should bring their own?

We host people a lot (as we're the only one of our friends with a house and children), and we always ask them to bring their own drinks -never been a problem.

But I think the drinking itself might be the price of their company. AlI like to have a drink too, but 4 bottles of wine over lunch is an awful lot.

Lidl do their own version of Pimms and it's lovely, mix with lemonade and chop up some oranges and lemons and put in nice big jugs, it's about £8 a bottle. Is it quantity over quality with them?

idont - i kbnow what you mean about speed. can you keep the wine bottles out of the way and top everyone up at the same time?

(i agree you cannot really stop them by the way, but i dont think you should give up completely)

Aldi do a nice but cheap prosecco... served in smaller glasses?

It's really made me examine my own relationship with alcohol. I hated being poured a massive half bottle glass of wine so they could get onto the 'nice' stuff. Being told to catch up, no water around, etc.

I think most people see a daytime event as firstly a 'nice thing to do' and incidentally we had 1 or 2 drinks. But this couple at the moment seem to look at all events through the bottom of a glass.

Catering wise if I pull out a box of 12 beers then I know say six people will have one each whilst this couple will quickly be holding their third so if I then pull out another box everyone else has a second but to the couple in question the event has now become a 'session'.

DH has said not to worry about it but I hate the idea that we're penciled in their diary as a freebie drinking opportunity.

I wouldn't have a problem with them drinking a lot as long as they bring their own booze.

We had friends round for a mini party, one of our friends is a big drinker, he brought a bottle of vodka, a crate of beer and two bottles of wine (he didn't drink it all).

Out friends have a guesstimate how much you will drink, add a bottle of wine to the total and bring it along attitude. Everyone shares it all. Often we end up with more booze at the end of the night than when we started

do they host regularly?

Personally, I hate it when you have one or two people like this, because other people who otherwise would have one or two drinks feel it's now a big drinking event and start feeling they have to join in, it stops it being an afternoon, food, relaxing etc into a drunken party.

I would start it with soft drinks, hot drinks like tea or coffee are a good starting point, they aren't a soft version of what you'd drink with booze - it's very obvious if one person is drinking when others aren't. As they arrive say "I'm just making some tea, would you like a cup or there's coffee brewing too." then have extra wine and beer in too.

I think it's a bit hard now you've invited them, but for future reference, I'd only invite them to events that are supposed to be heavy drinking, so evening parties etc. Not meals where you'd expect to have a few but not get hammered, not day time events. If they are going to ruin the atmosphere and make you feel uncomfortable, then limit your friendships to times when their behaviour is appropriate if you can't be certain they are capable of changing their behaviour regarding drink when it's not appropriate.

BTW - they do sound like they both have drink problems, it's sadly very common in couples, as a couple their 'norm' level has been shifted.

I second the idea of starting with tea/coffee/soft drinks especially if it is starting early in the day,and also if there are children present,presumably most people are not looking on it as an opportunity for a boozing session. I assume at this stage,they have been invited,but it may be that you have to gently drop them from future parties.
Would it be possible to have someone else in charge of drinks so that they are slowed down a bit,rather than being able to speed-drink? It sounds like they are both heavy drinkers. Do they arrive empty handed? That would annoy me too, especially as they must know that they intend to drink the place dry. In my opinion,YANBU,and I would look at dropping them off my list next time around.

I just wouldnt buy much in. tbh most people arent going to plan to drink at a day time event anyway. I can put away more than most people I know seemingly (although most people I know including dh hardly drink at all and 2 bottles of wine is .)

I wouldnt think it was odd at all if I only got offered one beer at a daytime event.

The bit I dont understand is when mixing with people who arent drinkers I am always very conscious of not behaving like a lush!!!

Totally understand where the OP is coming from.

I would probably have a stash of regular beer or wine for when/if they ask, but otherwise I'd plan to keep the party teetotal. It's easy enough for a daytime event. Most of my get-togethers with friends involve people bringing a bottle to contribute to the total, so I don't think it's terrible to not expect to serve a lot of alcohol if people aren't doing this. It depends on the sort of party, of course, but again if it's daytime it wouldn't be a big deal for the average person.

And of course if you have 'good stuff' which you don't want to see disappear quickly, keep it someplace completely different from where the party wine is kept.

Good luck! :)

I was going to say YABU, they couldn't be drinking more than a bottle each, but clearly I am wrong. You really will struggle to provide nice drink without them drinking over £50 worth. I'd say do BYO and make sure you have anything you wouldn't want drunk hidden away. The other friends have probably noticed too.

and tbh, I like a drink, and if I have any idea that I'm planning to have a few glasses (I wouldn't have more at someone's house, but I suppose it depends on plans etc ) I would not dream of not bringing a bottle with me to at least cover my own consumption. Yes, of course, someone is hosting and they're expecting to lay out for their guests, but it's only considerate to not make it too difficult for them to host future events. :)

So what I'm getting at is: I think this couple are particularly rude to not even bring a token bottle if this is how they inevitably end up. (Unless ofc they host regularly with bottomless drinks, or something)

I wouldn't change the party, I just wouldn't invite them.

its not difficult to spot if one or two people are constantly heading for top ups. I have a friend like this who at every gathering always drinks more than twice what everyone else has. She always wants to search out any booze that might be available after the obvious has gone or will suggest going out to get more. Its not the money so much,as the disparate levels of drunkeness and her very forceful desire to get everyone in the same state as her and up all night. She is the only one of us who doesn't have kids yet and just doesn't get that we rarely can indulge to that extent. OP I don't think you are being tight, just make it clear what is available, that there will be no more provided by you if it runs out and put BYOB on the invite

oh and for a tip, if you are going to start with the tea/coffee/soft drinks, have a big plate of biscuits (or one of those selection tins would be even better) on hand to hand to them - while cake goes with booze, it's just odd to eat a biscuit with beer or wine. It'll subconciously make everyone want more tea if there's more biscuits.