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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if people judge single mums for not working?

776 replies

PigsCanSoar · 14/03/2013 22:56

I have a 11 m/o, and am a 22 year old single mum. I have handed in my notice to work now, as I don't feel he is ready to be left yet. He has always been very clingy, he will happily go off and play with anyone if I am there, but as soon as I leave the room he will just cry and cry.
He is also still breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, and ideally I would like to let him self wean up until 2.

I have no doubts about this being best for DS, and am planning to stay with him until 2 then look for a job again, but I just feel a bit anxious about actually telling people this, as since he was born it seems to have been constant "so when are you going back to work then" off everyone.

I am very lucky to be back living with my mum, so money isn't much of an issue as this will just postpone moving out for a bit.
So there's no necessity to leave him before he's ready, but I just feel like I'll look "lazy" for not going back yet.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 16/03/2013 01:31

You have responsibilities,you're parent to two children choosing to not work?
Time to drop in/out jobs chose to be unemployed isn't when you have kids
The wild impulsive stuff should be pre-child,now you need to be steady and remain employed

ClippedPhoenix · 16/03/2013 01:39

I'd rather get by and take care of my child personally until they are at least 2 as much a possible. Putting them somewhere at such a young age full time is not benefical to the child. You can combine part time work with looking after your child if you use a bit of imagination in doing so. Compromise is the key. Money isn't. I'd rather live in a bedsit and care for my own mostly than put them in full time childcare and live in a palace.

Things are no way as important as your childs wellbeing.

scottishmummy · 16/03/2013 01:42

Good for you.make sure that meager bedsit can accommodate your big mummy halo
And the I do all this for you kids badge and tshirt

sneezingwakesthebaby · 16/03/2013 01:43

Grin oh that did tickle me! Please Scottishmummy, please tell us why this makes you so so angry?

ClippedPhoenix · 16/03/2013 01:44

Shall I print you one? a t-shirt that is.

As for the halo, try using colgate.

Grin
scottishmummy · 16/03/2013 01:50

Yawn.mn cliche time anyone disagree must be jealous/bitter/angry...
of course!heaven forbid anyone express contrary opinion.how unreasonable
Here's a tip don't ask for opinion on packing in work,if you don't like the answers

ClippedPhoenix · 16/03/2013 01:53

Meager bedsit? I'd call it paradise if it meant me being with my child rather than out-sourcing.

Some people could call it small, I'd call it quaint Grin

ClippedPhoenix · 16/03/2013 01:55

what's up scottish, no-one biting this time?

scottishmummy · 16/03/2013 01:55

As I said I'm happy to outsource to staff on minimum wage.more money for me after all

sneezingwakesthebaby · 16/03/2013 01:56

Yes, you don't sound angry at all Grin My mistake, hun!

ClippedPhoenix · 16/03/2013 01:58
Grin

You are a classic scottish you really are.

I wuvs you.

scottishmummy · 16/03/2013 01:58

I Expect the psychobabble chapter was after the precious moments chapter
All p after all

ClippedPhoenix · 16/03/2013 02:03

Just a mum thing going on here. As for the babble thing I'd rather babble to a baby then go in for the psycho shite, wouldn't you scottish?

sneezingwakesthebaby · 16/03/2013 02:04

phoenix Grin

scottishmummy · 16/03/2013 02:08

Psychobabble is the hark at you..so angry/bitter/what's up hun?

sneezingwakesthebaby · 16/03/2013 02:10

Oh, that was aimed at me? I don't remember saying bitter... or asking you what was up. Just why so angry, hun hun?

ClippedPhoenix · 16/03/2013 02:11

Unfortunately maggie scottish I'm all tuckered out and need to hit the sack.

Good night, sleep tight and don't let the bugs bite babycakes.

scottishmummy · 16/03/2013 02:15

YEs get some Kip,maybe you'll wake up funny
And not prone to passive aggressive strikeout that's visivble inane put downs

Original poster
PigsCanSoar · 16/03/2013 02:45

I'm just really confused as to when I suddenly became a parent of 2 without realising...! Did you actually read my OP scotty?
Oh and "signing on" refers to job seekers allowance doesn't it? Not standard benefits that anyone on low wage or SAH with young children receives?
Ah well guess it would be boring without a few furious disagreements to go with the normal ones! Wink

OP posts:
LittleChickpea · 16/03/2013 04:13

Wow so just read through comments since my last post.. Felt like I was walking down "Entitlement Alley" before coming to a stop at "Tax payers are responsible for paying the cost to raise my child".

After reading through the comments I am more convinced that the Gov is doing the right thing by reviewing the benefits system. This whole "Entitlement Culture" has to end. We need a system were hard working people are rewarded above and beyond those people (male/female) that consciously choose to stop working and carry on/start claiming benefits.

It's seems some are using the excuse that "economically" they are better off on welfare than staying in work because of child care costs ect. Well hard working people should be rewarded (particularly on low wages) and should be provided with more financial assistance. We need to cut benefits to people that choose to resign their positions and redirect the funds to hard working people. We can't carry on with a system were you are better off in the welfare system than you are working. Reading through the comments I think if you are fit to work and you consciously give up work then you should lose all entitlement to all benefits.

I await the fury of the people living on "Entitlement Alley

LittleChickpea · 16/03/2013 05:47

Also still waiting for an answer from people that agree with the current benefit system...

Morethan as an educated woman with really strong insight into economics I would be particularly interested in your view.

^ Iknow some on MN don't like my views on this. But I have been sitting here considering this whole culture of entitlement that we have relating to fully fit people quitting their jobs, fully fit people not working (exclude disability, that's a different issue) and thinking its their right to claim benefits instead.

This is to everyone that agrees that you should be entitled to just quite your job to be a SAH mum/dad and claim benefits. I am an open minded person and can be swayed by a logical arguments. Please could someone tell me how you propose the country should pay for this so everyone can have the same opportunity? Also whilst paying for this how do we ensure the NHS is properly funded, pensions are funded because by 2030 there are going to be double the amount of people we have currently over 85, the deficit is resolved and industry can afford to increase wages without placing themselves And their staf at risk? Please someone give me a logical argument so I can understand this culture of entitlemen?^

wordfactory · 16/03/2013 07:50

liitlechickpea

The last Labour government realised what had happened vis a vis benefit culture at the end of their tenure.

To be fair, I don't think it was ever their intention, but it was unfortunately the natural consequence of trying to help.

A bit like the housing benefit issue. The unintentional consequence was the propping up of the buy to let landlords, who in turn propped up house prices in some areas, who in turn...

But we are where we are. And whether we agree with what has been done or not is largley irrelevent. What matters now is what this administration are going to do.

So OP, you seem to have ignored everyone who has pointed out that to rely on this government to keep you and your DS is a high risk strategy. Do you really trust this lot to support you, either in the short term or the long term?

You say you can just get back into work when it suits, but then you describe it in such poor terms. Plus it pays badly. Is this your grand plan? To rely on this government for support, then go back to a position you dislike and pays badly?

hamdangle · 16/03/2013 07:54

I'm sure this wil have been suggested before but if you work in childcare then why can't you take your baby to the nursery you work in or get a job in a nursery where you can?

Or train to be a childminder, get your own place and then you can stay at home with your child and earn money.

I don't understand people telling you that it's fine to give up your job and stay at home. You are 22, have a child and still live at home. You need to think of the future and take some responsibility for yourself and your child.

wordfactory · 16/03/2013 07:59

I think ham that some posters are so evangelist about being SAHMs that they will urge people to do it, whatever the consequences.

We all know that DC brought up in workless houses have the worst outcomes (second only to DC brought up in care)...why people want this for a baby I don't know.

ChestyLeRoux · 16/03/2013 08:04

I think you are absolutly bonkers leaving a childcare job tbh as you can take the baby with you. There is so much competitioj for childcare jobs at the moment it wont be that easy to find another.