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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go to dinner with this couple?

37 replies

stormforce10 · 15/03/2013 15:29

DP is not a solicitor or a banker but his career has strong links with both law and finance so he is a bit of a jack of both trades and a master of neither

We have some friends who ask us to dinner 2-3 times a year. They are currently involved in an ongoing legal case and every time we go they ask DP to go through recent paperwork and advise them. They also keep asking for his advice on their investments.

I barely get talked to except for pleasantries and DP comes away irate and stressed. Sometimes they end up phoning him a couple of days later to clarify some of what he said.

Theyv've asked us round again. AIBU to politely decline and make up an excuse (even though we're actually free and they are very good cooks) ?

OP posts:

PhyllisDoris · 15/03/2013 15:31

I think declining would be perfectly reasonable. These people don't reallyl seem like friends, if they are just inviting you to take advantage of DH's (free) expertise.

Guntie · 15/03/2013 15:33

If you're happy to help them, then you should go, accepting your DH will have to talk shop. If you don't want to help them, decline.

Personally, I would be happy to help them if they were our friends. They obviously value your DHs opinions.

fluckered · 15/03/2013 15:33

politely decline if you wish. not nice for you to feel ignored and your DP to feel used.

thezebrawearspurple · 15/03/2013 15:35

Just say no. I'd be pissed at being used like that and add 'because you're boring'

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 15/03/2013 15:35

They don't sound like friends to me. They sound more like users.

CalamityKate · 15/03/2013 15:36

If the foods good I'd go, then when they start asking for advice say "Oh we've made a pact that we won't talk about work stuff - would you believe some people invite us round just to get free advice! It starts to feel like they don't actually want our company for any other reason! Cuh!" (Eye roll).

But I'd do anything for food.

BobbiFleckmann · 15/03/2013 15:37

unless of course you go and make sure DH talks utter, utter codswallop... would serve them right.

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 15/03/2013 15:38

yaNNNbu - what cheek!

Either refuse (guilt free)

Go, and the minute the paperwork comes out, your DH should say "Let's make an appointment to go through these, my rate is £100 per hour, when suits? Also, as I'm not a qualified solicitor, you'll need your own solicitor present, you'd better contact them to set it up"

Go, and both of you get pissed beforehand (or spill a little wine on yourselves and ACT pissed), so that's it's blatantly obvious that any advice given will be less than useless.

Suggested behaviours while 'pissed'

Make paper aeroplanes of the paperwork and start a competition to see which will fly the furthest

Start colouring it in/doing word find searches on it "look, I got banana on the diagonal!"

Impromptu karaoke - best if you sing into the handle of a brush/mop

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/03/2013 15:44

YANBU - either decline or accept telling them them you will be invoicing them for your DH's time and trouble :)

ivanapoo · 15/03/2013 15:45

Get your "law guru" DH to take a gavel and bang it noisily shouting "CASE DISMISSED!" every time they try to talk about it.

AnyFucker · 15/03/2013 15:46

They are users

Drop them

Unless of course you are perfectly happy to endure agree hours of boring shop talk in exchange for a nice meal

Do they keep the wine flowing?

nilbyname · 15/03/2013 15:48

ivana that is so funny! Do that op

Oblomov · 15/03/2013 15:49

decline. they are not your friends. I do accounts or online SA's for anyone that asks. But not for them. they treat your terribly.

Bunbaker · 15/03/2013 15:53

If the food is good I would say that you would like to go, but you will not be helping them out with their legal and financial problems.

QuickLookBusy · 15/03/2013 15:55

We had "friends" like this once.

We had dinner with them twice as we thought the first time they spent all night interrogating asked DH's advice may have been a one off. It wasn't and we declined all further invites.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/03/2013 15:57

Decline, but say that your DH charges £X per hour for his professional advice which they are welcome to avail themselves of at any time and you can pop an invoice in the post!

This kind of thing bugs me no end. DH is in IT, he is very good at his job and gets paid a very good daily rate. For some reason people seem to think it is ok for them to ask him to do xyz for them. He rarely does except for his bloody father who only rings when he wants something but I have been sooo tempted to say 'do you realise how much his time costs?'. Rant over.

skaen · 15/03/2013 16:04

YANBU not to go. I am a solicitor and find it really difficult when people start asking for legal advice on their divorce or some employment issue which I obviously must know about.

If you need advice on corporate law then sure, but I really don't know about any law that is actually relevant to normal people and hate being asked.

ivykaty44 · 15/03/2013 16:05

Go to dinner and start immediately telling them how your dh is being sued by a couple you have dinner with and ask for advise so this time your dh will not be able to advise at all as it got him into so much legal trouble and you are still wading through it and have had your fingers burnt after they promised they wouldn't ever ever EVER do anything like they are doing to you know....

Then when they start and say but of course we - say thats just what the other couple said isn't it love

oh thats just what the other couple said isn't it love

then repeat it often

then you will not get invited again

ChristmasJubilee · 15/03/2013 16:06

Do you reciprocate? It may be they think the meal is in payment for the advice.

AnyFucker · 15/03/2013 16:13

I work in a profession where people think nothing of asking for advice in social situations that are a million miles away from the workplace. It's really rude, IMO, but I put it down to their own self-centredness (as most people are wont to be, it has to be said)

cozietoesie · 15/03/2013 16:26

The food may be good - but if you and your DP declined to talk shop, would you actually have anything to talk about ? There's only so much a good meal can do to make up to make up for a few hours of boredom.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/03/2013 16:39

Outside of these 2-3 invites/year - what does your actual relationship with this couple consist of?

Mintyy · 15/03/2013 16:47

Its very difficult to decline invitations just because you don't want to go or don't like the people inviting you, isn't it? I have enormous trouble in saying no thank you without feeling guilty.

Because you say no, we can't do that date, and they just come back with another suggestion.

I have never quite mastered the art of declining politely and shutting down the possibility of further invites.

Curioustiger · 15/03/2013 16:48

A friend of mine bumped into an acquaintance when she was running in the park. After a bit of chat he whipped out a contract and asked her to have a look through. Out of politeness she pointed out a few things and on her return to her desk, finds that he has emailed her asking her to confirm in writing that her 'legal opinion' is xyz. Unbelievable! Of course she didn't. I would be wary of giving advice at all on specific matters as even though your DH is not a solicitor, I believe (although am not sure... would be happy to be corrected) they have a duty of care to provide accurate advice even when it is free, and I would hate for that obligation to be stretched somehow to include your DH. So I wouldn't go unless you're prepared to refuse to give further advice.

cozietoesie · 15/03/2013 16:57

I don't know about lawyers but an acquaintance of mine is an accountant (who gives advice for free to family and friends) and he's under professional obligations in respect of that free advice - so I imagine it's the same,

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